[ladisputelover]

Idk if this is a trigger but I just need to rant

Possible trigger:

I feel like my traumas have ruined my life even though it was a few years ago. I hate dealing with this. I hate waking up at night, holding in screams so my parents don't hear. I hate my hallucinations. I hate PTSD and OCD. I hate dissociating. I hate feeling like I'm damaged. I hate flashbacks. I hate anxiety attacks. I hate the look on my pdoc's face when she recommends hospitalizing me. I hate feeling useless and like there's something wrong with me. I hate waking up in the morning and I hate hating that I'm still alive. I hate myself and I hate the people that hurt me. I hate the urge to self harm and self medicate. The only reason I stay alive is so I don't hurt my family so sometimes, I really start to hate my family for making me stay here. I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself.

[sideblinded]

(((ladisputelover))), I feel your pain, I really do. I am wondering if you might need a med check up. There are meds that can help with this. It sounds like you are having a lot of anxiety about your issues. I am glad that you are hooked up with a pdoc. They are there to help you with these feelings. Do you have a therapist who you can talk to about the PTSD and negative thoughts? Abuse is awful and I would seek some professional help to help you through this. I am so sorry that you are struggling. Please stay safe and reach out for help as you matter and you are worth it. I wish you only the best.

[ladisputelover]

Originally Posted by sideblinded

(((ladisputelover))), I feel your pain, I really do. I am wondering if you might need a med check up. There are meds that can help with this. It sounds like you are having a lot of anxiety about your issues. I am glad that you are hooked up with a pdoc. They are there to help you with these feelings. Do you have a therapist who you can talk to about the PTSD and negative thoughts? Abuse is awful and I would seek some professional help to help you through this. I am so sorry that you are struggling. Please stay safe and reach out for help as you matter and you are worth it. I wish you only the best.

I have a therapist to talk about this stuff with and I do, I just don't think it's helping.
My pdoc just raised my anxiety/anti-psychotics so hopefully it will do something but I'm not really holding my breath. I'm just kinda ready to give up at this point but I know that I can't :/