Breaking cycles of depression caused by PTSD

I know many of you also suffer from depression due to PTSD. I am one of them. It seems the more anxiety I have, the worse it gets. I've recently moved and all the stress of that, my husband failing health, getting my kids into college, and finding a new therapist has really done a number on me. And that is just my current life situation, doesn't even include the work of desensitizing the trauma that I need to do with a T to help with my PTSD. It seems like the more I have to do, it is just so overwheming to me, that I don't do anything. Does anyone feel this way or experience it?
It is a cycle. I've been in therapy for a long time, that I KNOW what I need to do to get out of this, but I just don't have the motivation. I know just doing baby steps and getting something done is better than looking at the the big picture and actually "freezing" up from doing anything. Because then I have the guilt of not doing anything.

Well the last few days I am trying to overcome this. I made a ton of appointments with new doctors, dentists, OBGYN, car repairs, etc. that I have been putting off for over a year or more. I have also been spending a ton of time on the backyard. I have even built and designed a waterfall with a pond. It gives me a nice quiet and peaceful place to be too.

But for the first time in months I actually feel GOOD. Now I want to get the rest of the house organized and unpacked. I am hoping these few good days is enough to break the frozen cycle of mine.

I see my new T for my 2nd visit today. I am nervous but hopeful she will be okay. My old T sent her a letter on the work we did over the last few years and what I need to work on. It's in 2 hours, and my stomach is doing flip flops. lol

Here is my pond I built 11220873_1032964923388044_6973354406878977350_n.jpg

That is a great pond. I am glad to hear that your doing better, even baby steps are better. I am trying to keep busy myself. I consider it a good day if I'm not hiding in my bedroom all day. I don't feel my current therapist is going to be able to help me but I've only been to her twice so I can't say for sure yet. Baby steps. Good luck at your therapist today.

Thanks Miche31,

I had a good session and I think it might work with my new T. Usually I know by the 1st visit, but certainly by the 2nd. No red flags. I have down days too, but finally after months I feel good for a few days. I don't want to get my hopes up, but I am trying to stay positive. lol

KW

Great pic! Keep going!

It helps when you work on claiming "yourself" back and doing things for yourself more.

Hi, I'm new here, and I understand the "guilt" of not doing anything. It's great that you are active. But I'm compelled to share that one of the effects of PTSD is getting overwhelmed, and that's just part of the condition, so I hope you can try not to feel guilty when you have those moments. And hopefully those moments will be rarer, shorter, and less intense with your new therapy!

Thank you Hearandnow,
You are right feeling overwhelmed is a part of PTSD. Sometimes I am so hard on myself. It is hard to be gentle on myself because of the guilt of being frozen. I keep thinking I wish I was a better mom, wife, housekeeper, artist, friend, etc.
There is a lot to feel guilty about in life. lol But I am trying to do better with accepting some of my symptoms are PTSD, and I am not just lazy.

This pond and waterfall are AWESOME! Congratulations on this beautiful creation! Might I suggest a goldfish or two? Or maybe even Koi fish or a water plant in a pot within the pond? They don't have to be expensive at all.

Be proud of what you have done, beautifully expressing yourself and your creative skills! I am also into art, nature and writing and this really spoke to me! I once made a goldfish pond for my porch with a large plastic pot masquerading as a half barrel - and some water plants plus a tiny water pump. No matter what difficulties we are going through, we are still mightily capable of expressing the beauty within! Keep it up, never stop. Thank you so much for the picture.

Awesome job creative tofu!

OE you hit the nail right on the head: "claiming yourself back."

Thanks PrairieCat!
I just saw your post. I built this for my 2 pet ducks who are too scared to go into the retention pond near my house. I used to have a huge pond at my old house ( i just moved and renting this time, hens the above ground pond.)
I do own 3 HUGE goldfish about a foot long each that used to be in the pond along with some beautiful Koi. Well my pond became a feeding ground for raccoon family that moved into my back yard. I saved the 3 fish I have now in an aquarium as soon as I noticed all my koi were gone. So with this pond, and since I live more in nature (which is awesome) but there are more predators I have my fish inside. They started off as just a couple of inches and now are a foot long. I've had them for 10 years, 4 of them inside.

I have a few plants on my waterfall, the only ones I know Ducks don't eat! lol They eat almost everything !

Thanks for the smile today. It was my first down non productive day since I posted the photo and you made my day.