[jss1234]

In November last year I saw my wife had changed her WhatsApp profile photo to her and another man.
Her head on his shoulder. Everyone I know saw it. He was a work colleague.
She denied they were having an affair, but it came out she had been taking him away on weekends for sex and called him her boyfriend.
The man started coming to our house she was shopping with him and about a week later she sat me down with him in our lounge and they told me they were in a relationship.
He then came everyday to our house. They flirted openly in front of me. He asked her "Who is the most important person in your life".
I quickly started becoming suicidal as I couldn't take it. The weekend after this occurred I sat with medication in my hands in a restaurant crying. I was convinced not to by a friend. ON the Monday I decided to go to my GP and tell him what was happening. He was horrified and disgusted. He gave me Urbanol to calm me down and got me booked into a mental clinic. I got home and told her about my admission, but she refused to directly speak to me. She wanted the 3 of us to talk it out. (Including her lover). I refused. The doctor called me to confirm my booking for the next day. I went to the toilet and found them watching television together cuddling. She said it was OK as she told me about their relationship. I immediately left the house and went to stay at a friend of mine and checked myself in to the clinic the next day severely traumatized. I stayed two and a half weeks and have been seeing a psychologist and attending support groups since then. My wife was emotionally abusive before this occurred too for example she locked my only access to a bathroom at night and made me sleep separately telling me I'm acting crazy. I had to pee before she locked the door or hold it in. I have recurring thoughts of what happened and recurring vivid dreams. After leaving I went to stay with family. My wife called them and texted them to tell them a lot of lies about me and what I'd in the past said about them. She told me she threw me out of the house and I owed her RENT money for my stuff being their while I was in the clinic. They luckily didn't believe her.
If I hear from her at all I become extremely anxious for sometimes a day afterwards. Discussion of sex triggers anxiety and I avoid places that remind me of the events. Can I have PTSD from events like this ? I understood it is normally caused by physical violence.

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by jss1234

In November last year I saw my wife had changed her WhatsApp profile photo to her and another man.
Her head on his shoulder. Everyone I know saw it. He was a work colleague.
She denied they were having an affair, but it came out she had been taking him away on weekends for sex and called him her boyfriend.
The man started coming to our house she was shopping with him and about a week later she sat me down with him in our lounge and they told me they were in a relationship.
He then came everyday to our house. They flirted openly in front of me. He asked her "Who is the most important person in your life".
I quickly started becoming suicidal as I couldn't take it. The weekend after this occurred I sat with medication in my hands in a restaurant crying. I was convinced not to by a friend. ON the Monday I decided to go to my GP and tell him what was happening. He was horrified and disgusted. He gave me Urbanol to calm me down and got me booked into a mental clinic. I got home and told her about my admission, but she refused to directly speak to me. She wanted the 3 of us to talk it out. (Including her lover). I refused. The doctor called me to confirm my booking for the next day. I went to the toilet and found them watching television together cuddling. She said it was OK as she told me about their relationship. I immediately left the house and went to stay at a friend of mine and checked myself in to the clinic the next day severely traumatized. I stayed two and a half weeks and have been seeing a psychologist and attending support groups since then. My wife was emotionally abusive before this occurred too for example she locked my only access to a bathroom at night and made me sleep separately telling me I'm acting crazy. I had to pee before she locked the door or hold it in. I have recurring thoughts of what happened and recurring vivid dreams. After leaving I went to stay with family. My wife called them and texted them to tell them a lot of lies about me and what I'd in the past said about them. She told me she threw me out of the house and I owed her RENT money for my stuff being their while I was in the clinic. They luckily didn't believe her.
If I hear from her at all I become extremely anxious for sometimes a day afterwards. Discussion of sex triggers anxiety and I avoid places that remind me of the events. Can I have PTSD from events like this ? I understood it is normally caused by physical violence.

Im sorry but we can not tell you if you got PTSD from this, only your treatment providers in your location (south Africa) can answer to that. what I can say is here is what we go by in america for what is PTSD...

DSM-5 Criteria for PTSD - PTSD: National Center for PTSD

suggestion go according to what ever you were diagnosed with when you went inpatient and what your treatment providers say you have, talk with your treatment providers. they will be able to tell you what you have been diagnosed with and why.

I'm sorry this happened to you.

The DSM V criteria for PTSD require that the trauma is "actual or threatened death, serious injury or sexual violation". This didn't happen in your situation, so it can't be PTSD. However just because it's not PTSD doesn't mean it isn't trauma.

Maybe it would be a good idea to see a therapist?

[jss1234]

Originally Posted by Breadfish

I'm sorry this happened to you.

The DSM V criteria for PTSD require that the trauma is "actual or threatened death, serious injury or sexual violation". This didn't happen in your situation, so it can't be PTSD. However just because it's not PTSD doesn't mean it isn't trauma.

Maybe it would be a good idea to see a therapist?

Thanks. I am seeing a psychologist and psychiatrist and am attending a support group. My psychiatrist said I came into the clinic extremely traumatized. I'm seeing him for medication changes soon. I will speak to him. The flashbacks and re-living the events in dreams is very disconcerting and upsetting. My wife called me deliberately to see my reaction on Thursday which triggered extreme anxiety and I couldn't do any work for the entire day. That night I had vivid dreams. I don't dream at all except for these dreams.
When I related what happened to me to the professionals and the support group they looked extremely shocked. I spoke to the psychologist about PTSD, but he isn't sure as what I experienced was quite unique. My brother's therapist said my wife is deranged. He spoke to his therapist about her after she harassed them with texts and phone calls. She was trying to convince them to send me back to her by lying to them about things I had said to her. She told them I even owed her rent as my stuff was there during my clinic stay !! She threatened me physically quite often during our marriage and told me our marriage was just a piece of paper than could be ended when ever she felt like it.
Thanks for the concern.

[BLUEDOVE]

Jesus,you got a right one there! She sounds like she is narcissistic,
put that in search box to see description of their behavior.What a
shock this must have been for you! It would have traumatized me
I tell you. And though you may be a gentle guy,I think you will
have to toughen up to get through this.There is plenty of support
here,so you are not alone on it.
Respectfully,
BLUEDOVE

[Open Eyes]

jss1234,

Here is another link that gives discriptions of things/situations that can cause PTSD and the symptoms someone can struggle with too.

Complex post traumatic stress disorder (complex ptsd, pdsd, shell shock, nervous shock, combat fatigue), symptoms and the difference between mental illness and psychiatric injury explained

I am very sorry your wife just assumed that cheating on you behind your back "and" in front of you was ok somehow. What a cruel person she is, and while I understand you have been deeply hurt/traumatized by her, it is better you are going to now be away from her or having a relationship with her. She sounds like a very selfish abusive individual.

((Hugs))
OE

[jss1234]

Originally Posted by BLUEDOVE

Jesus,you got a right one there! She sounds like she is narcissistic,
put that in search box to see description of their behavior.What a
shock this must have been for you! It would have traumatized me
I tell you. And though you may be a gentle guy,I think you will
have to toughen up to get through this.There is plenty of support
here,so you are not alone on it.
Respectfully,
BLUEDOVE

Thanks for the advice. My psychologist told me on Monday I very likely have PTSD as I suffered extreme trauma and the PTSD type symptoms have persisted for over six months. Flashbacks, vivid nightmares, anxiety going to places which remind me of the trauma. She called me on Monday as I was so anxious I was unable to function properly until I took my medication that evening. Just hearing her voice is an incredible trigger. The psychologist told me its like she saw me as a "pet" that must do what she says.
I am definitely toughening up. I told someone last night what I thought of the cr*p he was talking and he was completely shocked. I've never done that before. I was shocked afterwards I did it. Therapy definitely works !

[pinkbutterfly]

Sounds like a lot of PTSD symptoms you are experiencing. Something I have learned over the past couple of years is that trauma is very subjective. For example...I had to move and my kids couldn't come with me for six months. One of my boys was fine. The other was traumatized by this. He has a lot of anxiety whenever he's not with me and it's really affecting many areas of his life. It was a trauma for him. It wasn't for my other son.

Trauma is not the event, but it is our perception of and reaction to that event. Our perceptions are colored by biology, by previous experiences, etc...sounds like you were indeed traumatized. So sorry you went through all of that.

[iwonderaboutstuff]

Please stop all contact with your wife!! Block her access to you on all fronts. If you have to, get a new phone, new number and only give it to people you know you can trust to keep it to themselves. Same with your address. Ask someone else you trust to get your stuff out of the house you shared. Do not go there. If you feel like that is really not an option, go when you know for a fact she will not be there (e.g. she is verified at work or something) and take someone you trust with you. NO contact. and you don't owe her a damn thing! It is absurd for her to think you are going to give her money.