[kaliope]

how many times have we seen this question on this board, our ptsd preventing us from living/thinking in a "normal" fashion? we know that we are thinking irrationally, but because of this stupid ptsd, we cannot stop the way we think and feel.

my ptsd stems from an abusive childhood. many forms, but what has me triggered is from getting in trouble for things i did not do. when dad would become explosive and blame me for things i had no control over, beat all of us because one of the kids was talking out of order, that kind of crap.

so i had this situation at work. i was in charge of training someone. they acted like they worshiped the ground i walked on. but they didnt listen to me. and when they did something wrong, they 1. denied i ever gave them instruction or 2. stated they did it exactly as i told them to. In two weeks, there were a page and a half of incidents written up. (my boss asked me to document them, they werent actual "write ups") Mistakes arent a big deal where i work. they are part of the learning process. that is made very clear. But this person would get aggressively in my face and put the blame on me for misdirecting them. I am not trying to avoid blame here. These are clearly at the fault of the person. For example, I gave the person a project to work on, lets say the Mt. Rushmore, along with files of research. Then when this person arrived next for another project i said Mt. Rushmore was more important, you need to work on it with your partner today and this person got very aggressive insisting they were assigned Mt. Rushmore and Yellowstone. Repeating over and over while lunging at me "I wrote it down that way". Asking the person to pull out the research provided verified this person was only given Mt. Rushmore, yet this person still insisted i assigned both. Another incident was asking for paperwork provided, and this person said "you didnt give me that paperwork". told it was in the packet, opening the packet, there it was filled out. asking where the second page was, again i was confronted with "you didnt give me that paperwork". in providing the second page again, this person stated the same page was turned in with paperwork to another agency insisting they requested it. there is no reason that agency would ever need that form. I cannot understand what the need was to say i did not provide forms that were very clearly provided.

so this constant onslaught in trying to prove me wrong/blame me just got to be to much for me so i reported it to my boss and after a bigger transgression we terminated this person. this position was a big part of this persons career. so who is this person going to blame? certainly not going to look at own actions...........

so logically, i know i didnt do anything wrong. i did my best to work with this person and provide the education needed. but i worry about being followed home and my door being smashed in and this person showing up and accosting me at work and i keep seeing this person blown up in alien form lungeing at me over and over aggressively placing the blame on me asking me why i did this. (my last encounter was when this person showed up after work interrupting me and a colleague with demands for me to explain my behavior when i called this person to explain that dates were changed and it was not necessary for this person to come in. this person wanted to speak to someone else about the change and i asked why) i have had diarrhea for two days now. i worry incessantly. this person's future is on the line if they were to do anything stupid like this, but being rational doesnt settle the symptoms.

why cant this all just go away?????

[winter4me]

Oh I can relate to this...
Once, it was someone I trained, who attached themselves to me, and then blamed me when unable to perform the job. I put someone else in their place, took them 1:1 through another week of orientation, repeated failures to complete work, inappropriate behaviors, oral warnings, teaching, letters, etc, finally termination----and a 15 page rant about me in return....yikes (it is unnerving...)
Another time, as a nurse, I literally saved someone's life; and by the time I got home, in my head I was somehow at fault for what had happened that had Nothing to do with me....(the things one can conjure up without wanting to!!!)
These things do come and go. But when they are happening, it is hard to imagine the end (diarrhea is usually my thing too....). HUGS!!!!!!!!& glad you have the support of others at work.
(once, a correctional officer, at whose hearing I was to testify, did actually loosen all the lug nuts on my car tire(s)....I did testify, he did know I knew...(someone saw...)---kind of creepy for a while there...but
long ago now...
Gee. I actually work in a safe, positive, nurturing place now....YIKES!!!! (what can go wrong?)

[ManOfConstantSorrow]

Whenever I think this, I am immediately puzzled as what exactly normal is. I suspect that such thoughts are normal but how would I know? When you look closely at people you think are normal you can seem some damn odd traits about them.