[evildouble102]

Hi. I'm looking for any advice anyone can give. The situation is this, I was diagnosed with chronic trauma syndrome a little while ago which I am told is like ptsd. But anyway, I broke off my relationship with my mom because I recently told her that when I was 13 her stepson raped me.. He was the same age; I am now almost 23 but never really dealt with it. She siad that she and his father, who my mom is still with, were going to talk to him and get his side. This was very frustrating to me because I felt like she didn't believe me. I recently started talking to her again because I think I'm in a better place now where I can deal with her seflishness and self centeredness. But anyway I don't know how to deal with it when she says there's nothing wrong with kids having sex and that basically it happened so long ago that I should just move on, which I agree with to some extent. Any words of wisdom are greatly appreciated. Danielle

[Rapunzel]

If you didn't consent to having sex, then even if you were an adult it was rape. Would you want to ask her if she thinks that rape is okay?

Kids do experiment, but there is a line somewhere when it goes too far, or it isn't consentual for everyone involved, or someone is old enough to know better, or there is a power differential. Parents may have a hard time being objective about figuring out where that line is, and whether it has been crossed. There are a lot of emotions involved all around. But it doesn't make it okay what happened to you.

Danielle, therapy can help you to deal with the trauma, and also to decide how to deal with your family members. You mentioned a diagnosis, so I hope that it is being followed up with treatment. If you were traumatized, then you probably can't "just move on" without help. Your mom might not ever accept it though, and you are the only one who can decide whether you get any good out of talking about what happened with her. You might need to set a boundary and say that you don't want to hear about anything related from her, since her attitude hurts you. Or, then again, maybe you and she are ready now.

Whatever you do, I wish you peace and healing.
Rap

[Fuzzybear]

Gentle hugs if ok

Ugh at your mom saying there's nothing wrong with what happened and at selfish family who won't understand

If you do talk to her again about this, maybe ask her how exactly to "move on"?

I agree with Rap about therapy.

My wisdom well is running dry today, looking for a top up

Wishing you healing

[evildouble102]

My sister says I had several stories about whether I liked the whole sexual experience; which I can't change what she seems to be so firmly in and was wondering even if she were right despite the fact that I did say no; and I know for a fact that I told him I didn't want to have sex with him. I can still hear the brief line of him saying I will have sex with you whether you like it or not. Anyway I know I said know; but hypothetically if I did turn out to like it, is it still considered rape? Just wondering; maybe it's something I can tell my sister about if it is still rape in that situation that it doesn't matter about that part. Anyway Thanks, all!

[Gypsy07]

if you said "no" then you said "no"

if your mother isn't able to listen to you, then maybe she isn't the person to be talking to - if it just seems to be painful trying to talk to her.

hopefully you'll be able to develop a perspective about all this that allows you to move forward