PTSD due to psychosis

In 2009 I had a psychotic break (the only one I have ever experienced). When I remember that period, I get shaky and upset and I feel like I want to curl up in a ball and cry.

I know that people normally have PTSD in response to real-life traumatic experiences. During the time when I was psychotic, I experienced so many weird and terrifying things, but I was like a machine - I was sometimes startled and annoyed by the hallucinations, but I trudged forward through the flames. I never missed a day of work even though sometimes I had only been able to get an hour of sleep. I tried to act like nothing was happening, and mostly I don't think anybody else was aware of what I was experiencing (except for a few people that I talked to).

That was five years ago, but when I remember I still feel shaky and broken. I'm getting better gradually. I don't know if that is PTSD or what.

Thanks for reading if you made it this far.

I relate. My full blown manic/psychotic episode in 2012 was the most horrifying experience of my life.

Good luck with your treatment.

moogs

I can relate also.

I think it's very much possible to have PTSD due to psychosis. Because you still experienced those horrific things, even if they weren't real.

Are you seeing a therapist?

Thanks. I'm seeing a therapist about other problems. A few weeks ago I got an email from a friend who was part of my paranoia at that time. I thought I was over the psychosis, but the email brought back those memories and feelings of helplessness and shakiness. That lasted only an hour or so until I forced myself to read and respond to his email. I described this to my therapist and my theory of PTSD, but she didn't seem to want to pursue it in our session. When I first mentioned my experience of psychosis, she wanted to put me on anti-psychotics, but I finally convinced her that I am no longer having psychosis. My problem is the memories.

A couple of years ago, smaller things would trigger the memories and paranoia, and they would continue for a day or two instead of an hour. So I'm getting better. It seems like yesterday even though it was 2009.

EDIT: My other problems that I'm discussing in therapy are very minor. I have trouble getting along with somebody, and I'm depressed, and so forth - lots of little things. Sometimes I feel ashamed to be going to therapy for such small things when others need it more.

I understand how you feel. So much of what is wrong with me is a result of past experiences. My life now? I have minor irritations that I should be mature enough to work around, but somehow always throw me off. The little things tend to build up until I fall off my wagon and stress binge, but sometimes something comes up out of the blue to smack me right in the face with a PTSD meltdown. Unfortunately, I never know for sure what is going to tip me over that edge. Largely, there is nothing wrong with me or my life. Maybe it's the fact that I'm actually in a safe place where I can explore these issues that I've never dealt with before, but I still feel uncomfortable with the thought of going to therapy when there have to be so many people who are in need of it right this second for an ongoing/current crisis. On the other hand, I worry that if I don't deal with my issues now while I'm in a state to manage them that I run the risk of becoming one of those people who are in desperate need of a therapist for a crisis right now...
If you're in therapy already then you're there because you sense you need it. Maybe you haven't actually managed to hit on what's bothering you so much, or haven't gotten to a point of trust where you can delve into what is bothering you with your current therapist yet. Someone else pointed out that it doesn't cost anything to post on here though, and nobody has to respond unless they are interested in the topic. Maybe reading responses or about others' issues can help keep things in perspective while you deal with your own.

Thanks, I agree with you. It is probably good to do therapy as prevention - like a stitch in time saves nine. You should not feel bad for making yourself stronger while you have the opportunity.

I don't think its a good idea to label yourself with PTSD. Psychosis can be a completely different animal and PTSD treatment may not work for you. This may be why your therapist wasn't completely receptive to the idea of psychosis giving you PTSD. (Well, that and its not on the list of traumas that cause PTSD.)

ChipperMonkey, I agree with you about not self-diagnosing, but disagree on the other things you said. If someone puts a gun to your head and demands you hand over your wallet, can that give you PTSD? Just about anyone'd say 'Yes'. And what if the police tells you a week later that the gun was empty? Can it still give you PTSD?

Yep, that's an excellent analogy. IMO it doesn't matter if it was real as long as it seemed real at the time.

you shouldn't feel bad because you need help, even though someone else may need it more, we all have our different problems and need help at different times. keeping yourself stable is a good thing and that is what you are doing. good luck

Thanks.