Why on earth would I want to go back to such a traumatic time in my life?

Kittycat2015 · Jan 05, 2016 at 04:42 PM

As a teenager, I lived in Ireland for 2 years. They were 2 of the worst years of my life. It was such a traumatic time, I didn't even make any friends. Going to school was so horrible and in the end I had to leave school because I couldn't cope and broke down. When we moved back to England, I was so relieved. But for the first year and a half, for some reason (I don't know why) I kept really wanting to move back to Ireland, and i deluded myself into thinking I did have friends there. When we went back to Ireland for a holiday, I even visited the school, of course no-one spoke to me, probably thought what on earth was I doing there. I eventually snapped out of it, and now looking back I think I must have been mad, because I know how much I hated it there, why would I have wanted to go back??? Also, I have a friend with a similar experience. One night, a guy forced himself on top of her when she was still a virgin. It was really traumatic for her, but for some reason she kept wanting to go back to that situation.

CANDC · Jan 05, 2016 at 06:50 PM

So sorry for the abuse you and your friend suffered. It is often the victim that keeps thinking about the abusive situation. They cannot move on while the wound has not heal. When they finally can heal the wound, that situation will likely fade away.

ChipperMonkey · Jan 07, 2016 at 12:04 AM

Its sometimes referred to as trauma re-creation. We do it subconsciously because we want to get another chance to make things right, we want another chance to show that we've "conquered" the trauma, we want a chance for a new and better outcome. It is a way of coping.

marmaduke · Jan 07, 2016 at 02:07 AM

I was like this. For me I think it was a form of self harm, self hate.
Non existent self esteem, I deserved to be treated badly.
Poverty of spirit seeking a suitably punishing environment.

I have worked hard over many years and my self esteem is ok now. The desire to seek out punishment has deminished.

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DechanDawa · Jan 07, 2016 at 02:23 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ChipperMonkey

Its sometimes referred to as trauma re-creation. We do it subconsciously because we want to get another chance to make things right, we want another chance to show that we've "conquered" the trauma, we want a chance for a new and better outcome. It is a way of coping.

I'm curious about this. If we stop obsessing does that mean we have accepted that what happened happened? Does it mean we have then integrated it into our life experience and it no longer has more weight than other memories?

avlady · Jan 07, 2016 at 12:29 PM

i agree with chippermonkey and dechanDawa, maybe it is a longing to see if it goes away too.

Kittycat2015 · Jan 07, 2016 at 02:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ChipperMonkey

Its sometimes referred to as trauma re-creation. We do it subconsciously because we want to get another chance to make things right, we want another chance to show that we've "conquered" the trauma, we want a chance for a new and better outcome. It is a way of coping.

Hmm you could be right. I don't fully understand why I went through the phase, so perhaps you're right when you say it's a sub-conscious thing. The mind is such a weird thing!

Kittycat2015 · Jan 07, 2016 at 02:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by marmaduke

I was like this. For me I think it was a form of self harm, self hate.
Non existent self esteem, I deserved to be treated badly.
Poverty of spirit seeking a suitably punishing environment.

I have worked hard over many years and my self esteem is ok now. The desire to seek out punishment has deminished.

Sent from my SM-N910F using Tapatalk

I don't think it's that. Like I was kind of deluded in thinking that I liked it.

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Why on earth would I want to go back to such a traumatic time in my life?

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CANDC Super Moderator Community Support Team Community Liaison Chat Leader Member Since May 2014 Location: Northeast USA New England Posts: 17,470 (SuperPoster!) 10 2,314 hugs given	Jan 05, 2016 at 06:50 PM #2 So sorry for the abuse you and your friend suffered. It is often the victim that keeps thinking about the abusive situation. They cannot move on while the wound has not heal. When they finally can heal the wound, that situation will likely fade away. __________________ Super Moderator Community Support Team "Things Take Time"
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ChipperMonkey Grand Poohbah Member Since May 2014 Location: Somewhere/Anywhere/Nowhere Posts: 1,516 10 263 hugs given	Jan 07, 2016 at 12:04 AM #3 Its sometimes referred to as trauma re-creation. We do it subconsciously because we want to get another chance to make things right, we want another chance to show that we've "conquered" the trauma, we want a chance for a new and better outcome. It is a way of coping. __________________ Will work for bananas.
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marmaduke Poohbah Member Since Sep 2013 Location: USA Posts: 1,239 10 362 hugs given	Jan 07, 2016 at 02:07 AM #4 I was like this. For me I think it was a form of self harm, self hate. Non existent self esteem, I deserved to be treated badly. Poverty of spirit seeking a suitably punishing environment. I have worked hard over many years and my self esteem is ok now. The desire to seek out punishment has deminished. Sent from my SM-N910F using Tapatalk
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avlady Wise Elder Community Liaison Member Since Jan 2013 Location: angola ny Posts: 9,794 (SuperPoster!) 11 28.8k hugs given	Jan 07, 2016 at 12:29 PM #6 i agree with chippermonkey and dechanDawa, maybe it is a longing to see if it goes away too.
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