[C2015]

I was talking to my boyfriend today and somehow the subject of my abusive ex came up. I haven't talked about him in a very long time. He raped and drugged me he was also verbally abusive. My mom & I both think my ex was trying to kill me with the drugs. It wasn't until I left him I knew he drugged me. My mom knew he was doing it and didn't tell me. Which really upset me.

When I got to talking about him it was very difficult for me. I nearly started crying. I only talked about him a few minutes when I begin shutting down. I finally said to my boyfriend I can't talk about this anymore. I told him it was upsetting me and I am about to shut down on it.

In case you are wondering what I mean by shutting it means about to start crying and getting really upset if I have to continue talking about it.

Is what happened today caused by post traumatic stress? The only thing I ever have a hard time talking about is my abusive ex. That's the only part of my past that upsets me to talk about.

[CANDC]

C2015, I am sorry you have been in an abusive relationship, but so happy you survived it. Revisiting this unhappy time would best be accomplished with a therapist trained in coping with PTSD. If you are having trouble coping with life, a psychiatrist can diagnose and prescribe meds to help keep you stable.

Life style changes like diet, yoga, mindfulness could help also.

Glad you are part of our community. There are a lot of caring people here. Besides being an active participant in helping oneself at Psych Cental, many people also help support each other by replying to other people's posts. Many people who are actively involved in Psych Central find it helps take them out of their own problems to develop empathy for others. And their problems are more manageable the more they help others.

Many people here at PC find they can share these feelings and what they are going through with the confidence that people go through similar things and can empathize. So many forums are offered as well as Chatrooms (after you have 5 posts or comments on others posts). Depression chat meets on Thursday night at 9pm EST and Anxiety Friday at 8PM.

Please feel free to private message me or any of the Community Liaisons by left clicking on the name in blue to the left of their post) for questions or just to share.

[PandorasAquarium]

I think PTSD manifests in many ways from many different situations. I can't say that is what you have, as I am not a doctor, but I won't say you don't have it either.

CANDC is right. A therapist can help you a lot. Even if they are unaffordable for you, some will do a sliding scale or even pro bono type work because they truly care. It could really benefit you.

On another note, I had a bad ex. I won't get into it, and I think you know exactly why, probably better than most. Sometimes facing our fears and our pasts is good for you, but you have to do it when you are ready. A few things I have learned that helps me. I never say his name. Ever. He is only "the ex" with the occasional expletive added in. I recognize that he was a part of my life and try to think of it as a necessary, if painful, phase that I went through that got me to where I am now. Nothing more. I am stronger for having survived him. I am not a victim. I am a survivor. I am smarter, more shrewd, more self-sufficient since I walked away from him. And when the worst memories creep in, I try to shove them out fast by bringing myself straight into the present. I look at that time almost like one thinks of a horror movie they once saw that still gives them the occasional nightmare. I try to separate myself from the person I became with him. That was never me to begin with. This me, the version living now, is the only one that matters. Maybe that will help you, even just a little.