[frantic167]

In this thread I'm mostly asking about short-term memory. I apologize if this is a stupid question and I'm sure there's other threads about memory issues but I'm curious if anyone knows how common this issue is? My boyfriend of 3 years, who had a very traumatic childhood is now left with severe short-term memory loss. But he has pretty average long-term memory. He has no problem recalling things that have happened as far back as age 4. He actually remembers a lot of his traumatic experiences, too. But his short-term is so messed up and it has been that way for him from an early age. He can't remember small things that happened as little as 30 to 60 seconds ago. He's aware of this issue and is pretty self-conscious about it. I don't want to sound dramatic but sometimes it can negatively affect our relationship, it's hard to have conversations sometimes without things flying over his head and me having to repeat myself. And he constantly feels bad because he can't really help it and he doesn't want to come off like he's not listening. I've read some articles online and it seems like it's more common for someone's LONG-term memory to be affected. But that isn't the case with my boyfriend. So, if anyone here can answer any of these, even just one, my questions are:

1. Is it common for short-term memory to be affected by trauma? Or is it more common for long-term memory to be affected?

2. Is it ignorant or stupid of me to assume that these memory loss issues are his psyche's response to the few years of emotional trauma he experienced as a child?

(Side note: he does experience a good amount of other issues that I *think* manifested as a result of his childhood experiences; i.e. nightmares, trust issues, limited range of feelings/emotions, etc. The memory thing isn't his only issue. Also, he's never been to therapy or talked to any kind of doctor about this so neither of us are clear on what issues are caused by what. I'm pretty sure he thinks he was just born this way and that he can't change these things).

3. Do these memory issues ever go away without therapy? Whether they're short term or long term?

4. I'm not a therapist but is there anything *I* can do to help him with these memory issues?

Again, I apologize if anything I've said sounded ignorant or stupid or dumb, I'm not very informed about these things.

[Out There]

Hi there , I think trauma can cause memory problems both short and long term ( I certainly have them ). There can also be problems with concentration and forgetting things. Maybe your boyfriend would benefit from therapy and might look into it. I hope I helped a little , and welcome to the forum.

[frantic167]

Originally Posted by Out There

Hi there , I think trauma can cause memory problems both short and long term ( I certainly have them ). There can also be problems with concentration and forgetting things. Maybe your boyfriend would benefit from therapy and might look into it. I hope I helped a little , and welcome to the forum.

Thank you for the reply. I agree - I definitely think he could benefit from therapy if he finds the right therapist. I'm hoping that will become an option sometime soon.

[barbella]

I agree that trauma can affect short and long term memory. That's been my experience anyway.
That's kind of you to be so supportive! I hope he will consider therapy. You're right, getting the right therapist is really important. It can take some searching but it will be worth it.

[elevatedsoul]

im sory i know how it is...

i forget everyting, so fast.. but i remember stupid stuff, i mean if roget what i should try to remember but its not at all intentional because i try so hard to remember everything ...
i can only imagine if your bf is anything like me then he is extremely frustrated with this... because no one can understand what its like.... unless you experience it... people often think you are joking... or making things up... but its horrible thing to go through..
i dunno if part of it is adhd for me... ptsd... depression... dissociation... im not sure because i need to talk to a therapist.. but i know it can affect everything in your life... his life..
i just would like to as ky ou try to be understanding... its really hard not remembering things.. some people joke about it but when it is really happening to you it affects you on so many levels... i dunno how he is handling it, but i hope that he is taking care of himself - you are good for staying by him, its not easy trying to handle these things with somenoe.. much less someone you care about...

maybe if there is a way you could keep him "grounded" while you are around him would help, so maybe when he is away from you he can feel the same way... i know thats what would help me... dunno if you know what i mean ?

i wish you btoh well... stay strong...
if there anything i can do i will try to help as much as i can

[frantic167]

Originally Posted by barbella

I agree that trauma can affect short and long term memory. That's been my experience anyway.
That's kind of you to be so supportive! I hope he will consider therapy. You're right, getting the right therapist is really important. It can take some searching but it will be worth it.

Thank you I really hope he will consider it too. The rest of his family is not very open to therapy but he's a lot more open-minded than they are, so I'm sure he will give it a try. Especially if he knows that therapy might help him with this memory trouble since know he hates having to deal with forgetfulness so much every single day. Thanks for the reply and kind words.

[Apathetic Superhero]

PTSD can take so many different shapes and forms and it does effect everyone differently. The way that traumatic events mess with our brains can impact the brains ability to form new memories. Thankfully though, there is more and more research out there that shows that the brain can change and with help he may be able to restore the ability to form new memories and work with them in the short term. Memory is a very complex thing and figuring out the cause for the difficulties with short term memory problems would be beneficial. This can be done through MRI and FMRI imaging. It sound like he also has several other problems that may be more problematic for your relationship in the long term. It may be beneficial for you guys to seek counseling together. It may help him warm up to the idea of therapy if he knows that you will be there with him. I hope this information helps.
-Apathetic Superhero

[frantic167]

Originally Posted by elevatedsoul

im sory i know how it is...

i forget everyting, so fast.. but i remember stupid stuff, i mean if roget what i should try to remember but its not at all intentional because i try so hard to remember everything ...
i can only imagine if your bf is anything like me then he is extremely frustrated with this... because no one can understand what its like.... unless you experience it... people often think you are joking... or making things up... but its horrible thing to go through..
i dunno if part of it is adhd for me... ptsd... depression... dissociation... im not sure because i need to talk to a therapist.. but i know it can affect everything in your life... his life..
i just would like to as ky ou try to be understanding... its really hard not remembering things.. some people joke about it but when it is really happening to you it affects you on so many levels... i dunno how he is handling it, but i hope that he is taking care of himself - you are good for staying by him, its not easy trying to handle these things with somenoe.. much less someone you care about...

maybe if there is a way you could keep him "grounded" while you are around him would help, so maybe when he is away from you he can feel the same way... i know thats what would help me... dunno if you know what i mean ?

i wish you btoh well... stay strong...
if there anything i can do i will try to help as much as i can

Thank for this reply, I'm glad to know that he's not alone but I'm so sorry you have to deal with this too. I get what you mean when you say that a lot of people think you're just joking and don't understand that you really did forget. I see that happen to my boyfriend all the time and he kind of tries to laugh it off and most people think he's joking when he says, "what was I talking about again?" During a conversation or if you ask him a simple question like "what did you have for breakfast this morning?" And he says he can't remember what he had. And other things like that. They don't get that he's completely serious. And he gets weird looks sometimes too and he handles it pretty well, but it's still pretty frustrating for him, just like it is for you because he tries so hard to remember little things and he just can't no matter how hard he tries and I'm sure you try really hard too and it's just no use. I'm sorry that the same thing happens to you. I really hope that your therapy is helping and that things get better for you. Thanks again for the reply. Good luck ♡ and I will definitely try that grounding thing you talked about.

[Aracnae]

I've dealt with this too. I was told for a long time that my short term memory was mostly a result of mental illness and head injuries, but I've been told trauma can effect it too, and that most of my issues are most likely trauma based. I do memory exercises, like repeating the letters in a spot I'm parked, or trying to remember the color of 1 specific thing and recalling that later. It took a long time but my memory is better. He would also probably benefit from therapy for the trauma, I know I did, but the therapy never helped the memory piece. That was something I had to work on by myself after researching things that helped. Looking up memory exercises for the elderly actually ended up helping me a lot (I'm not elderly, but my memory is!). Anyhow, I don't know if that's helpful, but good luck to you both!

[Gus1234U]

i have been living with memory damage since i was poisoned 22 yrs ago. at first it was all memory after the event, and much of it before,, then i began to recall what happened before, but not reliably. then as time went on, and i constantly participated in memory building activities, i began to be able to remember some things that happened after and many from before. well, you can see, it has been a slow but progressive recovery.

what i really wanted to say was that i agree with the poster who said that memory is a brain function, and likely won't be helped by therapy. UNLESS it's brain therapy. as was mentioned, there are more and more ways to work with the brain to help it remember. one of those is one i use, called Binaural Beat sound therapy. i give it the most credit for my brain recovery. over the years i have regained 70 IQ points, 20 of those in the last 4 yrs, and my memory is showing significant improvement (tho i still tend to focus on what i forget).

you can look into this sound therapy, but be advised, it is not quick. 7 years is the recommended period; starting at half an hour a day, and going up to an hour 2x a day. (i was doing it 2 hrs 2x a day at the end.) the brain should be rested and calm. meditation helps, as does napping or using it in the mornings. it WILL tire one, and cannot be used while driving or operating machinery. this Binaural (2 sounds) Beat is a real brain entrainment program (meaning it grabs the brain's attention and changes it's brainwave pattern), and also helps the brain to grow , or regrow, the nerve connections (ganglia) between the two halves of the brain, which is how the brain makes sense of the world.

since your boyfriend can make new memories, tho not recall them til later, as i do also, i suspect you are actually referring to what is called "Memory RECALL Disorder" or retrieval disorder. this can be treated, but not by talk therapy. you can give the Binaural Beat a try, (anyone can benefit), at this site, or others online, but the only Therapeutic model i know of is sold at CenterPointe.com. the owner of the site is a bit off-putting, high pressure sales sort-of, but the technology is good~!

best wishes~
Gus