[tritonenneptunus]

I was diagnosed with PTSD as a child because I was sexually abused and it was made worse by getting raped at 16 by my father's friend. I used to have TERRIBLE night terrors when I was really little and I'd wake up in random places screaming or throwing things. Well fast forward a few years and the memories started playing through my head about everything I had been through. I'm talking like a tape recorder of everything I had ever done wrong or had ever happened to me. Fast forward later, after I was raped I had the "broken record" thing in my head where I would lay in bed and remember everything but I had no nightmares. Then, a few weeks ago... my brother and sister came back into my life but not under good circumstances. My sister had tried to kill herself and since then I have been under so much stress that I'm not eating, when I close my eyes the night terrors hit me FULL force so I'm scared to go to sleep because I get where I can't even wake myself up. Recently I woke up under my bed screaming with no recollection of how I got there? Then the "broken record" started playing over and over. Every time I am alone (which is a lot of the time) I just get these memories, and they just burn in my head like a photograph lit on fire... I don't know if this is a mix of disorders or if it is my PTSD? Does anyone go through similar situations?

[Open Eyes]

I am sorry you were abused and you are struggling like this. It isn't so bad that you talk through things that happened as you are putting your trauma into words. Part of this articuating is "I cannot believe this happened to me", you are at a point where you feel you need to talk it through, that is not a bad thing. Remembering isn't a bad thing, acknowledge what happened, but also make sure you remind yourself that whatever you are remembering is not happening "now" and that now you are safe.

It sounds like you are sensitive and with your brother and sister coming back into your life under bad circumstances makes you fearful and you did not quite know how to handle it, that can be a trigger as often when someone is traumatized, they don't know what to do in the moment. You "do" need to slowly realize that you can get through uncomfortable situations, also that you can protect your boundaries and most likely that is something you are very sensitive to so that when others don't respect your boundaries you probably are reminded of the traumas. Yes, this can lead to struggling with night mares because our brain tries to process and file when we sleep. The brain during sleep doesn't know what to do with trauma, it's gets better as a person gets therapy to talk things out with a therapist who understands trauma.

I am not a professional so I can't diagnose you, however, I do struggle with PTSD myself and have experienced similar challenges and have found that talking things out is helpful because I am slowly articulating the emotional trauma that was storred in my amygdala that I have not put into words as that takes time to do. Most people don't understand that, that when someone is triggered it can bring out emotional challenges that are attached to the trauma that take time to slowly identify with the story of the trauma. However, often when a trauma takes place a person can "freeze" too so they don't always "feel" right away, these feelings, including fears need to be worked through "slowly", it's a grieving process that takes time.