Something That Helps

I don't know about anyone else here but I have a hard time with even the idea of going to therapy. In fact, I haven't been to a therapist in months. I can't open up that way, to anyone. The closest I come to really conveying how I feel is on here and every now and then with my fiance. I'm not the biggest fan of medication and take as little as I can. Because these both tend to be how people have come to deal and cope with PTSD, I never really had any other advice to go on. Well, I've found some solace in more of a creative world. I've been writing a book and multiple short stories and found this to be an acceptable way for me to discretely get out what's going on inside my head. I've also found that drawing tends to ease my anxiety. I read at night instead of watching T.V. which is helping with the falling asleep issue (I still wake up a lot but hey, that's insomnia for you). All in all, just expressing myself in these strange abstract ways makes me feel safe because I know no one can really sift through all of the craziness. It's my way of talking about my issues without actually being exposed. I know it's cowardly but it's the closest I can get right now and that's better than before.

Hello Só leigheas: I think we're on more-or-less the same page here! (Pun intended!) The Skeezyks is no longer on any psych med's at all. And I don't see a therapist. In my case, there's so much I could simply never talk about, that seeing a therapist would be pointless. (Plus, I've never been able to find one I thought was worth the time & expense.)

During my last hospitalization, a few years ago now, one of the staff offhandedly asked me if I had ever wanted to write a novel. I said yes. (Haven't we all?) Then she told me about NaNoRiMo (National Novel Writing Month.) It's a website where, every November, members try to write a 50,000 word novel in a month. (Plus they do other stuff as well.) It's sort-of a marathon for writers.

As it happened, I returned home just a few days before the beginning of November that year & so decided to check it out. I signed up & wrote my 50,000 word novel. It was TERRIBLE! I just wrote about myself though & it gave me something to focus on for that month, which was most beneficial. Plus I believe the process gave me some insight into myself I would not have otherwise had. I tried it again in subsequent years & found I just could not get into it. (I'm not really a writer.) So I'm no longer a member. Occasionally I think about trying it again. But I don't know if I ever will. However, based on that experience, I can certainly see where your writing (& drawing) activities could be most beneficial.

By the way... I don't consider what you're doing to be cowardly at all! It's simply your way of coping. And if it's working for you... great!

Thanks Skeezyks. I'm glad you're my friend on here. I don't think I've ever heard about this NaNoRiMo, I might look into it. If you ever did get back into writing, I'd love to check it out. I love reading stories by unknown authors, those tend to be some of the better ones.