[MtnTime2896]

Why can't I wash my hands of you
I scrub and scrub but my hands
They, do what you used to do
They attack my throat

Ever-suffocating the life out
Of my soul
What brought this about
Me hurting me?

When did it transpire
This insistent,
Persistent desire
To light myself on fire.

[Trace14]

Originally Posted by Só leigheas

Why can't I wash my hands of you
I scrub and scrub but my hands
They, do what you used to do
They attack my throat

Ever-suffocating the life out
Of my soul
What brought this about
Me hurting me?

When did it transpire
This insistent,
Persistent desire
To light myself on fire.

Well that was a pretty dark message. My question is do you think there is a cure for PTSD? Do you ever think you will forget the memories of past traumas? When did it transpire? This is something that caught me off guard, that this has been going on with me since early childhood. This came about by going back to my earliest memories of traumatic events, then events after that. At the beginning I thought this was a temporary situation, brought on by a single event, and that dealing that one event should bring me back to a normal life. This wasn't true. It's about numerous events, maybe triggered by one event, to become more vivid and a constant reminder of past traumas.
The past traumas are not our fault. We should not punish ourselves for something we couldn't control. Even the memories we can't control until we get to a certain point. Memories will never go away, but we can work on finding a way to bring them to a more manageable level. Work on controlling the memories and them not controlling us. I believe this can happen but it will take time and finding the right person and therapy to achieve this. There is a light at the end of the tunnel but you have to be close enough to the end to see that light. We may not have even approached that tunnel yet. So why would we think we would be able to see that light? Jut because we can't see it doesn't mean it's not there, we are just not close enough to see it. Of course this is just my personal opinion on this. But don't give up, because that tunnel may be just around the next corner.