[annxo]

When I was 12 years old I would sleep over at my best friend's mom or dad's house every weekend. Her mom was abusive and would always be out sleeping with random guys drinking at the bars, meanwhile we would get drunk all night while she was out. When we stayed at her dad's house who was also abusive we would smoke pot and drink a lot as well. Her dad would supply us and even let us drive his car to the liquor store (he would sit in the backseat and walk in to buy the liquor). Sometimes, he would take her into the bedroom as I sat on the couch and I listened to her crying asking him to stop.

There were nights I completely blacked out...

There were stories of her dad using the date rape drug a lot.

There were so many times that I woke up fuzzy and uncomfortable.... a time were I woke up feeling like I lost my virginity.

But I couldn't remember anything.

We would usually drink a couple wine coolers and smoke, then the room would get blurry.

There was a time were he drove us to burger king and the entire ride was blurry and fuzzy... I was so out of it I just poured out ketchup on the bare table and dipped my fries into it. I also remember peeing my pants on the couch as me and her were watching a movie...I was never a pants wetter... I don't know why I remember those two things.

I don't know if anything happened...but why does it bother me?

One day me and her got into a fight and I stopped being her friend.

What happened was she was being too clingy and I couldn't handle her wanting to be with me 24/7 but I was so young I never realized everything that was going on.. So now I feel like I abandoned her.. I don't know if that's how she felt too

because as our middle school years went by she spread rumors about me and made everybody hate me almost like she wanted to make me feel abandoned...

I would find Proactiv flyers on my locker.. her and other people would always say "eww" when I walked by

I would dread the days a teacher would say "Pick a partner" because everyone made it apparent that they didn't want me as a partner, or so I felt that way....

I would never have anywhere to sit at lunch...

I remember the day I tried sitting at her (my ex best friend's) lunch table and she said "Nobody likes you here, you can't sit here." She made everybody at that table look at me and tell me the same thing..

I then tried to sit at other tables and I got the same answers from everybody in the cafeteria.. So I would just go sit in the bathroom

This kept happening and one day I was so sad that I just wanted to be alone and cry during lunch, so I went all the way to the third floor in the empty music hall and went to that bathroom and just sat in there..

Then the music teacher found me and yelled at me for not being where I was supposed to be and walked me to the principles office...I gave them the explanation and the only solution they could come up with was to give me "lunch detention".... they had me sit at a school desk in front of everybody in the cafeteria and made me eat alone

I'm almost 24 years old now and this memory still haunts me....and still makes me cry when I think about it.

[reb569]

I'm sorry this happened to you. This was a series of traumatic abusive events that you don't just forget. I'm 54 years old and I am still haunted by my abusive home, as well as bullying in school and more. I never got any therapy until a year ago.

At 24, your whole life is ahead of you. If you aren't in therapy, I highly recommend that you do. Work through it the best you can and don't let it define your life like I did. Hugs!