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Default Aug 15, 2017 at 08:41 PM
  #1
Hi,

I don't make a habit of sharing stuff like this. I'm afraid that what I say will not be believed. I read an old book once by John Powell. The title is "Why am I Afraid to tell you who I am?" The answer is because if you do not accept it, it's all I have. I'm used to not being heard. No one ever listened to me when I told on my father. He was a good man they said. He would never do a thing like this. But with my mom looking away He continued to rape me for 5 long years. It was only when I was a junior in High School that a girl took notice of the bruises between my legs. Then a ***** storm of police, investigators, doctors, and friends rose up against my family.

That did not take away from 5 years of rape, consistent, ongoing rape. I was very happy that I was an only child. Who knows what my father would have done with another daughter. I think the worst part though was the spankings. My father showed no mercy. I really was shocked when I learned this wasn't normal.

My dad is now in prison as well as my mom. He received 30 years to life. As old as he is he will mostly die in prison. I hope somebody discovers what he did and gives him a good beating. I only went to the trial to testify. He might have gotten away with it if my mom finally stepped up and testified against him. She still got 7 years. She is out now but I will never see or talk to her again.

I moved away when I went to college. I became an RN. Changed my name.

I started to date and would you believe it I got raped again. What am I wearing a sign that says rape me? I was screaming and help came but I devastated. Again. I thought I had made some good strides. But the nightmares came back and I just, sorry, I'm crying.

There was a gift that came from this. I have a daughter.

Just in case you ask I am seeing a Counselor on a weekly basis.

Raven
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Default Aug 18, 2017 at 04:03 PM
  #2
Does the pain ever stop? Is there hope? I hide in work sometimes taking 3 or 4 overtime shifts a week. The business of my job keeps me focused on the work. The routine of work helps me hide from the pain, the anxiety, the nightmares.
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Default Aug 18, 2017 at 07:16 PM
  #3
I am so sorry Sarah. I'm new here too. I have been diagnosed with PTSD caused by childhood abuse by my father. I just started seeing a counselor on a weekly basis and soon we will start doing EMDR therapy. I am hoping that it helps.
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Default Aug 19, 2017 at 12:23 PM
  #4
Thanks, Sarah!
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Default Aug 19, 2017 at 02:18 PM
  #5
((((((((((((((((Sarah)))))))))))))))))))))))))

I am so sorry you endured what NO CHILD should experience. Unfortunately, a child doesn't get to pick who their parent is and sadly a lot of children suffer because of how a parent or parents are disturbed, abusive BAD human beings. It sounds like your father is/was a psychopath and unfortunately, these individuals can hold a place in society where their true nature is not recognized because they can fool others and act charming and seem like a person who is in control of themselves in a "healthy" way. They even have the ability to fool their wives. Look at Scott Peterson, his wife probably never saw the true danger in him and his inlaws most certainly did not see it.

The problem with most people is that they WANT to trust so this makes them malleable to believe someone who they clearly should not trust like Bernie Madoff for example, he sure convinced even the best and brightest and most successful and many were too embarrassed to admit he scammed millions from them, people like Stephen Speilburg who was taken in and fooled and lost a lot of money. That is a kind of "rape" too you know, only it's more psychological than physical.

It's GOOD that you have distracted your mind and you put effort into your work. The "good" about this is how even though you have been traumatized, you are still "navigating" on a positive level. Human beings are all born to "navigate". This is essential for our very survival.

Unfortunately, when it comes to human beings, there are human beings that are born predators. They hone their skills for one reason only and it's not the victims fault when the victim simply fails to recognize a predator, the ones who are skilled tend to get to be good at it. They don't always look for the "weak" either, some of these predators actually are more drawn to individuals who are strong, outgoing, and successful. So in that alone, anyone can become a victim so it's not just you or your fault that you were a victim.

Give yourself permission to still have goals, be a productive individual, continue to build your skills in your life to continue to navigate YOUR life and try not to allow your past or your history with your father to take away your right to have your own life and to help your own beautiful daughter to do the same.
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Default Jul 28, 2021 at 12:24 AM
  #6
Quote:
Originally Posted by Anonymous59908 View Post
Hi,

I don't make a habit of sharing stuff like this. I'm afraid that what I say will not be believed. I read an old book once by John Powell. The title is "Why am I Afraid to tell you who I am?" The answer is because if you do not accept it, it's all I have. I'm used to not being heard. No one ever listened to me when I told on my father. He was a good man they said. He would never do a thing like this. But with my mom looking away He continued to rape me for 5 long years. It was only when I was a junior in High School that a girl took notice of the bruises between my legs. Then a ***** storm of police, investigators, doctors, and friends rose up against my family.

That did not take away from 5 years of rape, consistent, ongoing rape. I was very happy that I was an only child. Who knows what my father would have done with another daughter. I think the worst part though was the spankings. My father showed no mercy. I really was shocked when I learned this wasn't normal.

My dad is now in prison as well as my mom. He received 30 years to life. As old as he is he will mostly die in prison. I hope somebody discovers what he did and gives him a good beating. I only went to the trial to testify. He might have gotten away with it if my mom finally stepped up and testified against him. She still got 7 years. She is out now but I will never see or talk to her again.

I moved away when I went to college. I became an RN. Changed my name.

I started to date and would you believe it I got raped again. What am I wearing a sign that says rape me? I was screaming and help came but I devastated. Again. I thought I had made some good strides. But the nightmares came back and I just, sorry, I'm crying.

There was a gift that came from this. I have a daughter.

Just in case you ask I am seeing a Counselor on a weekly basis.

Raven
I am very sorry that you were sexually assaulted and physically assaulted. No one ever deserves to be assaulted or abuse in away. I hope you find support here.
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