never mind

the trigger code didn't do what I want it too but I think I know how to fix it

I am grieving the christmas I never had.

my mother was never really a christmas person, I guess, and when I was growing up at home she never provided me a christmaas- no presents, no decorated
lights, no tree, no christmas songs... christmas in our house was so depressing.

every year as I get older, it does not get easier for me... I grieve for the christmasses I could have had when I was a kid, but I never had

I want to go on a train to see santa claus. I want a christmas tree

I want someone to wish me a merry christmas

Possible trigger:

when I was younger, I lived near a steam railway

every december I'd ask to go on the train to visit santa, but because my mother hated it, she'd punnish me with birning me- or locking me in my room, or hitting me.. just for asking to go on a train.

this is the same mother who thought it was a good idea to abandon me on a train at the age of 3.

that's where the longing for the train comes from

I want to see father christmas on the train..

I do..

but I just want a normal christmas with love and pressies

is it too much to ask?