My high school level year has a What'sApp group. We were discussing something about tomorrow's classes (we'll be having a partial snow day, with teachers and students with a long commute staying home, so we were trying to anticipate which lessons are going to be cancelled) and someone sent some information about it ending in "See also: www...". I clicked on the link and it was a very triggering picture that I don't care to describe, let's just say that it would probably upset any member of the "#MeToo-club" (which is how I'm currently referring to myself/what happened to me. I was made a member of the MeToo club.)

It's over 4 hours later now, after 2 in the morning, can't sleep, am really triggered.

People can be really insensitive. I messaged back that it really wasn't funny but everyone else who replied thought it was.

I've been feeling unsafe at school Friday (I saw someone I "recognized" (might not have been him, might have just looked an awful lot like him) passing by school) and this isn't helping.

I want to sleep. I want to feel safe. I want a lot of things and none of them are possible - some not right now, some never.

[magicalprince]

Hi Breadfish. That sucks that you are now feeling unsafe. Do you have a trusted friend or person you could talk to about what you're feeling?

Hey Prince,

Thanks for your reply. I was thinking of talking about Friday with someone at school but I haven't yet. About the photo - I wanted to message my best school friend, but he doesn't know about my "membership", and I actually started on a message to one of my other friends, but I'm afraid of triggering her because she's a member too so I deleted it instead of sending it.
Not really much else to soo in the middle of the night. Maybe I could call a hotline. I might do that, actually. Thanks for the idea.
Could email my pdoc, but I try not to bother him with stuff like this. I usually only email him with stuff he can actually do something about. Could email my T, but I haven't seen her for months and she hasn't replied to my last 2 emails - I think she just forgot or something, but on the off chance something else is going on, I've asked my pdoc to "investigate" (nothing intrusive or extensive, I just asked if he'd heard whether she's sick or has been laid off or is just sick of me) and I won't email her again until I've heard back from him on that.
Could call the clinic and talk to a nurse (I'm allowed to do that) but that always feels really difficult if I don't have something I can envision a solution for that they can give me.

Could hurt myself, which brings its own set of problems and would require me to leave my bed. Could play the piano, which would require me to actually stay out of bed. Could take PRN medication, but although the pills are next to my bed the water bottle is on my desk so I'd have to leave my bed, and I've been taking PRNs too often these past few days (still well within the guidelines, and my pdoc would approve of me taking them, but too often for my own liking).

Probably going to call a hotline. Thanks.

[magicalprince]

It seems like feeling unsupported is a big area you're struggling with here. All of the support options you can envision, there is a problem that makes it difficult to use those outlets. It makes me think, this might be contributing to your feeling unsafe, feeling like it's hard to get proper support when you're in need.

I hope that the hotline is helpful for you and you can get some sleep.

Yep, and I didn't even mention my parents. We've been fighting a lot lately and my mother made it clear last weekend that she felt she was doing way too much for me and me not enough for her (sorry, I thought you wanted a kid to love and care for, didn't realize you wanted a slave). Thing is, half the things she insists on doing for me are things I can do myself or don't need - and the things I genuinely need help with (my left hand doesn't work, I don't have a left leg, I have a lot of mental and physical issues) are always 'too much' when I ask for it. Or I say "I'm cycling to the store" and my mother will say "no it's too slippery, I'll drive you". I'll say "no, I'll wait until I can cycle." She: "No, no, it's fine, I insist on driving you there now". And then that evening she'll complain that I wasted her afternoon because she had to drive me to the store.
I offer to make her tea, she snaps. I make a drink for myself and don't offer to make her tea, she'll snap later that day that I never make her tea while I'm at the kitchen counter anyway.
Father is similar - I'm entering the kitchen, he's sitting at the table, he'll ask me if he can make me a drink. I'll usually say I'll make one myself, as I'm standing anyway. But if I'm at the kitchen table and he's taking the mustard from the fridge and I ask if he can bring the ketchup (which is also in the fridge) too, he'll complain I should do it myself.

It's like I can never do anything right.

I didn't end up calling the hotline - eventually took a PRN around 5.00 and fell asleep around 6.10. Alarm clock went off at 7.30. Tried to snooze for a while, but people kept calling me and I had to make some calls (entire school day turned into a snow day, but that meant I had to cancel some stuff, and someone I had an appointment with called to shift the appointment to a phone appointment as she was staying home because of the snow) so I didn't really sleep. But it was better than having to get up at 7.30.

Thanks again.

Made an 'appointment' to talk to someone at school tomorrow. My assigned teacher (or whatever you want to call it) has no time - she offered to call me instead, this afternoon or tomorrow morning before school, but it isn't really something I'd like to discuss on the phone - so I'm talking to her colleague. I don't know her as well (she's familiar with my case/history/whatever, though, she's the person I'm supposed to go to if I need acute help and my assigned teacher isn't at school) but it might help.

Talked to the teacher about Friday, didn't really help - she was mostly like "That sucks, but what do you want from me about it?" and that discouraged me from bringing up the photo. So we spent half an hour chatting about non-important things, which was entertainig but not really why I'd asked to talk to her.

Just had a session (only the second session actually) with my chiropractor and that was actually very helpful, also in this area. We talked a lot during (and before and after) the treatment about stuff that's happened and is bothering me, which was helpful, and the treatment was also fairly relaxing (she mostly touches my head, which I don't mind the way I mind having my body touched) which makes it less upsetting to talk.

Pdoc tomorrow and my father is driving me, which is good, because my mother usually comes in with me (unless I say I mind, but I don't usually say that) and my father never does (he doesn't hear well and can get annoyed/frustrated when I go timid my voice gets soft and he can't hear me well anymore) so I would be able to talk about home more too.