[clydeblack]

Hey guys, I just had a scary panic attack at night. My medication took too long to kick in.

Some things happened a few years ago and since then I get psychotic panic attacks. Its starts with paranoia and eventually leads to hallucinations and feels like my lungs are collapsing. My whole body gets numb. I started to feel numbness last night and was so afraid of seeing things, every time my body would almost fall asleep my brain would wake it up. I couldn't get any rest and was afraid there would be hallucinations. When that happens they can last a long time (upwards to 24 hours with the first 6 hours being the worst and the rest mild). I could feel memories in my head fusing together and I was convinced there was an evil presence in the room.

Now, it's daytime and I'm super tired. It happened after a gathering from Fetlife (which I had so much fun at with great people!!). It's really my thing and to meet others like me was so reassuring. Plus, they were all very careful, asking if you were ok, if anything triggered you and to stay stop whenever you felt even a bit uncomfortable.

I'd really like to go again, but the panic attack that follows is really upsetting and kind of eats up my next day where I need to get work done.

How do you guys feel about panic attacks? Has there ever been a time when it blocked you from doing the things you love?

[MtnTime2896]

Panic attacks just plain suck. For me, I never know which comes first -- the hallucinations or the anxiety.

To answer your second question, yes. I used to go bowling every weekend after payday but then I got to the point where I couldn't stand the stress and sounds of a crowd of people. I'm slowly getting a bit better, though.

[clydeblack]

Originally Posted by Só leigheas

Panic attacks just plain suck. For me, I never know which comes first -- the hallucinations or the anxiety.

To answer your second question, yes. I used to go bowling every weekend after payday but then I got to the point where I couldn't stand the stress and sounds of a crowd of people. I'm slowly getting a bit better, though.

It's good that it's getting better for you Yeah they do suck...especially if you get so removed from reality.

Your Michael Myers image made me laugh by the way haha.

[MtnTime2896]

Haha, I'm glad it did.

Yeah, I can sometimes spend days or weeks just removed from reality. For some reason, once it gets started, it doesn't always come back down. Now I'm on meds that are supposed to help. I think they are because I'm not getting stuck in some delusion brought on by flashbacks and hallucinating.

[clydeblack]

Originally Posted by Só leigheas

Haha, I'm glad it did.

Yeah, I can sometimes spend days or weeks just removed from reality. For some reason, once it gets started, it doesn't always come back down. Now I'm on meds that are supposed to help. I think they are because I'm not getting stuck in some delusion brought on by flashbacks and hallucinating.

Agreed, I think the reality removal is one of the worst parts. I see everything through a glass wall in general, but with the anxiety attacks I can no longer situate myself in space, finding the ground is kind of a challenge.

Does the medication make any difference for your dissociation? It certainly must be better without the delusions.

One of my medications for anxiety is long-term, but it's mostly been helping for daily functioning. For the attacks I will really need something fast-acting. It's getting to be too scary. I'd like for my mind to be able to calm down when it associates a feeling to something you normally like to do. Your example of bowling was good.

I know now that mine is sexual trauma, but I can't pinpoint the origin of it. It's really frustrating, because then I'm unsure when there will be a trigger (like the time I was talking about, the attack happened a while after the event, even though it's difficult to figure out what triggered it in the first place).

[MtnTime2896]

My meds definitely help with the delusions and helps some with the hallucinations. Dissociation, not really, it still happens plenty but more often when I'm triggered.

For the longest time someone would be walking with me in the dirt and sticks or maybe just a dirty sidewalk, I never connected the dots until I had a full flashback that nearly sent me over the edge. The sound of a twig breaking will set me off every time.

The fact that you panicked afterwards is actually pretty normal from my understanding. When we're finally out of the event/situation we let our guard down. It's likely something at the party triggered something in your memory. Or sometimes there is no trigger and the flashback is triggered only by the panic attack. I personally can't ride anything at the fair without having a flashback, only because it raises my adrenaline.

[clydeblack]

Originally Posted by Só leigheas

My meds definitely help with the delusions and helps some with the hallucinations. Dissociation, not really, it still happens plenty but more often when I'm triggered.

For the longest time someone would be walking with me in the dirt and sticks or maybe just a dirty sidewalk, I never connected the dots until I had a full flashback that nearly sent me over the edge. The sound of a twig breaking will set me off every time.

The fact that you panicked afterwards is actually pretty normal from my understanding. When we're finally out of the event/situation we let our guard down. It's likely something at the party triggered something in your memory. Or sometimes there is no trigger and the flashback is triggered only by the panic attack. I personally can't ride anything at the fair without having a flashback, only because it raises my adrenaline.

It must be difficult for you also dealing with unpredictable triggers. How do you feel about people using "triggered" as a joke, by the way?

Hopefully, something will get you out of your dissociation. I have been in a removed state ever since the suicide of my partner, which happened two years ago. It makes you wonder if you'll ever leave it.

Thank you for sharing, there was a lot that I didn't know.

[MtnTime2896]

Originally Posted by clydeblack

It must be difficult for you also dealing with unpredictable triggers. How do you feel about people using "triggered" as a joke, by the way?

Hopefully, something will get you out of your dissociation. I have been in a removed state ever since the suicide of my partner, which happened two years ago. It makes you wonder if you'll ever leave it.

Thank you for sharing, there was a lot that I didn't know.

I'm sorry for your loss. Being in a removed state I'd imagine is normal. I can't tell you it'll go away, just that I hope it does.

Honestly, dissociation I can deal with to a degree. It gets confusing sometimes but I've learned to live with it.

"Triggered" as a joke, it makes me hate using the term myself. At the same time, I catch myself laughing if it's clever enough. So, mixed feelings I guess.

Honestly, thank you for this post. I didn't think anyone else got split from reality like I do. I feel a little less alone in that now, though I'm sorry you have to deal with this.

[clydeblack]

Originally Posted by Só leigheas

I'm sorry for your loss. Being in a removed state I'd imagine is normal. I can't tell you it'll go away, just that I hope it does.

Honestly, dissociation I can deal with to a degree. It gets confusing sometimes but I've learned to live with it.

"Triggered" as a joke, it makes me hate using the term myself. At the same time, I catch myself laughing if it's clever enough. So, mixed feelings I guess.

Honestly, thank you for this post. I didn't think anyone else got split from reality like I do. I feel a little less alone in that now, though I'm sorry you have to deal with this.

Likewise. Thank you for listening.

And hopefully things will get a bit better for you as well.