[HatsuneMiku]

I am 22 and have moved back in with my mom. We both have depression and anxiety, she has PTSD, which does affect our relationship quite often. She brings up past issues and events often, mainly bad stuff that happened years ago.

Possible trigger:

My brother had attempted to end her life and he verbally and emotionally abused her in many ways.

I know it hurts her, and she hurts me sometimes by lashing out. Last night we were talking about my job situation, which is stressing us both out. I was frustrated at the situation and she misinterpreted a couple things I said, she took those as personal attacks towards her instead, which was not my intention at all.

She started arguing with me, saying how she wants to break the lease here and go her own way, possibly leaving me homeless and nowhere to go. I only work part time, the boss only employs part time workers and will not give me more hours. I have no healthcare or insurance at all, don't have a car. I have emailed the section 8 housing authority regarding the situation and I'm waiting for a response. We are on section 8 and food stamps, she also receives an SSI settlement.

I think she overreacted this time and believe she lashed out at me not only because of me, but because of her own abusive childhood, her thoughts that she's a bad parent towards my brother and me, a failure in general, and other types of abuse from my dad and other people that have also really hurt her. Tonight I stopped by the grocery store and bought her flowers, came home and gave her the flowers and apologized for any hurt that I had caused her. I also stated out issues between us, ones that she was arguing with me last night about, and suggested solutions and ways to move forward and heal together. She went to the kitchen and took her sleeping medicine, then ignored me until she fell asleep. I was very hurt by her inability to help me heal the situation, and felt pushed away. I'm not sure what to do anymore and really need advice.

I'm not able to move in with other family either. My dad was also very abusive and he is not in my life. My brother is getting help through a facility and program, he's my only sibling. Don't know anyone on my dad's side. With my mom's side, my uncle had molested me when I was 12, after speaking up about it, my entire mom's side (aunts, uncles, grandma) took his side and refuses to talk to me or help me in any way. I have asked a couple friends if they knew anyone who needs a roommate since I may need to move in with someone until section 8 and food stamps kicks in for me, they said they will ask around their friends for me.

I would like to help repair the broken relationship with my mom, but I need her to talk to me and help with the healing process. She's basically the only blood family member I have left, she knows it too. She's not perfect and neither am I, we have both hurt each other. But she refuses to talk to me through those issues. idk what to do now.

[MickeyCheeky]

I'm SO SORRY that you're suffering SO MUCH, HatsuneMiku! It seems like you're already doing EVEYRHTING YOU CAN to improve your situation! Please do NOT be hard on yourself! I'm so sorry that your mom isn't being kind to you! I'm REALLY HAPPY that you've asked for assistance and that you've asked for help to your friends as well! Unfortunately I'm not sure if there's anything I can advice you myself! Just keep focusing on finding help and assistance right now! As for your mother, I'm so sorry she's treating you this way, but unfortunately SHE'S the one that needs to put some work into rebuilding your relationship! It takes two people to do that after all! Hang in there! Things CAN and WILL get better! I'M SURE OF THAT! Just focus on surviving as much as you possibly can right now! That must be the priority! You can focus on the rest later! Just take it one step at the time, ok? I know I'm not very useful! I'm deeply sorry! You have my support and both you and your mom will be in my thoughts and prayers! I'm also here to listen! I wish I could do more to help you! PLEASE NEVER GIVE UP HOPE! There's a bright future ahead of you! Just keep fighting like you're already WONDERFULLY doing! I have much to learn from you! I hope things will get better soon for you and your mother! Sending many AWESOME, kind, safe, sweet, warm, wise and WONDERFUL HUGS TO YOU AND YOUR MOTHER, HATSUNEMIKU, JUST LIKE YOU ARE!

[saidso]

You could get casual work such as cleaning, babysitting, gardening, bar work, coaching, decorating, mending, call centre work, working street markets - to supplement your main job. I did all of those when I was 22. People often need some sort of help and if you already have a job then you can provide references.

Your mum sounds like she deals with overwhelm by isolating and sleeping. If you brother tried to kill her (is that correct?) that is serious trauma. She may need years to get over it. That's her challenge. Perhaps she will reconsider about the lease if you give her some space?

You are right to focus on taking care of your own situation. Your mum has done her job to the extent that you have reached adulthood alive! Perhaps you need to each deal with your challenges separately for a while, just keeping your heart open that things may improve at some point in the future.

I feel like you probably needs some peer trauma support - hope you will find that here and/ or in real life. Keep plodding forward, and congratulate yourself at each step! Sometimes that is all that is possible, but you will get through and out the other side.