[naturalemotion5]

My doc diagnosed me with CPTSD recently and I don't know anyone else that has it so I'm turning here.

I'm wondering if repeated abuse can make it so you have an unstable sense of self. Like not knowing who you are, changing your opinions and thoughts on everything frequently, not having any awareness of your own personality, being easily influenced by others, just generally being very disconnected from your emotions and needs and what you want in life.

Any answers appreciated.

[seeker33]

This is ABSOLUTELY and 100% me! I have absolutely no idea who I am. Especially my lack of consistent opinions, likes and dislikes is extremely frustrating for me. And confusing for people around me who see me as fake and unstable. Having consistent opinions is my dream!

[rhinoinpain]

I tend to think this IS a common "trait" or issue for people with several and compounded traumatic events, which CPTSD encompasses.

I have no set or discernible taste in most of the things I encounter. I like to think I like "a bit of everything" in music, film, TV and everything else, but the truth is, I DO see a lack of a defined identity in myself and I never thought it had to do with my trauma and ptsd, until now that you're mentioning it.

I always just try to go with the flow, if I like something at the moment, I try to enjoy it and do it, if I fall out of love with that later, I just drop it, but it makes it really hard to do worthwhile things like studying university online, as I tried a while ago, and work, even from home.

Thanks for a very insightful post @naturalemotion5 you hit the nail in the head with this. My PTSD diagnosis is just self-given but I've been told by several ppl it should be more like CPTSD since I have had several, several traumas, abuse and neglect in my childhood and more.

I hope you find some peace and a bit of direction soon somehow and I wish you the best of luck my friend

[Skeezyks]

Here's a link to an article, from PC's archives, on the subject of what it's like to be a survivor of complex trauma. Perhaps some of the insights in this article can be of some help:

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/recov...ssistic-abuse/

[naturalemotion5]

Originally Posted by seeker33

This is ABSOLUTELY and 100% me! I have absolutely no idea who I am. Especially my lack of consistent opinions, likes and dislikes is extremely frustrating for me. And confusing for people around me who see me as fake and unstable. Having consistent opinions is my dream!

It's a relief to hear this from everyone, I especially identify with the issue of confusing everyone around me, being seen as fake and unstable, because its caused a lot of problems for me before. Can't remember the last time I was secure in myself.

[seeker33]

Originally Posted by naturalemotion5

It's a relief to hear this from everyone, I especially identify with the issue of confusing everyone around me, being seen as fake and unstable, because its caused a lot of problems for me before. Can't remember the last time I was secure in myself.

Exactly, it's very difficult to live with this. One day I'm a vegetarian, then paleo. One day I'm a Christian and a year later a Wiccan. I pretend to be an intellectual and I end up watching cartoons and reading YA books. I think this greatly affects how others perceive me. I'd truly like to find out who I am!