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#1
how does a person deal with PTSD if they can't talk about it??
how do you trust a professional enough to even bring up the idea of PTSD?? |
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Anonymous42119, Lilly2, TunedOut
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Blknblu
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#2
Great questions! Short answer - finding a trauma based therapist who recognized I had PTSD, and is now working on earning my trust so that I can talk about it, and leading me through steps so that I can not only discuss it, but deal with everything that talking about it brings up. My experience - getting to the point where I am so low / distraught / in pain / miserable that I either had to find help, or....else. Seeking out professional help, and sometimes not returning for a 2nd appointment, because I just couldn't connect with that particular pro. Continuing looking until I could find one I COULD connect with. And for me, trust is a HUGE issue, in all relationships, so, I have to start out slow with a new pro. Which means I have to find a pro who is also willing to start out slow. Whenever I'm approaching a "new" pro - the first few sessions are all about building that trust - not about addressing my "issues". As they are evaluating me, I'm evaluating them. Am I comfortable talking to them? Are they really LISTENING to what I'm saying? Is what THEY are saying feeling "right" to me? As for how to deal with something you can't talk about - that is where the trust you build up in the relationship comes into play, along with the skill of who you see. Your pro should be able to lead you to where you can talk about what is going on; be willing to spend as much time as needed to get there, AND help you deal with everything that gets stirred up during that process. For me, I'm newly diagnosed with PTSD from events that occurred over 40+ years ago. I never once mentioned that I "knew" I had PTSD - never had to. The initial screening process given to me indicated it, and we started from there. All the others I've seen over the years? Treated bits and pieces. So, keep trying.
__________________ Diagnosed: Prolonged PTSD (civilian) BPD Dissociation |
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Anonymous42119, jrae, Lilly2, Lilwren
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jrae
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#3
thanks so much for being open and honest - I know it's difficult.
i'm getting to the point where it's affecting things I do, to the point where this along with my anxiety prevents me from doing certain things! and of course I can't explain to others the reason why... i'm not the type to 'seek out' help, so this could prove quite challenging for me. i too have massive trust issues, so completely understand that! i'm 'too smart' for my own good at times - i can 'tell' where certain questions are 'leading to' or what they are looking for - so I change my answer to hide the truth! like i said, MASSIVE trust issues. |
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Anonymous42119, Kathleen83, Lilly2
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#4
Oh I so totally get ya on this. Funny for me....I've long ago gotten over not being able to talk about my depression, anxiety, meds, psych care, etc. Yet when it comes to this "PTSD thing" - whole different story. Am finding out it's something I seem to be able to talk about to the counselor, but NOT to friends and family. Am glad I did seek out help at this time. Just starting, it's been a roller coaster of a ride so far....but it's also feeling kinda good, in giving me hope that there IS hope. That I don't have to keep living this way. One thing I've done over the years - learned how to say "I don't want to talk about that at this time". It's what I use, when I'm not ready to answer those leading questions you're talking about. When it comes to trust, therapists have to respect my boundaries, or I have to move on. I wish you great luck in finding someone who can earn your trust, and help guide you along. Since things are getting to the point where it's affecting your life....it's definitely worth a try.
__________________ Diagnosed: Prolonged PTSD (civilian) BPD Dissociation |
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Anonymous42119, jrae, Lilly2
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jrae, Lilwren
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Grand Member
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#5
Quote:
Thanks. the thing for me though is i don't have that 'support' system of friends and family! it's just me. and i don't want to open any door that can't be closed again -> i guess that's some serious fear there. so a one-hour session once or twice a month with a therapist, that then leaves me on my own the entire rest of the time! i know it's a healing process that will take lots of time, but i doubt i can do it alone. especially when everyone looks at you and sees/thinks you're fine..... (cuz you look that way, they can't physically see anything wrong) [i also just lost the one person i could talk to about this, was like my best friend, so there's also a massive amount of grief going on here too] |
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Anonymous42119, Lilly2
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#6
So sorry to hear of your recent loss. My sessions are once weekly....with an ability to call out for help at any point if I need it, between sessions. Like I said, can't really say I have friends and family for support either, on this. But hey, we both have this forum!
__________________ Diagnosed: Prolonged PTSD (civilian) BPD Dissociation |
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Anonymous42119, jrae, Lilly2
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jrae
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#7
so long story short, I went thru another 'traumatic event' yesterday. it was medical related. I'm okay or alright now. but I've been having flashbacks all day......
I haven't confided this to anyone IRL yet, what I am and have been going thru. but I see my T on Tuesday and with this recent event, I'm not sure I can 'keep the lid on' things. but at the same time, I realize I am drowning in trauma....... |
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Anonymous42119, Lilly2, Open Eyes
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#8
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I just saw your new post. I have major trust issues, too. Given all the recent trauma you've been through (medical trauma, grief/loss/bereavement trauma), it's not surprising that you are dealing with flashbacks. All my current traumas remind me of past traumas. I have distal support, but I have a hard time trusting people. And, most of the people I've known are married or have obligations with children, so not so much time for the stuff I'm dealing with. Most of my friends are the kind I hang out with on good days. When I am struggling with mental illness or physical illness, I recluse and survive on my own. It's getting harder with age, however. I have DID, so facing PTSD is really hard for me. DID is an automatic coping mechanism, one that happened unconsciously. Now that I'm co-conscious, I have more control, but PTSD feels so scary to face. DID masked and/or muffled my PTSD for many years until I got treated for DID. PTSD is much harder to heal from , which tells me how hard it is for others who don't have DID because they get PTSD full on. I hope that we can all heal from PTSD, however long it takes. We're all here to support one another. |
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jrae, Open Eyes
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jrae
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#9
struggling to handle all the flashbacks
terrified it could be like 'last time', except no aunt for support & comfort |
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Anonymous42119, Lilly2, Open Eyes
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#10
I am sorry you are dealing with experiencing so many flashbacks you feel flooded. I experience that myself and it can feel useless trying to talk about it in that people who don't experience ptsd challenges can be very dismissive and THAT tends to make it worse in that often that is what took place when someone was traumatized to begin with.
What a lot of individuals that survived through many traumas need is a presence that can provide them a willing witness of this and that happened and it's understandable it was traumatic and left that person with a life long challenge of how certain things can deeply trigger them to feel very unsafe on several levels. Honestly, people tend to have no idea all the responses they have that can label the individual suffering as "you are just being weak". Also, so many people have no idea how embarrassing it is to struggle with ptsd where suddenly something can be a trigger and all you can do is try VERY HARD to contain it so it doesn't somehow show or cripple you so you need to distance as quickly as possible. I have a very toxic controlling older sister. Both my parents passed away earlier this year and my sister refused to let me have any time alone with either one of them so I could say my OWN goodbyes to them. She has been so incredibly toxic with a desire to HURT me and people have no idea how bad it has been yet they say "don't allow her to get to you, don't give her control, ignore her and JUST". People will even say how people like that don't get to THEM. Yet they don't know what it's like to be just a baby and have this presence FOUR YEARS OLDER just HATING that you exist and take attention away from THEM. What it's like to be left ALONE with that ANGRY child when too little to understand and even know WHY that is happening and WHAT to do about it. People have NO IDEA what it's like to suddenly have that very frightened child just come over you where you are literally rendered helpless until that finally passes and you slowly come out of it. People can't seem to understand how INTRUSIVE this challenge really is and how it can even be utterly EMBARASSING to the point where you just do everything you can to stay away and avoid this TOXIC PRESENCE. My entire life I struggled with this feeling of needing to look over my shoulder for danger. I thought that was normal, NOT. It's only normal for me in that since when I was a baby there was definitely a presence always over my shoulder often angry, controlling, jealous and bossy and mean. This was in fact my older sister and her toxic jealous and resentful anger was really bad the last years of my parent's lives as she manipulated their mental decline into believing I was a threat to them and how they needed to give HER all the control over them. Just thinking about her and trying to stand up to her, I already know she will get even more toxic and I end up feeling PAIN in my back and my shoulders that can be down right crippling. Yet, I am being weak, I NEED TO JUST ignore her, don't ALLOW her to hurt me, don't let her get her way of HURTING me. Well, there is a part of my brain that is so hurt it can literally take over and cause me to experience things I DO NOT CHOOSE to experience. I am sorry, sorry for anyone who struggles this way, it's not your fault and I know how hard it is to try to control and how lonely it can get too. I am often ashamed and embarrassed that I struggle this way and how at times it gets the best of me despite how hard I really try not to let that happen. |
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jrae, Lilly2, Lilwren
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jrae, Lilwren
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Grand Member
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#11
in the past fourteen years, I've had both medical and vehicle related traumas. (and probably some others) I went thru 8 straight weeks of "h**l" earlier this year - no idea how I survived that/ made it thru, but if I can do that, I can some how manage to find a way thru this now. it may not be the healthiest or best way, but some how some way.
it's just kinda like what happened earlier this year, opened the flood gates so to speak. and the flashbacks 'came alive' again. I'm just not good at any of this - rather prefer to bury things..... |
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Lilly2, Open Eyes
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#12
I have had to deal with suffering through some major health challenges myself. I was in a car accident and my head hit the winshield, so I do drive very defensively.
I have experienced a lot of traumas and suffer from flashbacks, emotional ones, ones where I re-experience events that traumatized me and I also struggle with body memory flashbacks. I tend to avoid certain things to avoid experiencing flashbacks as well. I have avoided certain things in an effort to avoid being further traumatized as well. Unfortunately, a lot of people simply don't understand what it means to struggle this way and tend to say things that are dismissive like "don't allow, just ignore, let it go, forget it, it's over so get over it already". Other people who simply don't get it, tend to say things that infer you are "weak" and need to get a grip and stop being a baby about things. People can actually be mean when they don't know what it's really like to suffer from ptsd and how no one "allows" or wants to experience triggers and flashbacks and how intrusive these episodes can be. This is why individuals that struggle tend to avoid and isolate. |
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Lilly2
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