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Val12
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Member Since Jan 2020
Location: New York
Posts: 27
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Default Mar 25, 2020 at 12:03 PM
  #1
I had 3 traumatic experiences in childhood, 2 of which were near-death with long-term hospitalizations and 1 involving sudden death of a loved one. For nearly 30 years since, I got no treatment and my (what I now know are PTSD) symptoms were dismissed by doctors as bad behavior or attitude or character flaws. Over these 3 decades, I developed debilitating depression and anxiety, severe OCD (a therapist once told me it's the worst she's ever seen in a 25 year career) and intense phobias. I first went to treatment for depression and anxiety about 10 years ago and have had no success despite countless therapists.

Six months ago, my therapist at the time put the pieces together and suggested I might have PTSD and need to see a PTSD therapist. The PTSD therapist and I made recordings of me talking about my traumas that I listened to, but I mostly felt disconnected listening to them (I told the therapist this). I did months of listening and now we are done, but I feel no different. I still have bad depression. I still feel strong anxiety 24/7 over every little task. I still have trouble sleeping at night. I still have debilitating OCD. I'm still jumpy at the slightest sound.

My therapist said we now need to talk about how I'm going to start *living* instead of avoiding life, but all my disorders that came out of the PTSD are still huge issues. Over the past six weeks of these discussions, the only thing to come of our sessions is my need for hobbies, but even that's not going to fix disorders. Has anyone been in a similar boat or can share some advice or experience?
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