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Default Feb 13, 2021 at 07:07 AM
  #1
Anyone taking the time to read this and reply, I want to thank you in advance. I don't know if this is the right place to post this but I feel that what I am going through right now is traumatizing.

Others in this position would probably behave differently. They would access they are in a dangerous situation and comply with demands of the aggressor, but I can't.

I am not sure if I have some sort of defiant disorder or am naive and stubborn, but when someone threatens me - I have a very difficult time giving them what they want.

Not only do I not care to associate with this person, I don't understand what she wants. I go over in my head what I could do differently to appease her and I just don't understand what she is asking of me. And I don't want to desperately appease her. Everything I come up with in an imposition on me and my mental and physical health. But also her ways of retaliation are terrible and I don't have the mental capacity to defend myself against it. Her communication style is not effective in telling me what she needs. I don't know what I can do to keep her from threatening me.

I feel like she is a parasite - what should I do?
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Default Feb 13, 2021 at 08:18 AM
  #2
Is she a friend or a lover or a family member?
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Default Feb 15, 2021 at 12:00 PM
  #3
I know I may be inappropriately seeking help and assurance here, but I feel I need to work through this problem.

The person I am having trouble with makes me feel pitiful. She doesn't respect my current work/hobby situation, she doesn't respect my personal life choices, and she doesn't respect my civil rights.

I feel bad because I have been emotional have spoken my mind and have made the situation worse. I am not acting in retaliation but I am also not making enough of an effort to get her off my back. Sometimes what I say is also taken out of context.

I work short shifts and I am privately employed and a privy is not available to me during the work day. I work close enough to return to my apartment to use the privy. I am accustomed to taking 5 to 10 mins to settle in, greet my dog, possibly make myself a sandwich and make my way to the privy. Is it crazy to think I should wait until the end of the work day to use my own restroom?

When I go out for errands on weekends and evenings I try not to stay out longer than necessary. So last night I got home around 7pm. I checked-in with my neighbor and then made my way back to my apartment. I took 5-10mins to settle in, started a grilled cheese sandwich, washed a few dishes and sat quietly to eat. After my meal, I made my way to the restroom. The tenant upstairs began banging and stomping around complaining that I did not sit to greet her and ask her to retreat to another room. She is so quiet during daytime hours, I wouldn't know if she was there or not. Am I crazy thinking it is normal for her to be entertaining herself in the evening hours? Should running to the restroom without her permission disrupt her night? If the noise of me washing a few dishes and making a sandwich is that disturbing to her, shouldn't she buy a nice area rug to deafen the sound. Also, I am capable of quietly going potty without her help.

Okay, so now I am pottied but still in my errand clothes. I sit at my kitchen table and start a quiet computer game. Eventually I move to my e-mail and stumble around you-tube scholastic videos. She made such a huff earlier, I thought she may have left her living room area. Am I crazy to believe we can't both be on the same side of the house minding our own business? Well, apparently I am crazy. Because she likes to nap in the evening. I have not heard her watch TV or play music once in the 15 months I've lived here.

So, I kinda feel like I don't really get privacy in my studio apartment side of the house. I try to do my baking, and bill paying when I know she isn't home. I try not to do anything I'm new to in case she can hear me, I don't want her to hear me struggle with something new or reveal a secret I've worked hard to achieve but haven't mastered yet. I am feeling very depressed because of this. I don't play music anymore, I've stopped kick-boxing and I am having a hard time finding a good headspace to read, paint or draw.

Recently, I've been hearing her move around more while I am in my kitchen/eating area. It sounds like she may just be moving from one side of the room to the other. I honestly question if she is using drugs to be able to sit still for so long.

Another issue I have is hearing weird noises which seem very forceful in the middle of the night. I spend much of the day sitting with her cats above me and these noises are different. Maybe she has an exercise machine above my sleeping area, but on other nights it sounds like she also sleeps there. I am very confused about her lifestyle. Her unit is a one bedroom unit, the bedroom being on the other side of the house. So she naps in her living room and exercises in the middle of the night in the same room and also sleeps here too. Well, okay I guess I accept that, except sometimes her noises are sudden and scary and wake me up in the middle of the night.

There is more. My workday starts two hours after she leaves. I set my alarm to wake me 10 mins after she drives away. When I first moved in and until I finally put my foot down, she would wake me up at 6 or 7 AM with loud noises (again possible exercise machine). I only hear these noises when I am sleeping, never in the day or evening.

So, I am having a difficult time because it appears she is asking me to wake up to her schedule, limit my kitchen use to 15 minutes intervals (new kitchen with full range and oven). And spend a full 15minutes in my restroom everytime I go in. The apartment is renovated from a historic house. The bathroom is small. There is barely enough room to stand in there. I choose to do my toilet and sink business and come right out. I make an effort to spend time at my vanity before and after but I really would also prefer to do that in my own time.

I understand she has lived here a long time and the previous tenant was older and probably very quiet. I can't help that I am a young woman and have more needs than an elderly man. I also need to open and close the front door twice in the evening to let my dog outside. Again, this being an old house that is a noise making process. She can't expect me to tiptoe around when she is home. She works normal 9-5 work hours and there is no need for her to nap all the time. And why can't she do that in the bedroom. I worry she doesn't do enough for herself and she is too concerned with what I am doing.

She finds ways to retaliate and sometimes aggressively. I don't have a car so she parks her car in my spot as is convenient to her. This actually makes it difficult for my mom to stop by to bring and pick up laundry. My mom won't complain because she doesn't want hard feelings. But my mom has a bigger car and it is more difficult for her to come and go. Also, her AC unit is very loud and is kept above my doorway into the apartment. It dripped all summer so I decided to request permission to paint and install a DIY awning/tarp to catch the dripping. Every time I went outside she would follow me. One time I was working to fix a corner of the tarp and she walked above me on her deck and dumped rain water directly onto me. I said something and she did it again.

Rust from old hardware drips down outside the deck area, so I put in a flower bed surrounding my deck to protect my dog from walking over it. She complains that I am not qualified to do that. I've made many efforts to keep myself separate from her, but still I feel attacked and very depressed like I can't do anything right or on my own. I am feeling very hopeless.

Last edited by Anonymous41250; Feb 15, 2021 at 12:38 PM..
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Default Feb 15, 2021 at 01:14 PM
  #4
That sounds very strange. So she’s your landlady?
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Default Feb 16, 2021 at 04:50 AM
  #5
Which part sounds strange?

At my previous rental location, the owner of the property made a request when I moved in. The property owners were just an average family, similar to the family that owns this multi-family house. They asked I keep the heat at 70. I requested 68 and they approved.

When I moved in, I found a new thermostat. Once winter came, I immediately set my program to 70 during the day and 68 at night.
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Default Feb 16, 2021 at 05:08 AM
  #6
A shared space is difficult and I feel for you in the circumstances you find yourself in.
I wonder if you could play soft gentle music to take your mind away from what she is doing when and why. Would that work for you?
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Default Feb 16, 2021 at 08:24 AM
  #7
The whole thing sounds strange, like not being able to use the bathroom, having to be quiet.
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Default Feb 16, 2021 at 09:36 AM
  #8
Quote:
Originally Posted by ann bog View Post
I know I may be inappropriately seeking help and assurance here, but I feel I need to work through this problem.
It seems you're working through your problem by venting on this thread. That's one of the reasons this site exists, so vent away. I hope your detailed post gave you some clarity. You write that the current situation makes you feel depressed & hopeless. Those aren't very healthy feelings if they arise merely from living in your own space. Can you move to another place? I realize leases sometimes lock people into living somewhere, but there might be ways to work around it since it seems like your incompatability with this woman is creating problems for you both.
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Default Feb 16, 2021 at 10:10 AM
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The tenant who lived here before me was here for 15 years. I guess the other tenants were looking forward to another working professional moving in. My family has lived across the street from this house for 20+ years, and last year we decided to take a look at the studio apartment that became available. (Unfortunately he needed to move to an assisted living community for failing to care for the apartment). There is also a one-bedroom that has a high turn-over, but first time studio became available.

I am not sure if what she does to me is harassment, but it sure feels like it. I don't mind being quiet - how much noise can surfing on my computer and watching TV really make. Yes, I live here. I don't have a fancy entertainment system but I do keep an air filter going and fans to keep the unit cool and dry. The noise I make is reasonable. She has made clear to me she has no intention of welcoming me - she wants a new tenant. Because she naps through the evening hours, she is very active at strange hours in the night. Sometimes at two or three and sometimes at five in the morning. This bothers me - but her bad attitude bothers me much much more.
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Default Feb 16, 2021 at 10:26 AM
  #10
It sounds absolutely horrid. I’d start looking for a new place ASAP. This woman is so off base, terrible
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Default Feb 16, 2021 at 05:08 PM
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Originally Posted by divine1966 View Post
It sounds absolutely horrid. I’d start looking for a new place ASAP. This woman is so off base, terrible
This sounds like sarcasm, thanks for reading but doesn't change the fact that this woman is terrible.
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Default Feb 16, 2021 at 05:35 PM
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Originally Posted by ann bog View Post
The tenant who lived here before me was here for 15 years. I guess the other tenants were looking forward to another working professional moving in. My family has lived across the street from this house for 20+ years, and last year we decided to take a look at the studio apartment that became available. (Unfortunately he needed to move to an assisted living community for failing to care for the apartment). There is also a one-bedroom that has a high turn-over, but first time studio became available.

I am not sure if what she does to me is harassment, but it sure feels like it. I don't mind being quiet - how much noise can surfing on my computer and watching TV really make. Yes, I live here. I don't have a fancy entertainment system but I do keep an air filter going and fans to keep the unit cool and dry. The noise I make is reasonable. She has made clear to me she has no intention of welcoming me - she wants a new tenant. Because she naps through the evening hours, she is very active at strange hours in the night. Sometimes at two or three and sometimes at five in the morning. This bothers me - but her bad attitude bothers me much much more.

Is her schedule compatible with your schedule?
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Default Feb 17, 2021 at 01:13 AM
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It sounds absolutely horrid. I’d start looking for a new place ASAP.
Thanks for listening
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Default Feb 17, 2021 at 01:21 AM
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Is her schedule compatible with your schedule?
Both home in evenings... should be able to work on a compromise without harassment.. typically a bedroom is used for sleeping in - not the entry room. I would be very upset to find that it couldn’t be used due to something like hoarding or harassment in the other side of the unit. But I don’t think either of those are issues. There is possibly a reason she can’t use the bedroom to sleep in, but shouldn’t she spend more of her evenings there then? Tenant on other side doesn’t work nights either - but does work some weekends. And I believe she also may having a dining room, and her living room area is huge - the size of my full apartment. Having a deck to retreat to will help for me in spring and it took a lot of work to make that space safe (approved and paid for by landlord). if she is unhappy, maybe could she move?? Well, no one is asking her to up-root herself and move out actually- just to be civil until we work out a compromise. No-one works third shift here, we should be able to work out an applicable arrangement.

Last edited by Anonymous41250; Feb 17, 2021 at 01:39 AM..
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Default Feb 17, 2021 at 08:04 AM
  #15
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Originally Posted by Anonymous41250 View Post
Both home in evenings... should be able to work on a compromise without harassment.. typically a bedroom is used for sleeping in - not the entry room. I would be very upset to find that it couldn’t be used due to something like hoarding or harassment in the other side of the unit. But I don’t think either of those are issues. There is possibly a reason she can’t use the bedroom to sleep in, but shouldn’t she spend more of her evenings there then? Tenant on other side doesn’t work nights either - but does work some weekends. And I believe she also may having a dining room, and her living room area is huge - the size of my full apartment. Having a deck to retreat to will help for me in spring and it took a lot of work to make that space safe (approved and paid for by landlord). if she is unhappy, maybe could she move?? Well, no one is asking her to up-root herself and move out actually- just to be civil until we work out a compromise. No-one works third shift here, we should be able to work out an applicable arrangement.

Did you change your name?
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