New Trigger Found

I found a new trigger this weekend.
My neighbours boyfriend. He may as well be the same person.
He looks similar, he has a similar attitude and demeanor and man I just got so overwhelmed. I zone out whenever they appear near us - Sometimes we hang outside (distanced) for drinks, but I have to eventually get up and leave I just can't.

Its great that I'm noticing them, but do they ever get easier? I just feel so drowned by it all, everything about it drains me, living in that space in my head, never knowing when I'm going to hit with flashbacks. I feel nauseous and tired all the time.

Does it end? Does anyone have any recommendations on PTSD reading? books or articles that are good?

Love this community so much.
Thank you.

Dear jai-jai,

I am so sorry that you are afflicted with a new trigger. Wish I knew what to say that would help!

Sincerely yours, Yao Wen

Thank you ❤ just the support of knowing you are here helps.

Love your screen name. Very cool. The only thing that has ever worked for me is chanting and meditating. I've read tons of books. Took what I needed and always felt something was missing. Or lacking. Once I came to the realization that I was the only one who could heal myself, only then was I able to find peace. It's been a long, hard road. I'm finally in my groove. Hugs...

Hi jai-Jai sorry you are discovering new triggers. People don’t understand how intrusive they can be. It’s important to remind yourself you are safe now and have a place you can be that feels safe and comforting. Remember that triggers do dissipate and you will be ok again. Try not to feed into them or let them frighten you. Get comfortable and have a special blanket or stuffed animal or something you can have to keep you “present” and breath in and out slowly. Say to yourself that you remember but you are safe now. That reduces the power of the trigger.

Thank you Zipper dog, yours is pretty darn cool too! Thats interesting? I just feel myself unraveling quickly, and I worry that I will begin to engage further in destructive behaviours. Thank you for the support and insight.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Open Eyes Hi jai-Jai sorry you are discovering new triggers. People don’t understand how intrusive they can be. It’s important to remind yourself you are safe now and have a place you can be that feels safe and comforting. Remember that triggers do dissipate and you will be ok again. Try not to feed into them or let them frighten you. Get comfortable and have a special blanket or stuffed animal or something you can have to keep you “present” and breath in and out slowly. Say to yourself that you remember but you are safe now. That reduces the power of the trigger.

Thank you for this, O E.

I'm sorry to hear you found another trigger. One piece of advice I have is that if you are stuck seeing your neighbor's boyfriend try to remind yourself that even if he seems similar he is not the same person as the man involved in your trauma. Also try to remind yourself you are safe now. For me in time I have gotten better at coping with triggers and hopefully you will too. Trauma therapy and art therapy provided the biggest help for me.

Thank you.

I have since found more things that trigger me.... some of them leave me in a really dark place. I am worried I'll go back to old habits. SI mainly.
I've been working on creating an internal safe space, where No one can harm me.

My most recent flashback was incredibly disturbing, I'm now concerned about what else happened... trying to remember... but there's so many gaps, patches of time I don't have memories of. Sometime it makes me want to die, sometimes I want to scrub myself clean and other times I want to hide. I'm exhausted and I want this to be over.

I feel like I'm drowning.

(((jai-jai)))

i wish there was something i could say that could help, but really no words will repair the hell you've been through. the fact that you've made it this far is a testament to your will.

I appreciate it, this community too, navigating this alone felt unbearable, I sometimes feel like its not worth fighting anymore, I am exhausted. I keep feeling like I am still numb to the pain, I cannot cry it out. Its like I'm both here and there. I am glad that I am here and trying to deal and heal.

Yes! I was numb for long years. It's so painful thawing out to get in touch with the emotions and very exhausting, emotionally. I don't believe it can just be simply cried out tbh It just takes very long to process and then the crying is more effective too but really what it takes is reorganising your memories and integrating them into your sense of reality. Accepting how these bad things can/have happened. Something like that. That is very hard, I think. Especially because trauma affects us in our "weakest" parts. Which makes it just that much harder to process but it is possible. And yes, keep going!

Thank you Alive, I found out tonight that I'm triggered when I try and shower. I don't know how I am supposed to process or deal with this. I want to be the person I was a few years ago, so busy I've not the time to process, it sucks having to face this. Emotional reminders and physical reminder inside my body.