[The_little_didgee]

I have never been diagnosed with PTSD, but I do acknowledge I had a traumatic hospital experience, mostly while I was held in the inpatient psychiatric unit. Most of the trauma is due to misdiagnosis and the way I was treated because of it. I seem to have sorted through most of that with the help of a psychotherapist. My psychiatrist helped as well by auditing my records. She answered a lot of my questions and shared her opinions on my horrific treatment. It was the first time I ever heard a psychiatrist tell me, that the system failed me.

I'm mostly okay with what happened now, but there are still lingering effects like trusting doctors and certain situations triggering unpleasant memories. Most of the time I can get through it. My recently triggered memory is harder to process, though.

I feel so disgusted and disturbed by someone I met who tried to take the life of another person, who was in no position to fight back, to get back at her ex. I don't even remember her name or what she looked like. All I can recall was the conversation and her indifference. She just tried to murder someone a few days earlier and seemed normal. WTF? We only spoke twice and briefly. She approached me to ask about the psychometric testing she had to do (How could I help? I was in a gown so I definitely did not look like staff.). She also complained about how long it was and told me why she was there. After that I remember asking myself if she was telling the truth, but don't recall feeling any strong emotions.

This occurred in a medical-psychiatric unit, in a general hospital, not a forensic unit in a psychiatric hospital. Most patients had other medical conditions like chronic pain and cancer. I never expected to meet a person who just attempted to commit murder there.

It feels like this conversation just took place by the strong feelings I feel right now, even though it happened years ago. I mostly understand why I feel so strongly, but why now?

I feel, like I let myself down, by subjecting myself to such people by the environment I was in. It kind of feels like I deliberately put myself in the situation by getting myself admitted via the emergency department.

[The_little_didgee]

This may be the reason why I am so bothered by that women right now.

My friend, who was upset about a prescription his family doctor wrote, called me to vent. He asked her for a specific type inhaler, that his doctor agreed to. It turned out she wrote a prescription for the one he disliked by accident. He was livid and decided to called me to vent. After he finished ranting about the doctor's error and the state of Ontario's health care system, he asked me, why I let the psychiatrists at the General treat me so bad. - I never thought I deliberately let them treat me like a piece of excrement.