Here's a safe thread for us all

[TishaBuv]

Have been and now am not! Feeling like myself again and actually happy. I am giving myself reassurance that I deserve to be well and live a happy life and not letting myself feel guilty.

Originally Posted by TishaBuv

Have been and now am not! Feeling like myself again and actually happy. I am giving myself reassurance that I deserve to be well and live a happy life and not letting myself feel guilty.

You deserve a happy life

Can never get the trigger stuff to work on my "smart"phone but here goes

Trigger warning from this point onwards
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One thing my abusive ex would do is threaten suicide if i didnt do as he wanted

He also said he would make sure i had two kids cause he wanted them, i have never wanted kids

He wouldnt allow protection in the house for either of us and even though fire is a major fear of mine, he wouldnt allow me to wear anything in bed at night, he would literally hide my pajamas so i couldnt wear them

He has so many restraining orders against different exes he will run out of places he's allowed to live, if he's not careful .........

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by willowtigger

He has so many restraining orders against different exes he will run out of places he's allowed to live, if he's not careful .........

You mean exes had orders against him?

Originally Posted by divine1966

You mean exes had orders against him?

yes he wasnt allowed to go within however many miles it was of the homes of some of his exes, even before i got involved with him

i wasnt able to see the red flag at the time

i have only recently began to understand why thats a big red flag (learning disabilities that i got)

[xIxAmxSadx]

Glad to see this thread. If anyone here needs support from someone who's been through it also I am here <3

[xIxAmxSadx]

Anyone else's families judge everyone you date in fear of them being abusive too?

Originally Posted by xIxAmxSadx

Anyone else's families judge everyone you date in fear of them being abusive too?

I havent dated since the ex i said in this thread

[cool09]

Do you consider abuse in the hospital an abusive relationship? Cause I've had that.

[Marie123]

I grew up with a physically and abusive mother. Married someone like her trying to fix the past. Divorced after 31 years, then experienced spiritual abuse.....a church that put my name up on a big screen, followed by the words, "Conduct Unbecoming a child of God." The book, The Verbally Abusive Relationship saved my sanity and my life. I still have my faith and sense of humor!

[TishaBuv]

Originally Posted by xIxAmxSadx

Anyone else's families judge everyone you date in fear of them being abusive too?

While being able to see red flags is good for self protection, being overly hyper vigilant causes you to not be able to trust anyone. It’s not good to try to see the bad, lead with that kind of thinking.

[xIxAmxSadx]

Exactly TishaBiv. I hope my family can see that one day.

[Buffy01]

I had an ex -boyfriend who suddenly :hug became mentally abusive

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by xIxAmxSadx

Anyone else's families judge everyone you date in fear of them being abusive too?

Absolutely all the time

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by TishaBuv

While being able to see red flags is good for self protection, being overly hyper vigilant causes you to not be able to trust anyone. It’s not good to try to see the bad, lead with that kind of thinking.

I’ll keep this in mind.

[MuddyBoots]

I'm not getting in another relationship ever again. Just hurt after hurt after hurt.

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by TishaBuv

While being able to see red flags is good for self protection, being overly hyper vigilant causes you to not be able to trust anyone. It’s not good to try to see the bad, lead with that kind of thinking.

I agree. I've definitely been in abusive relationships.

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

I agree. I've definitely been in abusive relationships.

[Superpower]

Last night I got intense flashbacks and intense insomnia until 5am and I couldn’t sleep. I keep getting flashbacks of being raped but I feel like it's my fault still because I let it happen. I was a minor I was 16-17 with a whole 31 year old I don’t know what was wrong with me. I get it’s not my fault but it still feels that way. My mom said that when we fall in “love” (which I don’t think for a second that’s love I was manipulated into being attached/dependent” when we get attached I guess we aren’t ourselves. I was with him for 4 months while being 16 and two months at 17. He would force me (with his words) to not wear condoms and I was so scared to get pregnant so he convinced me to get me really drunk and punch me in the stomach really hard which happened like twice. Since I agreed to it a part of me feels like it’s my fault. When I would say no he would just coerce me to do it anyway. Hopefully he goes to jail but whenever I go out I’m super paranoid I’ll find him. This has ruined my sleep and given me nightmares. I feel very alone but Atleast I have my mom. I have some nice dreams where I dream of having friends again.

[darkfeary]

I feel defeated. I am tired of fighting for my life every second and trying to heal for the past 20 years with no progress. I am 50 now and I just feel paralyzed. I am exhausted. My mind and body are relentless terrorists. I wish that I can break through whatever in me is so resistant and closed off to healing. My life is a mess, getting worse, and I lost everything and everyone. I am frozen now and just do not want to do anything anymore but I am forced to go on because of my children, who I hardly get to spend time with anymore since they are older and so busy with their own lives. I was swindled and robbed out of a real life. 😞

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by Superpower

Last night I got intense flashbacks and intense insomnia until 5am and I couldn’t sleep. I keep getting flashbacks of being raped but I feel like it's my fault still because I let it happen. I was a minor I was 16-17 with a whole 31 year old I don’t know what was wrong with me. I get it’s not my fault but it still feels that way. My mom said that when we fall in “love” (which I don’t think for a second that’s love I was manipulated into being attached/dependent” when we get attached I guess we aren’t ourselves. I was with him for 4 months while being 16 and two months at 17. :He would force me (with his words) to not wear condoms and I was so scared to get pregnant so he convinced me to get me really drunk and punch me in the stomach really hard which happened like twice. Since I agreed to it a part of me feels like it’s my fault. When I would say no he would just coerce me to do it anyway. Hopefully he goes to jail but whenever I go out I’m super paranoid I’ll find him. This has ruined my sleep and given me nightmares. I feel very alone but Atleast I have my mom. I have some nice dreams where I dream of having friends again.

I’m very

[Elle2Linda]

Feeling Disheartened

How come is it, that my narcissistic ex’s reinforcements felt like genuine stability? Granted, I always needed to make myself available for his calls, there was no flexibility over missing his calls, being free to call back whenever. This was the first red flag. However, how come it felt so stable when he would give his word about what time he would be coming to visit or we would make certain plans, and he would always, ALWAYS hold to his word? He would be super punctual. This felt like someone who keeps to their word.

How come is it, although

Possible trigger:

he super blamed me for getting pregnant by coming off the birth control—and still does, he did not ask me to abort our now 2-year-old?

He knew, this godless, morally devoid man, that somehow God wouldn’t want that. Or felt that bad karma would fall back on him somehow. So he became a first-time father at age 51. Although everything about him, his incessant berating of me, rattled my world, he still felt, and still feels “safer” sometimes, than what a normal relationship might look and feel like. Where you’re supposed to take things slow and things feel like they’re not moving quickly enough.

Where your supposed “Christian” male friend of 10+ years

Possible trigger:

asks you to abort

because he hooked up with you and somehow, the Plan B failed. Because at age 37, he’s not “ready” to be a father. So this feels destabilizing, attempting to establish a “normal” romantic relationship in the aftermath of 3+ years of narcissistic trauma.