[darkfeary]

I do not know who to trust or what to believe in anymore. I feel like everyone is fake amd I notice everything now and I am confused what is real. I feel like I cannot even trust my mind. I feel like going somewhere and living alone for the rest of my life (50 years old now) and running away from everyone and everything I know, even my kids. I feel worthless and like a burden. Anyone else?

[Yaowen]

I feel like that too sometimes. It is almost like I wasn't meant for this world. So I can DEFINITELY identify with you.

The thing that helps me most is having a kind of mission in life. Perhaps that it silly but it helps me. I saw the movie Schindler's List when I was younger and it had a big impact on me.

So I read biographies about Mr. Schindler. He suffered a whole bunch of misfortunes in his life and many were caused in part by he himself. So I identified with that.

And to say that his life was kind of a mess would be an understatement. Business failures, Relationships failures. Bad habits. Bad luck.

But he is remembered for none of those things today. He is remembered for being a Holocaust rescuer. At one time in his life he saved lives. After that he kind of went downhill. Living day to day selling light bulbs door to door.

I think that something that no one can take away from you is any good you do in this world. That kind of thing is saved in the past. And nobody can go back into the past and meddle with it.

I think of Dr. Albert Schweitzer. He had a certain love for living things.

He used to walk carefully so he would not accidentally snuff out the lives of the little ants foraging in a little world below him.

So I started to do that too.

A little bit of kindness. Why destroy a little ant just because I am too busy to watch my step? Then I started to help other little animals like Dr. Schweitzer did.

I don't know but I began to feel connected to all of life.

There was an elderly homeless woman in my city who inspired me too. She lived by begging and would stand by gas stations and convenience stores. But she did something a bit special.

Even though she didn't make much from begging she always put a little bit of her earnings into those little charity boxes at stores and gas stations. You know the kind: March of Dimes. St. Jude's Children's Hospital, the Red Cross and so on.

Who was it who said: "All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle." ?

This lady lit a little candle in the darkness. She was a kind of hero. Not the kind that gets celebrated in the media. Just an ordinary kind of hero, which is extraordinary!

I don't know, but I imagine she was shunned a lot in her life. Maybe part of the reason she was homeless was because she was shunned for whatever reason. And certainly many people are turned off and shun and sneer at the homeless.

But there was a little light in her. And this light lifted her above her misfortunes. She didn't overcome them, but she transcended them. She rose above them.

She said her quiet little "no" to the darkness and in her own little way made the world a little bit of a better place.

I don't know who said it, but someone said, it is not the circumstances of life that define a person but how they face those circumstances.

Once when I was quarantined for almost year at my house, the only time I could go out really was to get the mail and take out the trash. I decided that on these little journeys, I would not step on any ants. That was my little contribution to Life.

I've met a lot people on this Forum who are in a bad way and yet they take a little time each day to welcome people here or give those who are struggling a little pat on the back, a little hug, a few words of kindness, encouragement, understanding and solace.

Sometimes it helps a person struggling just to know that others are also in bad circumstances so they don't feel all alone in their distress and grief.

Your post will certainly help others here who are alone with their struggles.

I remember the words of Archimedes: "Give me a lever long enough and a fulcrum and I will move the earth."

You are not worthless or a burden! You are a precious diamond and a diamond is always a diamond even if someone throws it in the mud.

I hope you will find meaning in your life and some way to transcend your circumstances. Sorry I do not know how to be helpful to you. Sometimes you want to be helpful but you just don't know how.

Hopefully others here will have better words for you than my poor words. I am rooting for you!

[darkfeary]

Thank you so much and bless you for taking the time to be kind. Much appreciated.