Trauma Question

So, about four years ago I sustained a series of traumatic losses over the course of a year and a half followed by four more traumatic events over the ensuing three years . I almost didn't survive this, but did somehow manage to process and come through it all. My issue now is that I do not trust life at all anymore. I don't feel remotely safe beyond what I have in the moment. I'm not overwhelmed by anxiety and feel pretty good most of the time, it's just that I no longer believe that life will allow me to keep anything good in my life.

I realize that safety is an illusion and that anything can be lost at any moment, but usually humans need some sense of security to function. I just feel like if a cluster of awful things can happen once, it can happen again. I no longer even have any goals beyond the short term. This is somewhat freeing, but I also feel like this has ruined my ambition. I appreciate what I have because I expect it to be taken at any moment. Striving for large goals seems foolish and destined to fail.

I'm not sure how a person can live like this long-term. Having some belief in success seems necessary to keep moving forward. How can I ever regain that knowing what I've been through? How do I feel safe again knowing that it's a lie?

I don't have any answers, but I can tell you I can completely understand. Because of my trauma, I've become extremely impulsive and do whatever comes to mind as soon as it comes to mind because it might be the last thing that comes to mind.

I think time with a safe environment will help. At least that's what I've been told. Therapy might also be useful to learn how to trust again.

It's difficult when a series of bad things happen to us, especially in a short space of time. Are you certain that you've processed it all? As sometimes when we're feeling unsafe it's because something from our past is haunting us and needs to be dealt with. Maybe you need help to do this, to regain your trust in the world and your sense of safety.

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To the original poster-
So what I understand from your post is that a lot of traumatic things have happened, which led you to feel disillusioned with life, and perhaps you feel there’s no point since everything is lost anyway.
I’m so glad you shared about it
It seems you have been keeping strong for a long time
It seems like life is meaningless and though I don’t agree, I understand the feeling
Since my friend also used to say this
I am not sure what events have happened in your life, yet I believe ptsd is a real thing
I get distressing dreams, dizziness, sleepiness, etc and I’m not even sure what traumatic incidents happened in my life, there were no natural disasters, deaths or accidents. There was probably a slow, long term pattern of abuse (strong word) but it’s hard to know