I am unsure so I am posting this here.

I have had a childhood experince happen that changed me in a bad way. From what my biological mother and father described, I was a pretty emotional and cuddly kid. At the time, most would consider it effeminate, especially in the area I grew up, as it was a commercial fishing village. I got led into a false sense by people I thought were friends. They held my hand and said the were leading me to play some schoolyard game, instead I was led to a group of others and the person whose hand I held, pushed me down. And they started insulting me. The incident... it changed me. I was a quiet person. I did what was told of me. But after this... I spent my entire recesses and lunches in detention. I became distant, and my teacher threatened me and my mother that she was going to force feed me Ritalin.

About 2014, I had got a job to help do live in healthcare for a elderly gentleman. At this point in time, I struggled with social relationships. I had got too open with him. He had a habit of sneaking alcohol home. One reached a point that I struggle with even to this day. He had SA me. I remember when he was aggressively trying to make his move and despite being 193cm (6'4") I froze up and fear consumed my mind. I blacked out and woke up in his room. I think I was crying. Two days later I took off to move to another province.

2016 I got into a relationship with someone. Having weak social skills, I think I put in all my eggs in one basket. This person was very intense and had some traumatic experinces in their live. I think I gave off a very submissive or weak vibe as it seemed she took advantage of that. By November of 2021, I had several people around me say, the relationship I was in was not very healthy and they were very concerned for my safety. I think at that time I just assumed this was normal behavior. Several people who had seen first hand instances of the situation unexpectantly, point out that it was narcissistic behaviors. I failed to understand what they were talking about. Until one day it clicked. I packed up, and moved back to my birth province, only to see the hot mess the province is in.

I suspect I may have PTSD, but I have never had a chance to explore this. I am on a waiting list to get paired up with a family doctor. This has been going on for 2 years now. Conseling is available but it is only a bandaid, and had shut down for a period from a respirotory illness. Between housing and Healthcare both going through a crisis (58.2 weeks avg median wait time, 37.8 weeks avg time to be find a GP/Family Doctor) this is very very rough.

Sent from my SM-G960W using Tapatalk

Just replied to one of your other threads.

Yes, it sounds like you have C-PTSD

Maybe online counseling could help until you get a doctor?