[Rio_]

It's highly unlikely that I'd ever be able to do this, but I keep finding myself imagining how I'd tell people IRL what I saw and what I remember, and how they'd react. I don't know why, because it doesn't exactly improve my mood...does anyone else do this, or is it just me?

I did this at one point. Imagined myself going up to people and saying "This happened to me". At the time I was imagining it, I hadn't actually said it to anyone, not even T.

Telling T kind of took that away for me. I'm not sure what it was all about.

[skeksi]

I have had this, too. After working with my T and telling him, I felt less like I needed the entire world to know I was hurt. However, I also became more open with my close friends--a couple now know I have PTSD and a vague outline of why.

I'm also more comfortable about letting my symptoms be what they are. A lot of my friends know I'm jumpy, for example, or that I need my back to a wall. I've not explained why, and I don't feel the need to. I'm more comfortable now it letting it be what it is--a bad thing (or a series of bad things) that happened to me and affect me, but do not define me.

So you're not alone at all. When you imagine telling, who is it you tell?

[yruloud]

I think I imagine telling someone because everyone around me knows and isn't the least bit shocked, surprised, or sympathetic. We deserve all of those emotions from others, but when we don't get them, it's like discounting that the pain is real. What happened to me WAS shocking, but it sure would be nice to see someone else besides myself or my T think so. I understand, I dreally do. I do know that if the perpetrators of some of my pain really understood how devestated I am, they might feel bad for doing these things to me, but deep down, I know they never will.

[Rio_]

Thanks for replying, earthmama. It's good to know I'm not the only one, and I'm glad that telling your therapist helped you. I didn't really discuss it with mine - we had a few sessions of EMDR, but most of the things that came up weren't actual memories (a lot of what I "remember" I've picked up from reading news reports since) so I'm not sure how much it helped.

[Rio_]

Thanks for replying, skeksi. Good to know I'm not alone! Again, I'm glad that your therapist helped, and that's great you've been able to be open about it to your friends. I have no idea how much my friends know - it got quite a lot of media attention at the time, but they would have been too young to watch the news back then (most of my friends were around 6 or 7)...it's still all over the internet, though. I've never been able to talk about it to any of them, although I've come close a few times, and I was asked about it by one of my flatmates last year...that wasn't much fun.

Originally Posted by skeksi

When you imagine telling, who is it you tell?

Usually friends, especially ones I haven't known for long. The question of "where are you from?" almost always comes up eventually, and I'm never sure how people will react when I tell them.

[Rio_]

Thanks for replying, yruloud. That sucks about people's reactions, I'm sorry. One of the reasons I hate talking about it is that I'm scared that it'll just be met with a "So what?" That's good your therapist understands, at least. And thanks!