Anniversary

Hi Everyone,

I am wondering if anyone has any ideas that can help me - i am coming up to the anniversary of the event that gave me my ptsd - i seem to have a clock in my head that's counting down and whenever i am not keeping myself flat out busy i am reminded that its a couple of weeks to go - it's not something im trying to keep in my head - not something i want to remember - somthing came up at work recently and i related it back to my event and the others there didnt even remember it - so why should i ? (this will make it two years ) it is drawing the last bit of strength i have left and as it gets closer to the day i get more and more tired - i have to work today and i really really really and did i say REALLY dont want to go - being there reminds me every day of what happened - even though it's relatively safe now (is anywhere really safe?) The more i push it away the more it came back so I sat down and said ok lets go over this and i did I thought the whole thing through - but that clock still keeps ticking off the days in my head..... how do you deal with anniversaries? P7

P7, hi...

usual disclaimers of jme/jmo ok?

Anniversaries used to be harder for me to handle with any type of ease...mine are further back in the past than yours, but this is what I learned over the years.

I stopped denying their importance to me. It was so very hard to give up being brave/understanding and allow myself to grieve and to feel my anger. Keeping it inside made me sick, and it actually made it harder to get through the memories.
Talking to trusted friends helped me, as did talking to myself(!) Talking about it took away some of its power over me...
Personally? If you can get out of being where it is bothering you so much--stay away. Period. Workplace? Get a 24 hour virus. Home? 24 hour virus that would allow you to avoid being around those who where/are part of it.
No where is it written in stone that we have to tough out these things! God, but we can be so hard on ourselves when it comes to these things! Along with other things, too.
It's very hard to be kind to ourselves, isn't it?

Do whatever you need to do to get by this anniversary in the way that is best For You. You...

Cap

(((((((((P7)))))))))))

I agree with capp. The more you try and push it away the harder it will hit back at you. Be kind to yourself. Focus on something you can do that will reward yourself. Do things you enjoy, be where you want to be. Don't force yourself to tough it out. Understand that the event has hurt you and try not to compare yourself to others who seam like they are coping.

Often I find that the anticipation of the anniversary dates are harder than the day itself. ( I have four major ones) so I have learnt over time not to allow it to have so much power. When they come up I only give myself a hour a day to stress about it. If it comes up I say to myself, that it can wait until 7pm worry time. Then I spend this worry time writing the stressful things down. If I reread them after the date I often think wow I didn't need to worry about that and the following year I often dont. This takes time and is slow process but it is working.
I hope you will allow yourself to express your emotions as they are as it is still a new place for you to be two years after the event.

Good luck and wishing you calm thought

((((((((((( p7 ))))))))))))))))
Anniversaries are tough I just had my third anniversary this may, the anticipation was much worse then the actual anniversary. I kept myself busy, going to see T and my mom's dog decided to have puppies that day so I had to go to her house to help her. I can understand the clock in your head that you are talking about, it just keeps ticking away reminding you of how much longer you have until the exact anniversary moment, I am sorry I don't know how to stop the clock. Good luck, remember to practice good self care, that is so important.

PTSD does that. The harder you fight anything, the stronger it becomes.

Try planning a different type of day for yourself, if you can. Do something you would normally enjoy, filling your time and also telling your mind that you are safe now. So, maybe take the day off from work? If you can't do that, they plan a special lunch time activity, and a reward for when work in done for the day.

Otherwise, some people find taking the day and burrowing down in bed and nurturing themselves works for them.



I hope that as you plan other things for that day, that the anniversary will become more and more faded.

Believe in Him or not --- GOD LOVES YOU!

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Thanks everyone, I guess the idea of not working on the day never entered my head - always thought "just get on with it and stop whinging!" also didnt want to admit defeat - that it still bothers me - that seems to say he won - adn i dont want him to win anything !!! - have always had to be strong for others (funny im the youngest but im the one people turn to when they want help) and that if i wasnt strong then somehow that meant that what happened could happen all over again - so i had to stay strong all the time - very tiring!

My boss is back tomorrow so i may pluck up the courage and ask if i can take day off - although the 24 hour virus is sounding good bacause then i wouldnt have to tell her why - there is still shame - anyway - thankyou all for your suggestions - i appreciate them one and all P7

((P7)) we are togther in this

P7, how did it go?
I guess I'm mainly concerned that you made the choice to take care of yourself. whatever decision you made is fine...at any given moment we are doing the best we can.

Power to you.
Cap

My anniv is the 24th so its not here yet - I guess im in a dark place at the moment - had a hissyfit at work - boss took down the pics we had on our lockers - only dumb things we had put on each others lockers to make us smile - things like "only my cat understands me" someone had put- one flew over the cuckoos nest on mine that always made me smile - and i had a ribbon put on my locker from a guy that died suddenly two weeks afterwards - i always felt safe working with him - he was a really nice genuine guy and a good friend - and my boss had screwed it up and thrown it in the bin - I lost it! - went to her office and told her i wanted it back - I must have looked like a real idiot - i was standing there saying he's dead how do i get another one - he s dead - she must have thought i was nuts -i had to leave the ward for a while to calm down because i had tears rolling down my face - i went through the rubbish and got it back but now all it reminds me of is how upset i was - my place looks like a tip and i dont have the motivation to do anything all i want to do is curl up somewhere and make the world go away - and i seem to be on the edge of tears all the time - bet you're sorry you asked ha ha it's only 6 days to go - i just wish it was over - take care P7

P7, I am not sorry that I asked!
I asked because I care along with many others here...

Your post reflects what it was like for me, and still can be, when those anniversaries were approaching...I was hyper vigilant, highly sensitive, got in a pissy mood real easily.
Ya know what? Those feelings are all right. I did have to learn to compromise on letting them loose when they surfaced. Sometimes I did it calmly and other times I was an itch with a capital B.
It's ok. We do the best we can, we mumble apologies if required for some of our actions, we weep, don't sleep, overeat or not eat...it's tough.
But in time, sigh that other four letter word, we do develop ways of facing them and working through them and it lessens their control over us.
Time. Hold on to the knowledge that it won't be perfect, but it will be different in the way we handle these things.

Please know that I care,
Cap

Sometimes I did it calmly and other times I was an itch with a capital B.

Cap[/quote]

that made me smile - thankyou I think ive been an itch with a capital b for a while now off and on - I know i WILL get through this and hopefully without upsetting everyone around me or driving them all crazy -

i guess im just tired - tired and hypervigilant there's a crazy mix for you!
its good to find people who understand - at work they cant work out why i still think about it - well join the club - neither can i - its not like i think ok lets drive myself crazy for a few hours and remember what happened! sorry - that was the itch with a capital b coming out - i only have to survive another 4 days then the 24th will have come and gone for another year - thanks for your support P7

2 days to go and i feel like im hyper everything! dont know if there was a loud noise if i would jump, run or burst into tears (not something i usually do - all cried out a long time ago) - but tears keep coming to my eyes and i dont know why? just edgy i guess - wondering what work will be like this afternoon - hoping that it will be ok - scared - but dont know what of - that's dumb! I just wish it were over - it's just a day and I want it over!!! By tuesday it will be gone for another year - but I dont want to play this game any more! - taking my bat and ball and going home wish I could - most of my family are in the UK and my sis thats here....well shes dealing with her life - just feeling a bit lost today - take care P7

((P7))
I care
Cap

I know how hard it is. Mine is the 26 and thanksgiving i am with u.

i will be thinking of you on the 26th - 24 hours and mine will be over - fingers crossed P7

24 hours and it will be over - i dont know whether i am more tired or scared - strange feelings to have at the same time........i think scared is winning - I tell myself there is nothing to be scared of but im still afraid - 24 hours and it will be over .... wish it were over now. then i will be able to think again - I feel like an animal caught in the headlights - unable to move or think - its just 24 hours - I can do that - if I could I would run until I was out of breath and far away...... P7

(((((phoenix7)))))))))))))))))))))))))) Ann can be so very hard . I understand
I wish it was over for you too
All of us here will be here for you the next 24 hours
the scared will not win ok?
sending you good thoughts and standing by you
muffy

i feel like im in the middle of a whirlwind - thoughts race around my head and pieces of my event replay whenever I stop Keeping busy - i am so tired - it would be happening now - 5 hours to go and it would be over - only 5 hours and i will be free for another year - thankyou all for your support P7

P7
we are still standing with you in solidarity
you are not alone

darn, time zone difference?
you were still in our thoughts

Cap

- thankyou all for your support - it made a difference knowing i could come here and vent and say whatever was in my head in an effort to try and let it go - its over now for another year and i am just incredibley sad - I went and saw the staff psych yesterday about the locker thing and couldnt sit and talk to him - had to keep pacing - must have looked even more crazy than i am (if that's possible ) - Im exhausted now and sad because I thought somehow after the annniv it would be over - dumb I know! - I realised that even as I was thinking it - but part of me wanted to wake up and it to be over - totally unrealistic and belonging in cloud cookoo land! - well its not over and I guess i just have to deal with it - I just want what we all want - some peace - hey the font changed? how did i do that? anyway thankyou everyone and Cap the time zone thing gets me too! -take care

P7