[Christine1123]

When I was five years old a very close friend of mine died. I won't go into details, I'll just say that ever since then I've been terrified of the people I love most dying...my dad, my husband, and my son. I have nightmares about it. My husband used to have anurisms in his brain, and was told at one time that he had less than 6 months to live...this didn't help my fear much. Since then the anurisms have all but disappeared, and he is not on a timeline anymore, or that which we know of.

I've had premonition about traumatic things happening before that came true (I know that probably sounds crazy), but one dream was especially vivid. I had this dream when I was 13 or 14...it was the type of dream I have where it eventually comes true. In this dream, I was waiting outside the OR at a hospital. I remember exact details of the walls, ceiling, floor, paintings, and benches in the hall. I was waiting nervously for someone to come out to give me news about my husband, but I didn't know why. My heart was pounding fast and hard and I didn't know what I was so nervous about. Finally, two men in white coats came out of the room and looked uncomfortable. The one who came out first just said "I'm sorry." My heart jumped into my mouth and I went into shock for a few seconds. Then I jumped up and started trying to beat the doctor saying "You killed him! You killed him!" The other doctor held me back. It was all I could do to keep breathing, with how hard I was crying. I sank to my knees on the floor of the hall in the hospital and started sobbing, thinking about my 10 year old son and how I could ever tell him. The pain was the worst thing I had ever experienced. I wanted to die. I felt like I had been hit by a truck.

When I woke up crying, I wasn't in my late 20's or early 30's anymore. I was a young teenager again, wondering why I had such a crazy dream and why it bothered me so much. Now, I'm recently married to a man I couldn't ever live without, and have an 8 month old baby boy. I'm terrified that this dream will come true, just like the other vivid dreams that make me wake up crying or screaming. Just like all of the others that came true, I remember it clearly- something I don't do with most of my dreams. Does anybody have this? Am I crazy, or is there a chance it could happen? The last bad premonition I had that came true when I was raped two years ago. When I first dreamed it, I ignored it thinking that it wouldn't happen. Then it happened exactly like that. I will feel horrible if I don't try to prevent this one from occurring. What can I do?

Thank you to everyone who bothered to read all of this. I haven't mentioned this to anyone but my husband, and he's constantly reassuring me to not worry. He always jokes saying that he's going to live forever...lol I wish. I don't know if my concerns are valid, considering his health history or if I'm just being irrational. Does anyone have an opinion on this? I'd greatly appreciate it.

[phoenix7]

Hi Christine1123,

you are not alone, when I was a child i used to have dreams that came true - I walled them off with my childhood -

It was a terrible dream you had, do you think maybe its because you feel you couldnt live without your husband that you had this dream?

I believe in timelines - I think it would be horrible to think our lives were mapped out for us and that we could change nothing - so maybe this is just a warning to keep an eye on your husbands health and a future that can be changed - and it seems a long way off- *** so dont let the future make you lose the present. *** I think it makes it important (as it should be anyway but often isnt) to treasure each moment and make the most of our time here-

having someone die when you were young was bound to affect you - i hope the nightmares stop and that you have a happy holiday

[skeksi]

I think it's very common, after someone we love has died, for us to fear that others we love will die, too. This is especially common when someone dies and we are very young.

My dad died when I was well into adulthood, but still every time I can't get my mom on the phone, I'm terrified that she's died, too. It's a burden.

Talking about the fear, and talking with your husband about how much you are afraid of losing him may help some of this abate. It takes such time, doesn't it? Always feels like too much.

[Capp]

Christine,
I don't think you are being paranoid so much as you don't want to lose your husband and the life you have together.
When you combine the tragedies you've survived and your husband's past health problems, it's understandable why you would feel this way.
My own experience has been when life is going well for me is when I have times of fear it's going to be snatched away. In a way, it does take something away from me; my enjoyment of it.
Sometimes it takes some strong self-encouragement to let go and relax--hard for me to do even now. There are times it's easier to do than at other times, but I still give it a go.

Survivors sometimes have trouble believing that the good in our lives is going to last...

Peace and Power,
Cap

[Christine1123]

Thank all of you for your responses. He's always putting off his doctor appointments til later and it makes me nervous. I get even more nervous when he goes to get MRI's and EEG's done, and especially waiting for the results afterward. I don't like going to his appointments and worrying about the results, but I like putting them off even less. I think I'll try harder to encourage him to attend them from now on. It's not worth something bad happening.

I think you are right. I shouldn't worry as long as he gets regular checkups. It's hard to fight the fear though.

[phoenix7]

(((christine1123)))))


we do what we can when we can and that is enough -take care P7