Is it normal to feel...

is it normal to feel sadness and joy at the same exact time? I am a first time mom, and the entire 9 months of my pregnancy I spent fighting with my fiancé because of catching him cheating. We are trying to make it work to save the family but it has taken quite an emotional toll on me. I have this beautiful baby and feel such joy when I look at my babys smiling face, then at the same time I feel sadness and self hate, and low selfesteem from his cheating. some days I don't even feel like getting out of bed, but I have to anyway to care for my baby, we fight and scream and yell all the time, and I wonder what affect it could have on our child when he grows up, just wish I had the money to move out and leave him but I don't, I am stuck living under the same roof like a caged animal wanting to escape to the freedom of being respected and loved and valued by a REAL man, any comments of advice or support would be greatly appreciated, thankyou for reading.

Hi bluegirl, from your posts it sounds like you have a lot going on in your life. Yes, the yelling and screaming around your baby might have a negative impact on him/her. Its good that you have a beautiful baby as a positive part of your life. I know getting up out of bed when you are depressed is difficult but you are persevering for your baby. Give yourself credit for being such a good mom. I know what its like to be stuck in a house because you don't have the money to get out on your own. You deserve to be happy--keep looking for options. Please take care of yourself for your sake and your baby's sake......D.

Hi bluegirl,
I suffered from a very similar situation (still am on some levels, but at least I got out). For the first year and a half I stayed in a very unhappy situation, but I kept on looking for solutions and reaching out to other women and mothers in the area. I met an elderly lady who offered me a great deal on an apartment and I filed for divorce and left him.

I am not trying to encourage divorce at all, since a tiny baby can take a huge toll on even the strongest of relationships. However, it sounds like there are a lot of other issues involved wihich don't sound healthy. I found once I left and the arguing ceased at home my daughter calmed down a lot and stopped fussing so much and was able to concentrate more. I think children are more aware than we think. So, even if you don't plan on leaving him for good, just physically seperating yourself temperarily by finding another place for you and your beautiful babe can do an enormous job in waking him up to reality (if he is capable). Don't worry, things will improve too. As your child gets older and more independant more and more options will open up for you individually. So even if you feel trapped now, just remember, it isn't forever, things WILL change and improve. Focus on yourself and your baby and enjoy every second, because it all passes so quick! Good Luck!