I'm sick

I'm 12 weeks pp and I don't know if I'm depressed or not.. But something is wrong. To be honest, I'v always felt this way since having kids, but this is my 3rd baby.
I don't feel sad every single day, I have good and horrible days. But I am obsessively jealous. Particularly over my husband but also over pretty much everything to some degree.
The thoughts are intruding, constantly in my head. They make me sad, Angry and sick to my stomach at times.. I see a therapist but I am so embarrassed about my jealousy issue I haven't told her.

My jealous makes me feel like a toxic person I feel like i shouldn't be with my husband because I'm not treating him the way I should be.. Last night I caused an argument over a past relationship he had nearly 8 years ago!! But even thinking about it, makes me sick. I can't control it. It hurts so much that I can cry just thinking about it. But the thoughts are so intrusive, as soon as I'm not distracted they pop into my head.

What do I do I need help, I feel like I'd rather end my life than continue to feel this.

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Hello Jadenmia1: Well... you are seeing a therapist... which is an excellent start! But your T can't really help you if you are not honest with her. I've stopped seeing therapists in part due to the fact there are things I can never talk to anyone about. So what's the point?

My thinking, with regard to your post, is... lay it all out there with your T. You might also consider some psych med's if you're not already on some. It doesn't have to be permanent. But sometimes a person needs something to buoy them while they're trying to work things out in therapy. At some point, you might also consider some couples counseling, if your hubby is willing...

Thank you for your reply!! I agree about the therapist.. I haven't seen her in months because I just wasn't gaining much from the sessions and it's hard to find a sitter to watch my children while I go so I gave up. I have had a recent breakdown so I have booked in to see her in 2 weeks. Hoping to at least get something off my chest.

At this point I'm desperate to try anything that will help me feel normal again. I feel just sick from the constant thoughts and anger it's taking over my life!!! I want to break down and cry and run away and it's only getting worse. But of course nobody knows this.. My husband knows something is wrong because I take everything out on him. Ugh.
Medication scares me a little though, I was put on Paxil and had the worst reaction to it.. I couldn't talk or walk, just throwing up and hallucinating. I was terrified by it!! I'd be scared to ever take anything like that again

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