advertisement
Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Ines123
Newly Joined
Ines123 has no updates.
 
Member Since: Feb 2019
Location: Cork
Posts: 1
3 yr Member
Old Feb 08, 2019 at 06:57 AM
  #1
 
I've always been an extremely independent person. Always could do anything and everything by myself. I've never harmed myself or anybody close to me or even an animal. I've always been happy with my life,I love dogs,videogames,been in quite a few relationships etc etc
Well my life changed when I gave birth. She was 10 days late, I was in labour and pain for 4 days and then in the delivery room for 16 hours. She just didn't want to come out. As soon as she did and I held her on me..i never felt anything..like that is some stranger that is now MY RESPONSIBILITY? Our parents live very far so I had help for the first few months..but now,she is almost 6 months old,my husband works all day and we are alone..she is gorgeous and looks just like me. Smart big baby. And I believe I will ruin her life. I am such a bad mom. I yell at her cause I don't know what she wants, sometimes she cries for no reason at all,sometimes doesn't want to sleep but sleepy af,sometimes doesn't want to eat other times she eats or sleeps too much..there is no pattern..there is no logic in this..
I really feel like some day I'm gonna loose control and hit her instead of the couch when I get angry..Then I'm just gonna kill myself cause I couldn't forgive myself if I do anything bad to her..my temper gets the best of me..
I want my old childless life back so bad!!! I wanna turn time so she disappears..she is beautiful and sweet and all but who is this child,i don't feel like she's mine..i don't want this responsibility..
I din't know what to do anymore.
My husband says it will all pass. My mum says a lot of ppl have it way worse then us and why am i complaining..
Sometimes I really feel i should kill myself to prove a point. I don't want to be some baby's maid and that is literally how I feel.

Last edited by Anonymous59786; Feb 08, 2019 at 11:23 AM.. Reason: added trigger
Ines123 is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
Anonymous44076, bronzeowl, Fuzzybear, Goforward, MtnTime2896, Travelinglady
 
Thanks for this!
Goforward

advertisement
sarahsweets
Threadtastic Postaholic
 
sarahsweets's Avatar
sarahsweets has no updates.
 
Member Since: Dec 2018
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 6,006 (SuperPoster!)
3 yr Member
192 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Old Feb 09, 2019 at 02:03 AM
  #2
 
Please seek help immediately. Post Pardum Depression goes beyond the "baby blues". I was hospitalized when my daughter was 3 months old for suicidal stuff. They have medication that can help. Do not jeapordize your bond with your baby or yell at her. I know you will say that your husband works so you cant get help but you must.

__________________
"I carried a watermelon?"

President of the no F's given society.
sarahsweets is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Thanks for this!
Goforward
Anonymous44076
Guest
Anonymous44076 has no updates. Edit
 
Posts: n/a
Old Mar 01, 2019 at 09:00 PM
  #3
 
[QUOTE=Ines123;6429773]

Hello Ines123. It sounds like you are having an extremely difficult time. Were you able to share your concerns with a doctor at all? Either someone who cared for you during pregnancy and the birth or someone new?

It sounds like you need some support. No shame in that. I think a trusted doctor could be a place to start. Would you feel comfortable with that?

There's a poem by Sylvia Plath which sounds similar to how you are feeling. It's called Morning Song. I don't know if you enjoy poetry but perhaps it would be of comfort to you to know that someone else also felt detached from her baby.

I wish you and your baby peace, understanding, and hope.

Morning Song

Love set you going like a fat gold watch.
The midwife slapped your footsoles, and your bald cry
Took its place among the elements.

Our voices echo, magnifying your arrival. New statue.
In a drafty museum, your nakedness
Shadows our safety. We stand round blankly as walls.

Iím no more your mother
Than the cloud that distills a mirror to reflect its own slow
Effacement at the windís hand.

All night your moth-breath
Flickers among the flat pink roses. I wake to listen:
A far sea moves in my ear.

One cry, and I stumble from bed, cow-heavy and floral
In my Victorian nightgown.
Your mouth opens clean as a catís. The window square

Whitens and swallows its dull stars. And now you try
Your handful of notes;
The clear vowels rise like balloons.

Sylvia Plath

Last edited by bluekoi; Mar 01, 2019 at 10:59 PM.. Reason: Merge two posts into one.
  Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Thanks for this!
sadveiledbride
Fuzzybear
Wisest Elder Ever
 
Fuzzybear's Avatar
Fuzzybear has no updates.
 
Member Since: Nov 2002
Location: Cave.
Posts: 95,168 (SuperPoster!)
20 yr Member
81.1k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Old Mar 26, 2019 at 11:29 PM
  #4
 

__________________
Fuzzybear is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
bronzeowl
Poohbah
 
bronzeowl's Avatar
bronzeowl has no updates.
 
Member Since: Jun 2011
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 1,013
10 yr Member
309 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Old Jun 09, 2019 at 07:50 PM
  #5
 
I know this is a slightly old post, but if you happen to get on I want to say... I've been in your shoes. I know what it's like. I may not know exactly how you feel, but I've been here. 3 years ago when my first was born, I could have written this. It can get better, but only if you get help. With therapy and Zoloft I was some how able to make it to a year postpartum. And then two. And now I have a second baby, and while I have PPD again it is nowhere near as bad as it was after my first.

I hope you are doing okay.

__________________
Love is..
a baby smiling at you for the first time
a dog curling up by your side...
and your soulmate kissing your forehead
when he thinks you're sound asleep




OSFED|MDD/PPD|GAD|gender dysphoria|AvPD
bronzeowl is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
All times are GMT -5. The time now is 11:12 AM.
Powered by vBulletin® — Copyright © 2000 - 2023, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.



 

My Support Forums

My Support Forums is the online community that was originally begun as the Psych Central Forums in 2001. It now runs as an independent community, overseen by a group of dedicated, caring volunteers from around the world.

 

Helplines and Lifelines

The material on this site is for informational purposes only, and is not a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment provided by a qualified health care provider.

Always consult your doctor or mental health professional before trying anything you read here.