expected

The results on the sanity score was expected, thank goodness. I actually thought that I was worse than the score said that I am. A glimmer of hope.
The problem is that I am too scared to get help. I couldn't even talk about my condition to my ex, how the heck am I going to talk to some complete stranger? I've lives my life blunted all my life, the courage to deal with my issues is not going to drop from the sky. I wish that I could chat to a therapist over the internet. I will still go into a panic attack, but at least it would be in a familiar environment.

well youve made a step in the right direction by writing about it over the internet on here. i think thats really brave.
it took me years to pluck up the courage to talk about my stuff, 5 years from onset!!!! and I WISH I could turn back the time and just come out with it to my gp when my problems first started happening because in hindsight I really would have benefited from just being around a counsellor.
Ive just finished a 2 year therapy and one of the things I didnt expect is that I dont have to talk during therapy.. I kind of expected that i would have to pour out all my deep dark secrets and that really scared me. but it actually was more on my own terms, I talked about what I wanted and was under no pressure to say anything if i didnt want to. i spent a few sessions in total silence! but it just really helped to be around someone who understood. Its called core process psychotherapy if youre interested, its a branch of person centred therapy. I found this an easy way in to the whole counselling and therapy sphere.. next on my list is cbt.

If you ever want / need to talk, just message me and Id be happy to hear from you.

Take care
Amy