[konikitty]

I have been diagnosed depersonalization disorder, schizotypal and social anxiety disorder. I was on zoloft at first, hated it, just because it made my eyes hurt and didn't seem to do anything, and I don't like the idea of having to take the medication and have it build up in my system over a month before I know if it will help or hurt. Then was on a trial run of Abilify, it gave me horrible nightly headaches and insomnia, not worth it in my opinion, and it did absolutely nothing. In fact, I had one of the worst auditory hallucinations to date while on it the first week. So that's a no.

I am definitely unhappy to admit this, but I tried dexadrine a couple of times because my boyfriend thought that it would help. And, surprisingly enough, it did. It seemed to calm down all of the constant horrible noise and annoying inner voices I hear, and I had no auditory hallucinations or psychotic delusions that day. (Which is very unusual and I don't think was a placebo effect.) I took it twice, and both times within an hour or 2 it seemed like the voices and paranoia had been smothered and smoothed out. But I know people take dexadrine recreationally.

(Forgot to mention, that dexadrine was the first and only non-prescription-of-mine drug I've ever taken. I feel dirty and guilty for having done that, but it helped, definitively.)

I have an appointment with my pdoc tomorrow. How do I tell him this, without making him think that
a) I just want illicit drugs so I can be a tweaker drug addict
b) that caused my problems
c) i just want drugs to sell
d) i'm faking
I have always thought that I might have ADD. I get angry when I have to concentrate for a while on something like homework, I forget what I'm saying mid-sentence, and the voices and noise and visions don't help that at all, and the dexadrine made it go away... but will he believe me?

I am terrified of being judged. I am very nervous and afraid to admit to him that I took this drug unprescribed. It wasn't to stay up late or get a high; it was to try and make the ****** symptoms go away. (Before I was diagnosed. And they for sure did not cause any of my problems, as I was experiencing everything before and after having taken the dexadrine.)

[sunrise]

If you think you have ADHD, why don't you share your ADHD symptoms with him and see what he says?

Usually if a patient has psychotic symptoms such as hallucinations, the doctor will work first on those as they are considered the highest priority. Be sure to give your meds a long enough trial to see if they will work or not. Often there are some side effects that will be annoying or seem intolerable at first and then they will subside, and then the drug finally starts helping with the symptoms for which it was prescribed. That is a really common pattern! Unfortunately, some of these psych meds take a month or two to work. So hang in there.

[autumnevening]

It's understandable that you wanted to try something to feel better, I think your doctor will see that too. ADD/ADHD type meds are sometimes used to treat other disorders. I myself have tried a few with mixed results for my depression. If you think they might help you in the future, you should bring it up with your doctor. It would be much better to be taking your own prescription, but of course you know that.