[doggiedo]

I have been on antidepressants (varying doses) for 5 years now. I have gone through a lot and really changed in the past 5 years. I have overcome an eating disorder, gone through a divorce, and survived a health scare.

At any rate, I wonder if it's time to "get clean" and go off the medicine to see who I am without the medicine. I almost feel like the medicine has changed who I am - who am I without it.

Does anyone else have these questions? How much change should I expect?

I really dread going to the doc with this request, expecially since I was there several weeks ago and he increased my dosage. I know it's bad, but what if I taper off myself? Maybe over the process of 2 months?

Generally doctors like you to have been stable for 6 months at least before they will even consider reducing a med that's working. Given the fact that it's recently been increased, I doubt now is the right time for you. You don't want to relapse do you?! I absolutely would not recommend withdrawing by yourself, no matter how long you plan to taper it for. Talk to your doctor if you are heart-set on this.

And to answer your other question - I am completely miserable without meds. Hence why I'm thinking about restarting them...

*Willow*

[AniManiac]

Definitely work with your doc to taper off; it will minimize side effects and ease the transition. He can't make you take them, and if you've decided you want to reduce meds, helping you do it responsibly is the best thing he can do for you.

I've been on meds for the last 13 years without pause - and another 7 off-and-on before that. I guess it's safe to say that I don't know what I'm like without meds. Sometimes I wonder about it. I really only think about that when I'm feeling well.

But I also remember how horrible things were for me every time I wasn't on them. Lately as I have learned (and questioned) more about my bipolar diagnosis, I realized that a lot of the really bad times in my life were also the times when I wasn't on any meds at all.

I've come to accept that if I want to keep my life together, I have to stick with the meds. I don't think it changes who I am - I actually feel like myself again, in a way that I haven't felt in a really long time.

I'm a little envious of people who can stop meds once things get to a good place for them. At the same time, I'm really grateful for the way that meds have turned my life around, so I don't feel bitter about it at all.

[doggiedo]

You are right - I don't want to relapse! But, to be honest...how will I know for sure if I don't try. I have never tried in the entire 5 years. Now that I'm past the big hurdles that life throws, maybe it might be a good time to try.

I am afraid my doc is just increasing my med b/c I'm being dramatic with my symptoms. How do you know you aren't just being dramatic with the highs and lows of daily life?? I told him I still have anxiety over silly things-and I have some really bad days. But, isn't that just part of life?

I know that meds are importantant in maintaining mood in bipolar, but with depression, things can change, right?

Hang in there Willow - sounds like you are in a tough spot yourself. Thank you both for responding.

[AniManiac]

Originally Posted by doggiedo

You are right - I don't want to relapse! But, to be honest...how will I know for sure if I don't try. I have never tried in the entire 5 years. Now that I'm past the big hurdles that life throws, maybe it might be a good time to try.

I am afraid my doc is just increasing my med b/c I'm being dramatic with my symptoms. How do you know you aren't just being dramatic with the highs and lows of daily life?? I told him I still have anxiety over silly things-and I have some really bad days. But, isn't that just part of life?

I know that meds are importantant in maintaining mood in bipolar, but with depression, things can change, right?

Hang in there Willow - sounds like you are in a tough spot yourself. Thank you both for responding.

How will you know if you don't try, indeed? Well, that can be a good reason to give it a shot. I've had recent enough experiences with being off/reduced on meds that were really unpleasant, so I know I can't do that right now. But really, do make it a gradual adjustment - you'll have the best likelihood of a good result that way. "Cold turkey" is often a bad idea with psych meds!

Sometimes I think I'm being dramatic, but then I realize that there's no way I'd be dramatic that way if I wasn't feeling so good/bad. It's just not my "normal" behavior. I also use a couple of mood charting tools to help me keep track of how I'm feeling, which helps back up a more general impression of things going well or poorly. Life is definitely full of daily highs and lows, anxiety, bad days - but also good days. So one thing to consider is, are you having the good days too? Is anxiety related to depression for you? It is for me - the more depressed I am, the more anxious I get, and round and round it goes...

Yes, medication is usually a "for life" thing with bipolar. That's just how it is. Depression is different - many people do not actually need antidepressants and would do just as well with therapy alone (not saying you're one of those). So there's a much greater likelihood that you'll do alright off the meds than I would. If you haven't been working with a therapist, it might be worth considering if you move forward with reducing/eliminating meds, just to make sure you have the support you need and perhaps also work on coping skills that might become more important without meds.

Good luck!

[Fresia]

It is difficult to remember sometimes what it was like before the meds as they have helped me now; my memory during those times is sketchy and have been told this is not uncommon. Fortunately/unfortunately for me I have journals to remind me of a time when I was not on meds and full blown BP. In seeing these, I am clearly reminded of that time and I have no interest now in returning to the severe mood swings, racing thoughts, depression, and anxiety of my BP. I enjoy functioning now, albeit not perfect, but am in a much better position than I was then.

Talk to your doc and if you have a T, discuss this with them for what times were like pre-meds. Perhaps this will help you to remember where you've come from to know where you are now. However, it can truly be helpful though to be certain that they are actually helping or not, for your own peace of mind to go off of them, tapering of course under doc's supervision, and to verify if you still can use the assistance of meds or not. It can be helpful to to clear the system if you think you need a different med as well, if you think this one is not working as it should.

Have a plan, talk to your providers, and be safe to take care of you! Best wishes with whatever you choose to do.

[Perna]

Originally Posted by doggiedo

I am afraid my doc is just increasing my med b/c I'm being dramatic with my symptoms. How do you know you aren't just being dramatic with the highs and lows of daily life??

Does it matter "why" your symptoms are there, why you have a headache? If the meds help with the symptoms, allowing you to be dramatic, if that's what you need right now, why would you want to experience the highs and lows more painfully?

You are you. The meds do not change who you are; sure, when you have a headache and are grouchy and take something so the headache goes away you are less grouchy but that's not a change in your personality and selfness, that's just circumstance like being "dramatic with the highs and lows of daily life". How are you not going to be dramatic, if the meds aren't there? What's your plan?

Originally Posted by doggiedo

You are right - I don't want to relapse! But, to be honest...how will I know for sure if I don't try. I have never tried in the entire 5 years. Now that I'm past the big hurdles that life throws, maybe it might be a good time to try.

I am afraid my doc is just increasing my med b/c I'm being dramatic with my symptoms. How do you know you aren't just being dramatic with the highs and lows of daily life?? I told him I still have anxiety over silly things-and I have some really bad days. But, isn't that just part of life?

You won't know whether you can manage without meds unless you try to taper them, but are you sure now is the right time? Are you a 'dramatic person'? Do you over-exaggerate everything? Or are you really telling it like it is and your doc is responding accordingly by increasing the dosage?

I tell myself that I'm being a drama queen and to just suck it up ALL THE TIME! However anyone who knows me would know that that's not the type of person I am; it's the evil depression talking, trying to convince me that I don't deserve help. If I go and tell my pdoc about my sui plans (which I'm planning to do), then I guess that is quite a dramatic thing to say, but it is genuinely where I'm at right now. If I was exaggerating it, then fair enough but I know deep down that I'm not, even if the gremlins try to tell me I'm making a mountain out of a molehill. If you went to your doc and factually told him what's going on, and he increased your dose, then I would still argue that you are not currently stable enough to attempt withdrawal.

Talk to your doc - find out what each of you think stable looks like and then critically look to see if you currently meet that criteria. If you do, then talk about tapering. If not, then you might have to give it more time. Depression is so awful that you don't want to be there if you can help it. Don't shoot yourself in the foot by stopping meds that are helping too soon.

All the best doggiedo

*Willow*

[doggiedo]

Thanks for the response guys. I remember when my depression was so debilitating that I couldn't work. It was horrible. I know how bad it can get.

I think what sparked this question, for me, was a conversation I had with my b/f the other day. He thinks I'm emotional and up and down b/c I'm on the meds. He's a personal traniner and a very healthy person. I know he would never resort to medicine.

I also know that anit-depressants just make it so that you mood is better, by increasing the seratonin in your brain. For some biological reason, sometimes that synapse doesn't work or isn't functioning correctly. Right?

WHat I wonder if me being on the medicine is making me think all these crazy thoughts. Like, I should go off it, etc. Is that normal? I mean, I read somewhere where it is normal for people on meds to want to go off just to be "considered normal" or to say that they aren't on medicine. I don't think that's the case here, but I almost feel like maybe the medicine is effecting my decision to make sound decisions and to be of sound mind. Is that totally wrong? If so, please do tell me. I've tried to do a lot of research online and see how exactly the drugs work. Idk.

My b/f thinks I might have gotten in inacurrate diagnosis or he thinks I should seek a second opinion. How do I not be influenced by his views on medicine?

[sunrise]

Usually antidepressants don't increase a person's anxiety and make them act dramatic, so the meds wouldn't be the first place I'd look to for an explanation of that. Do you tend to have a dramatic and anxious personality? Maybe that is just who you are and it is manageable. I think we can learn to restrain ourselves from being overly dramatic and that this isn't necessarily a reason to be on medication. But there are other reasons for having these symptoms besides one's personality. Discuss with your doc. Tell him you are worried he increased your dose because you were being dramatic about your symptoms. Try not to be dramatic and just be factual about your symptoms.

What your doc will want to see before you quit antidepressants is that you have the coping skills on board to deal with any increased anxiety or feelings of depression that may come up. If you feel down, how will you cope? Have you learned meditation, relaxation, are you exercising regularly, is your diet good, can you recognize negative thoughts, etc. Often when people quit ADs, there will be a period that is hard to get through while your neurotransmitter levels are readjusting to not having drugs around. This may feel like depression but your body needs time to adjust. So be prepared for that. It doesn't necessarily mean that you are still depressed underneath your meds. So you may have to hang in there with a quitting program for a while in order to give it a fair test. In any case, do not quit your meds without consulting with your doc.

[ECHOES]

Originally Posted by doggiedo

I have been on antidepressants (varying doses) for 5 years now. I have gone through a lot and really changed in the past 5 years. I have overcome an eating disorder, gone through a divorce, and survived a health scare.

At any rate, I wonder if it's time to "get clean" and go off the medicine to see who I am without the medicine. I almost feel like the medicine has changed who I am - who am I without it.

Does anyone else have these questions? How much change should I expect?

I really dread going to the doc with this request, expecially since I was there several weeks ago and he increased my dosage. I know it's bad, but what if I taper off myself? Maybe over the process of 2 months?

It is an interesting question and I can understand wanting to see what you are like without meds. I would encourage you to not do it alone though. Get help with the tapering off and if you aren't in therapy now, begin before you taper off and commit to therapy for a while until you are feeling comfortable without meds or you find you'd rather go return to them.
Taking meds is always your choice and yours alone.

[doggiedo]

Thanks. I do work with a counselor as well. I see her next week. I did determin (right before the holiday that it would be okay to talk to my doc about tapering down. I moved in Jan, and wanted to wait until the stress of the move and the holidays were over.

I'm pretty sure the counselor I have knows me better than my doc since I see her more than the doc. Idk. I'm def going to meet with him next week too. I'll keep you updated.

I think I need to do some more research about how the meds effect the brain. I think that's what I'm most curious about. If it is effecting my personality, etc.

Thank you all for your honest and helpful feedback. I really appreciate it.

[splitimage]

I frequently wonder what my brain would be like without drugs. I've been on various psych meds for over a decade now, not to mention pickling my brain with alcohol. I've been in the process of getting sober with varying degrees of success since 2007. When I first stopped drinking I was basically a vegetable for 9 months. It was 12 months before I could even think about looking for work.

I did try tapering off one of my meds last year - I'd been sober for awhile and was in a good place, and we only dropped the med. 0.5mg. Within 2 weeks I was having depressive symptoms. My pdoc put it "Well at least we know the med is working."

I personally feel that once I've been sober for a year, stable and working for a year that I'd like to try a taper and get off meds. I'm not philosophically opposed to them or anything & they have saved my life. But I am curious as to whether I can manage without them, as I don't like some of the side effects.

splitimage

[Fresia]

While it is a catch 22 situation that you will only know that the meds are working now that you are on them by going off of them, you also won't know till you're off how much they have helped, which could put you into a tail spin.

A concern with something that you mentioned about that people around you are commenting on how you are, now, while on meds. Depending on how long they have been in your life, if they did not know you pre-meds, their insight may not be very helpful to gauge this as you make this decision at this point as they have only known you on meds. Use your own body, symptoms, how you feel, and function as a gauge. This is not to say that feedback from others should be discounted, but to keep it in perspective, because sometimes others have their own ideas about treatment (taking meds/not), and ideas of who they think we are or want us to be.

If you decide to decrease the meds, having a plan in place with your T and doc, tapering, then you can start to see signs possibly as you taper off, as Splitimage mentions, so that you may not need to go all the way down to find out if they were helping or not. It could be that this is not the right med for you as you mentioned some of the other concerns listed in your above posts. Talk to your doc, and also to T about other coping strategies to help with other symptoms in the interim.

So wishing you well as you move forward.

[AniManiac]

Originally Posted by doggiedo

I also know that anit-depressants just make it so that you mood is better, by increasing the seratonin in your brain. For some biological reason, sometimes that synapse doesn't work or isn't functioning correctly. Right?

Well, that's the theory. Not all antidepressants work on serotonin, though. And the reality is that our brains are WAY more complicated than that, and the scientists haven't entirely figured it all out.

Here's a very interesting article on the topic: http://www.npr.org/blogs/health/2012...he-whole-story

Originally Posted by doggiedo

My b/f thinks I might have gotten in inacurrate diagnosis or he thinks I should seek a second opinion. How do I not be influenced by his views on medicine?

Have you had a heart-to-heart with him about this issue? Asked him why he thinks the diagnosis isn't accurate? Can you explain how it makes you feel when he says these things? E.g. maybe it's invalidating to you, demonstrates that he doesn't understand or want to understand your issues, etc. It's painfully obvious to anyone who has endured depression that people who have not had that experience have no clue.

Another consideration is whether he has suggestions that you haven't tried but might help - that's part of making the conversation a 2-way street and not dismissing his concerns entirely. For example, exercise is known to have really good benefits for depression. Hard to do when you're feeling down, but consistently effective. Good nutrition and keeping blood sugar as stable as possible also help a lot.

There are probably online resources about how to have that conversation, and there are definitely books that you could hand him to help support developing a better understanding of what's going on.

On the plus side, it probably shows that he cares about you quite a bit.

[Suki22]

how many different meds have you tried? perhaps the one you're on isn't the best match? talk to your pdoc when you can.