[Mama Char-Lee]

As the title states, I have a love/hate relationship with my drugs. My psychiatrist put me on Paxil 20 mg (once a day); Klonopin .5 mg (twice a day); and Vistaril 50 mg (3 times a day).

I *LOVE* that they really are working. They keep the paralyzing PTSD terrors at bay, or at least they reduce the frequency/volume of them. I still occassionally get the "choking" feeling, like I can't breathe because my throat's closing up on me whenever I try to think of the bad things that have happened to me at such a young age, and I still will get the "prickers" on my face/torso (which usually happens right before the paralysis and hyperventalating).

I *LOVE* that, for the first time in almost 2 years, I can actually SLEEP at night. Going from 3-4 hours of sleep a night for that many years and suddenly sleeping all the time is wonderful, like I'm making up for lost time.

However, I *HATE* that I DO sleep so much. I hate that I feel like an emotionless zombie for 75% of the time when I am awake. It was like I was mentally going from 100 mph non-stop for years, and these drugs knocked me down to 20 mph.

Most of all, I *HATE* the fact that:
1) I can't seem to focus on anything, particularly my writing (I love writing my horror/fiction/fantasy stories, it keeps my hands and mind busy while entertaining myself all at the same time). I've lost interest in almost everything and got rid of 4 of my tarantulas, which I traded for 2 king snakes (named Ramsey and Kitten). I figured maybe they could keep my hands and mind busy, give me something to do...it was great for the first day, and now I'm back to being "blargh."

2) I work in the newspaper industry, so Mondays and Tuesdays I usually work like a freight train doing the layout for 4 different newspapers (and occassionally extra side projects)...I can't afford to be sluggish because of the deadlines. If I miss a deadline, it screws up the press crew's day, makes the post office delivery time late, and then my butt gets chewed. And I hate when my butt gets chewed. So while I'm on these particular medications, what takes me 1 hour to do "normally" takes me almost 4 now. I try to keep reading and focusing on the screen, looking over my work and making sure the articles fit. A second later, I totally forget what I just looked at, so I have to stop and look it all over again.

3) And this is my most unfavorite thing...I don't know about any of you guys, and I don't mean to sound like a perv or anything, but apparently my *ahem* lady-parts forgot how to...you know..."work." Don't get me wrong, I can use the bathroom just fine and all that. I just can't seem to "oh-my-gasm" anymore. I know it's got something to do with the meds, and it depresses the hell out of me. I have my night time rituals, and the very last thing I do is spend a little "time to myself" before I go to bed. I think as a means of getting that euphoric "YAAAY!" right before I go to sleep. After 2 hours of trying, it's just abusive, both to my parts and to my wrist. I bawled my eyes out last night, it's been over a week since I've accomplished that euphoric "YAAAY!" and it wasn't even that good.

SO...is there ANYTHING that I can take or do to dumb-down the side effects of these drugs? I mean, guys get viagra and other "uppers" (pardon my pun)...I just feel like an impotent zombie that can't keep a single steady train of thought for longer than 5 minutes. My next appointment with the psychiatrist is next Thursday, and my therapist (whom I've seen once a week for almost a month now) has been terrific. I tried to explain it to him....it was awkward. This whole thing is awkward.
(BTW - it took me over half an hour to write all this down, so please forgive me if I have babbled too much).

[Odee]

SSRI's can be notorious for precisely the side effects you listed (inability to focus, sexual dysfunction, oversleeping). Also, it seems to me that your meds just aren't working right for you considering you feel emotionless for the majority of the time.

Certain other meds like SNRI's, and stimulants like wellbutrin, are typically considered better for energy, focus, and lusty feelings. You should really talk to your psychiatrist about these problems. You could be feeling a lot better with a lost less side effects.

PS. No worries about the 'details.' I really had a good chuckle over them. It makes me feel a lot better knowing I'm not the only female who wants a good "YES!" before going to sleep.