[ThisWayOut]

I know they could be worse, but it's just difficult at the moment. I have not been taking the vistaril because it knocks me out so much. But I don;t want ot go back to a hospital setting, and my mind was going into negative places with anxiety, so I took the vistaril. Now I feel like mush. I hate the brain-mush feeling and not being able to be productive. Everything is slowed to molasses-speed (previously it was at ludicrous-speed <--if you get the reference, you totally rock!). I have therapy later today, and I am worried that my head will be this slow.
It also frustrates my wife, who feels I am too disconnected. I wish she wasn't so all-over-the-place about my coping. I do really poorly without sleep, and when my head is in this crazy space. But then she gets mad if I self-harm, or if I take my meds and they knock me out. I feel like I can't win with her... She's frustrated with me all around. :/ It makes the meds difficult to take. She knows they help, but she dislikes that I am not myself. Maybe I can talk to my T about this today if I remember (and I'm not so knocked-out). It's weird, because my thoughts are slow, but I can type pretty fast, and I think coherently (we will see if I read this and anyone else understands it)

[mazing]

I would suggest talking to your doctor as soon as you can about the side-effects. It really seems that the drugs aren't helping you and may need to be modified. They are meant to help, not make things wrong. If that isn't happening thsn if you can it would be worth talking to your doctor about alternatives/dose changes.

Talking to your T is a great place to start too if you can

[ThisWayOut]

I don't have a Dr. These are the mess from when I was in the hospital. All the local pdocs have a 2 month wait to see them. Tho the disability office wants me to have a follow-up sooner, and I am waiting on that apoointment time. I don't generally do well with meds tho, they tend to make everything worse :/

[mazing]

Sorry to hear that. Did you manage to talk to your T about it? They might be able to help with some strategies to manage the feelings as well as how to discuss this with your wife. It probably won't be a perfect solution but it might help in the mean time until you can get that appointment.

Again, I'm sorry to hear you are struggling. I definitely know how it feels to have the slowed thought from meds. It definitely isn't easy but don't give up. It can take time and a few 'bad' combinations but ike anything else, it is about finding the right combination of medication and therapy support that works for you and your life. I really hope you can get that pdoc appointment soon.

[ThisWayOut]

I just got the paperwork today. The appointment is next week, but they are not allowed to prescribe, only evaluate. Maybe I can get I'm touch with my old pcp and see if she is willing to prescribe at least the sleep meds again if I can talk to her for a bit. We'll see. I definitely don't want to go experimenting with meds again. That was a horrible 4 years.
We have a few crisis plans in the works, its just a matter of getting through the days. I really hope I get something soon. I hate this craziness that is creeping in (insanely strong and sudden impulses). I see my t again in Tuesday. Just have to make it through till then.