[Meveret]

I talked about my issue with meds in a thread in the Bipolar forum. You don't need to read it though, just if you want more info.

Basically: I see the ones my doctor wants me on are replacing my current issues with new ones that are just as worse, such as fast weight gain, insomnia, unable to stop twitching, ruined short termed memory, unable to drive, ect.

I recently (as per instruction by my doctor) was told to go cold turkey off lithium, and anti depressant and an anti anxiety. What shocked me is I'm doing bad but it's pretty much the same when I was ON meds. I've been through alot of meds, combos or separate, trying things for years. But what has actually helped me? Alcoholism, starving myself and preventing myself from sleeping.

I know all these things are bad. I am no longer drinking at all any more so don't worry about that. Let me explain.

• Drinking allowed me to be happy and actually have motivation and a positive mood to do things. I was able to get work done, pass classes, and over all feel much better. If I was falling into along slump of crying all day or unable to get out of bed, I would drink and be able to accomplish alot. I'm not trying to convince myself that drinking is my solution, just stating what happened.
  
• Starving myself made me lose weight and make me feel better about myself. It also gave me a new, controllable pain that was not related to depression that distracted me. No med has came close to this: they make me gain weight and do little to help my depressive phases.
  
• Forcing myself not to sleep does more for my anxiety than any med I have taken. When i am sleepy, I find myself alot happier and less stricken with uncontrollable thoughts or racing self pity and regret that I can barely even distract myself from. I also feel genuine hope and happiness if I've been up for 30+ hours. Meds never came close to this. Even the ones that made me sleepy left me still crying all the time and a wreck, just with the added flair of being exhausted.

Now. All of these things are not healthy habits. I am not saying they are. Nor am I suggesting them to others. I am observing that with all my trails with numerous meds and combos, these have helped me more. Yet when I tell doctors and therapists this, they instantly tell me to stop because they are bad. But they have helped me cope alot, and even saved my life. I notice no one gives me a replacement for these techniques other than taking more meds that have made it worse or done very little while their side effects pile on.

What do you think about self medication in this way? Am I just confused and hurting myself? What can I replace these bad habits with to help? Do you have any coping techs like this?

I'm in a bad way right now since I am down to one friend and no support group. So coping is very important to me. I'd really like to hear how others deal when meds have failed.

(I am still trying new meds but as of now I am not due to the long process of getting on new insurance)

[sewerrats]

I don't blaim you for doing all those things, I did massive self help before meds . I was ill many years before going on the meddy go round , drink being the main self help usually weekend bingeing to numb the pain. This worked up to the point I got pancreitis bad and was in intensive care week,s after this resulting in major operations to repair my booze damaged body. So now i am fat on meds , I ran out of choise,s so you go to the least self harm option there is left. It all take a little time to get to the point I got to, but you will get there with drink

[DePressMe]

I drank and used drugs to self-medicate. Now, I'm an alcoholic but I've been sober for over 1 1/2 years. For a long time drinking helped me be happier, more social, more motivated...etc. Then it turned on me and made me depressed, unmotivated, anxious...etc. It was hard to stop drinking but it was absolutely necessary for my mental health--I was going to kill myself if I kept drinking. Staying up for long periods of time made me delusional--I thought I was feeling better and able to get more things done but then I'd crash and be out of it for a week. After one of my no-sleep periods I felt worse than before it. It eventually snowballed out of control and started making me psychotic. I've also had problems with anorexia. Not eating made me feel better about myself and made me more social. Now, I eat and I'm healthier. I had to get therapy to deal with it because I needed to work on my self-esteem and self-worth. Heck I had to get therapy for everything because my thoughts about things like these were a mess.I journal a lot to get my feelings out and it helps me keep things in perspective. I am also finally on a med combo that works for me....you are not alone in your struggles......D.

[sewerrats]

Originally Posted by DePressMe

I drank and used drugs to self-medicate. Now, I'm an alcoholic but I've been sober for over 1 1/2 years. For a long time drinking helped me be happier, more social, more motivated...etc. Then it turned on me and made me depressed, unmotivated, anxious...etc. It was hard to stop drinking but it was absolutely necessary for my mental health--I was going to kill myself if I kept drinking. Staying up for long periods of time made me delusional--I thought I was feeling better and able to get more things done but then I'd crash and be out of it for a week. After one of my no-sleep periods I felt worse than before it. It eventually snowballed out of control and started making me psychotic. I've also had problems with anorexia. Not eating made me feel better about myself and made me more social. Now, I eat and I'm healthier. I had to get therapy to deal with it because I needed to work on my self-esteem and self-worth. Heck I had to get therapy for everything because my thoughts about things like these were a mess.I journal a lot to get my feelings out and it helps me keep things in perspective. I am also finally on a med combo that works for me....you are not alone in your struggles......D.

MANY STORIES end like yours and mine, anorexia can be bought on with drink because you simply don't eat when drinking to much

I have used coping techniques like this in the past, and yep they did work, but I am yet to find out if I will have long term issues. Im not sure why one set of mind altering drugs seems to be ok but another set isnt. I think what ever you need to use to survive, as long as you are still working towards an answer.

[sewerrats]

Originally Posted by Supanova

I have used coping techniques like this in the past, and yep they did work, but I am yet to find out if I will have long term issues. Im not sure why one set of mind altering drugs seems to be ok but another set isnt. I think what ever you need to use to survive, as long as you are still working towards an answer.

That's the goal, but sometimes its day it day survival without answer,s