[neutrino]

Ok, so I think I've reached the point where I'm seriously considering taking medication. I suffer from social anxiety disorder, GAD, OCD and depression and my mental illnesses make life a living hell for me. I started seeking help about a year ago and got my diagnoses in March this year, though I've had these problems for about a decade (they're much worse nowadays). I've been offered antidepressants since then but I've declined every time due to some fears I have (even though I feel terrible every single day).

Right now I feel like I might have to start taking medication though. Or else I might fail my studies (because seriously, studying with all these mental illnesses sucks to say the least). Last time I spoke to my psychiatrist he convinced me to let him prescribe me some antidepressants. I agreed though I knew I wouldn't dare to try them. He prescribed me Venlafaxine/Effexor and I've got a box of them at home. Now, I've got questions. I know there are a lot of them but if you could maybe answer the ones you're able/want to answer I'd really appreciate it. This is very important to me and I don't take things like medication lightly so yeah, I'd appreciate your opinion.

- Do you reckon I should try medication?
- Why should I try it?
- What if all my fears are legitimate and things get worse while I'm on medication?
- Is it really true that I'll probably feel horrible during the first few weeks? How do you deal with that? I have a huge chemistry exam coming up in 12 days and I need to be able to study for and take that exam.
- Do you reckon my psychologist would stop seeing me/stop caring about me if I took medication and perhaps felt a little better?
- I'm aware medication works differently for everyone but does it normally make things a lot better or "just" bearable?
- Can medication help with the feeling of being completely and utterly overwhelmed by stress, anxiety and life in general?
- Can medication help my cognitive functions (memory, ability to focus etc) get back to normal?
- Will I experience any difference straight away or does it always take weeks for the medication to kick in?
- What if my personality changes and I lose my way of thinking and what makes me the person I am?
- What if I gain loads of weight (my depression has already made me gain weight so I don't want to gain any more)?

There are three things I'm really afraid of when it comes to medication:

1. My personality changing.
2. That my therapist and people working within the field of psychology will stop trying to get to the root of my problems if I start taking medication (I know this might sound weird but I sort of like the attention I get from psychologist because I've never had anyone try to understand the way I think before. I've always felt so lonely because I function differently and think differently than people around me. So having someone who finally listens to me is something I like and wouldn't want to lose. Don't misunderstand me, it's not like I want to have mental illnesses. I just want to go talk to someone. I want someone to see me. Does that make sense?).
3. Side-effects.

I'm afraid.

Any thoughts?

EDIT: Oh and I should probably add that I also find it very difficult to accept the fact that I might have to take medication to be able to function "normally". I think it's quite scary to think about taking pills which change things in my brain, often at the expense of something else (fixing one system by screwing up another). I hope you know what I mean. It's a bit difficult to explain.

[unaluna]

1. Personality - Yeah, I'm still me, fortunately or unfortunately.

2. Side effects - My idiot pdoc didn't want to tell me that one of prozac's side-effects was that it could be disinhibiting - ie giving me a bigger mouth than I already had? - because as he said later, he didn't want it to become a self-fulfilling prophecy, but dang I am still on it and I swear I can tell when I need to back off from 30 mg to 20 mg for a day. But otherwise I havent had any. Your effexor looks a little trickier tho.

3. Continuing therapy. This is more of a therapeutic issue rather than a medical one, and I'm glad it came up. I and I would say many of us here deal with it. You may want to research "rapprochement". It's the stage where a child goes off to explore but wants to return to the safety of mummy. How mummy dealt with this stage may be affecting your feelings now. If once you ventured from the nest, she took that as her cue to split, no wonder you/I froze in terror and became a perfectionist - we really had no room for error. Meds will just ease the terror a bit, so you can talk about things. You might be hanging on so tightly now that you can't even hear.

[onionknight]

I felt roughly the same as you did when I first took an antidepressant. I had experiences with talk therapy, but it never seemed to resolve anything enough so as to prevent it from coming back (or I just kept doing the same **** that put me into situations that triggered me), I was unable to deal with the feelings of depression, anxiety, OCD, but I was terrified of my personality and thinking changing. I was doing badly, and I would have tried anything to feel like myself again. Looking back at what happened and how I felt, I didn't regain my normal thinking or feeling again. It took the edge off the hurt and fear and obsession. My mind was calmer, and I could focus and function much better, so in that sense it get me going. But it did blunt my emotions and in a sense, change my personality.

There's no saying what any particular medication will do for you. If you feel you are at the point where something needs to change, then trying a med might be worth it. It is a good bet that regardless what else it does to you, it will take the edge off what is bothering you.

As for the part about the psychologist...it is totally valid to want someone to take time to talk with and understand you. If any therapist isn't doing this, that is their problem. As long as you're their client, you deserve their attention and support. If they decide you no longer should focus on working through your concerns because you are using a medication, they aren't treating you like the whole human being you are.

[AFDakota77]

Hmmm, there is a rather large margin for positive improvement with meds. Easier to go up from here with meds I am thinking.

The meds are supposed to make you feel less worried, anxious and depressed, not the opposite. More in control of your life.

Yes, there are side effects, but if you were diagnosed with HP would you turn down meds to control it because of possible side effects ? Risk heart attack and stroke, which will harm you or kill you, rather than risk possible side effects ?

Wellbutrin had a good track record and you still feel like yourself, just a less issued and happier you, like a more normal you. And it is way less likely to to effect your sex life. All good things.

[herethennow]

For me, I think you should ask yourself: whats your purpose to try medication? You have to be pretty resolute on it.. because in the end you're the one who is going to take that first step.

Your fears are legitimate.. things can get worse. But that doesn't mean things can't get better as well... right?

The side effects are pretty much individual since our bodies are different. For me, I get pretty bad every time I start a new med so I told myself that should I want to try a new med, it will be during the holidays so that my schoolwork won't be affected. So it's up to you really... if you think you can be strong enough without meds for now to cope for your exams, then.. yup. Vice versa.

I think one thing for me is that medication is not a cure all. This differs from person to person though.

My T is very encouraging about me taking my meds. But research has shown (and I hate this phrase though.. but I'm making a point) that a combination of pharmacotherapy and psychotherapy makes it a better treatment.

And also lastly, personality thingy... I'm not my illness, or what they do to surpress my mood/feelings.. so I'm still me. Though I'm feeling flat at all times -_-

Hope you'll make the decision you'll be happy with!

[sewerrats]

You have a really big list of what if,s , most of the questions you asked are a YES to most , but it depends on how bad you are . I would not take meds for years and I was having break downs in these times, but in the end I took them and it changed my life for the better . But mine was a case of sanity or vanity , you will maybe get worse before better , you may get fat ect ect but then again you may not. ITS YOUR HEALTH AND YOUR CALL.