[jo8339]

so, I have been blessed with crippling anxiety for about 12-13 years now. For a long long time I had no idea what it was and I thought I was nuts. My father never understood mental illness so, in his mind it doesn't exist. Therefore I didn't know what it is either. Not for awhile anyway.

I did however find that alcohol made me feel much much better. Obviously this isn't a good idea and it spiraled out of control over a ten year period. So I gave it up. Here is my problem. No one will give me the medications that actually work for me (ie: xanax klonopin etc) because they act on the same parts of the brain as alcohol and the thought is I will abuse them. I know me however, and I know I won't abuse them. I've had them plenty of times and have not abused them....taking them not as directed just makes me tired and useless all day. A MG in the am usually makes me fine throughout the day. I don't have panic attacks, I can go into stores etc etc without feeling as though I'm going to pass out from fear of such a social setting. So what am I suppose to do ? It seems every Dr I go to knows that I self medicated with alcohol for many many years. So much so that I developed a physical and mental dependence on it....they have me on buspirone which hasn't done anything for me in the three months I've been on it, I know I'm looking for instant gratification, but I also don't need them ALL the time. An as needed pill would be perfect. Any suggestions ?

[Altered Moment]

There is another thread in this section with the exact same question. "No doctors will give me meds for anxiety". Common issue. It seems the whole medical community is anti benzo now. You can read my post in there about how I got klonopin finally after a year of begging.

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You want instant gratification ending up with a heavy monkey on your back? Try Klonopin. About 20 years ago when k-pin and benzos were the IN THING my p-doc prescribed k-pin prn (as needed) for me. It was AMAZING for about 2 years. Then all the awesome benefits drifted away. So I tried to go off the stuff. HA. Was SO sick and anxious and totally effed-up, I could only go back on it again. At a higher dose. So it went, the years have passed and I've tried twice to come off the k-pin. Miserably failed both times. The last time I tried the withdrawal was so bad I literally could not move my legs the right way to get from my bed to the drive-way where my car was parked. I lasted 4 months, then grabbed the bottle and swallowed a pill. *Whew* relief from withdrawal agony. And I'm on only 2mgs/day k-pin.

If the Buspar isn't working for you, talk to your p-doc and try other meds that aren't benzos. Benzos are a VERY short-term answer for anxiety. Oh - btw, benzos end up making your anxiety worse. How lovely

Also - by "an MG in the morning" I'm assuming you mean 1mg? See, the problem is that 1mg in the morning works great - for a few months. But tolerance happens, then the 1mg doesn't help anymore. So you either have to raise the dose or stop taking the stuff. If you raise the dose, that's when all the trouble starts. I'm not tying to be horribly negative, I'm just sharing my experience with benzos.

[sewerrats]

The reason lots get away with BENZOS for years , is the feel good factor, even if there potency is nil , you still feel good you have your little friend billy benzo , people can take one and feel good just because the have taken it and lifted a weight of the mind its tricked you but you don't care. But if a doc takes it away you fall to pieces its the worst feeling in the mental health spectrum . I have an appointment with my GP to change my AD Lexapro its not working plus my **** is like a baboon, s . But any AD wont get rid of major anxiety but docs seem to think it can . I have been reading Benzo forum,s THE GOOD NOT THE BAD. seems many people take up to 10 mg Ativan a day 8mg klonipin a day and have done for 10 years or more and feel normal and live normal , ocourse there is the other side but that's what you read every day , I wanted to look at the high takers view. So I take 4 mg of Ativan , I would like to move up to 6mg a day and keep an AD at a minimum dose . IF in 5 years I was up to 10mg I would not mind if I gave me a life. And don't forget no sex side effects no weight gain , no constipation. Why don't the docs see the bigger picture and let us decide our fate. They don't give a dam when they stop them, but if its all you have got to give you a reasonable life so be it, I would sooner have a good 10 years than 30 bad ones any day

[Altered Moment]

http://forums.psychcentral.com/psych...e-anxiety.html

[sewerrats]

Originally Posted by zinco14532323

http://forums.psychcentral.com/psych...e-anxiety.html

You must have had a addiction problem at some time. If that's that's the case you would not stop a Benzo rampage it grabs you straight away. There are millions of Xanax sold on the internet to addicted people , or plain old joe after a buzz .

[Altered Moment]

Originally Posted by sewerrats

You must have had a addiction problem at some time. If that's that's the case you would not stop a Benzo rampage it grabs you straight away. There are millions of Xanax sold on the internet to addicted people , or plain old joe after a buzz .

Yes I had major addiction problems ending 18 years ago. Did I mention that in the other thread?

I am not worried about it. I take them exactly as prescribed. I know that if I don't they won't give me anymore. I have never bought drugs off the internet. Not saying I couldn't.

Didn't you say you had a drinking problem at one time? Yet you take benzo's. Same difference. You won't call yourself an alcoholic but from what you said you ruined your liver over it.

[sewerrats]

Originally Posted by zinco14532323

Yes I had major addiction problems ending 18 years ago. Did I mention that in the other thread?

I am not worried about it. I take them exactly as prescribed. I know that if I don't they won't give me anymore. I have never bought drugs off the internet. Not saying I couldn't.

Didn't you say you had a drinking problem at one time? Yet you take benzo's. Same difference. You won't call yourself an alcoholic but from what you said you ruined your liver over it.

I DIDNT ruin my liver and I am not having a go at you, I drank to self medicate I only drank major just before a breakdown. I had PANCREATITIS that was blaimed on drink , but turned out gall stones were a problem I had my gall bladder removed and bile trak repaired . KINDNEYS not to great with medication and drink. I still drink now but not bathe in it . I never was an alcoholic and never been told I was. Everyone is told to stop drinking when on meds by the doc. My bad drinking was spirits , like a ltr of vodka in 1 swallow to knock myself out when really ill if I had 10mg of lorazapam I would have took that not the booze , but like everyone else I get a set amount of loz you cannot waste them , you can buy booze any day of the week. believe me I wouldnt be getting loz off any doc if I had ever been a alcoholic , and only drank spirits when really ill for a couple of hours out of my madness. I drink beer I don't like spirits, but you get out the planet quicker on spirits hence the use when on the edge .LORAZAPAM Yes I admit I am hooked but they do take longer to kill you than booze . In England mental hospital if you drink on meds you are discharged for good, harsh I no but that's it, they had to take the hand wash of the ends on beds because alcoholics were drinking it through crippling withdrawal , one was bought on my general war for the night when I had my op , he spent the night under his bed vomiting like a fountain. Isnt life a funny old game .

[Altered Moment]

Well I am sorry I didn't mean to insinuate you were an alcoholic. I guess I misunderstood your guts story.

That whole thing about not drinking alcohol on meds is a bunch of overblown hype. Trying to avoid lawsuits or whatever. I drank huge amounts of alcohol on all kinds of drugs illegal and prescription that were not my prescriptions.

I am not saying people should do it. And I definitely don't think people should self medicate with drugs and alcohol. I understand why they do though. I did it for 17 years.

If people are to the point of drinking mouth wash and hand wash they are in the very late stages of alcoholism. Probably already do have a shot liver.

I know the risks for me with the benzos but like you I would rather take the risks then live with the anxiety. Depression I can handle, anxiety no way. Back in the days there were sometimes I took a lot of valium. Maybe for like two months. When I ran out I just quit taking them and never had bad withdrawal. There was no internet to get them from then.

It is true that once an addict always an addict. There is a big difference between an actively using addict and an addict who has been in recovery and not using for a long time. Those of us with dual diagnosis have to take some risks sometimes. Some people give their meds to someone else to dole them out as prescribed.

[sewerrats]

True , we don't have wellbutrin in England but they script it zyban for anti smoking , I have seen plenty of that past about in bars . For 35 years on lorazapam I am not on a massive dose 4mg , your klonipin at .5 mg twice a day is the same amount has 2mg of lorazapam a day , so you will be well hooked on that, you may think not till trying to get off. I found some old Valium in my stash the other day I took 2 -5mg pills , Valium is a bad benzo just a groggy feeling is all you get . I have 3 spare boxes of lorazapam from when in general hospital that's 84 mg for emergency , I was scripted twice and of course I never gave them back

[Altered Moment]

When I say I took valium I am talking 30 mg to 50 mg a day for two months. And it has a way longer half life than any of the others. I would stop cold turkey with no problems. Maybe the klonopin will be different I don't know. Another guy just posted in another thread that he took klonopin for sleep for a long time 2 mg at night and never had any trouble at all quiting it. Not everyone has a horror story with benzo's. Just like i have never had a horror story with AD withdrawal and i have been on and off a bunch of them.

[sewerrats]

Im saying the difference from valium ,to hardcore Benzo,s like xanax and klonopin are very different , when I was taken to GP with bad Ativan withdrawal 10-12mg stopped dead by nutcase in hospital , MY gp had to ring the mental hospital to see what he could give me., this is while , my son and daughter and wife held me to stop frightening the patients in the waiting room. The news from the mental hospital was give him the same Ativan dose but in valium , The GP said I carnt give him 120mg valium I will kill him. In the end they settled for - 40mg doses every 8 hours . I went home and they did absolute zip all never even touched me. The GP disregarded the shrink before I died of seisures and gave me back 4mg of Ativan , within 1 hour the shaking had stopped , I still felt like death but at least I could lie in bed without my family standing guard . then the real pain started detox 12mg with just 4 mg to cover it . I had not been on 12 mg for years no just 2 months while I had no AD or anything has my locum shrink had done a runner from the mental hospital and I had a 10 week wait for them to catch up appointments. I made the decision to use all my saved Ativan from years I had on a take has needed basis . Hoping they would last till I got to see a shrink. They did right at the last few Ativan left the new shrink took me off them, Not believing me on my story only seeing that I had been scripted 28mg a month and that all I had been taking. EVERYONE believed that and not me , till I started to die with convultions ,I tried to sue the hospital later , but when your nuts who believes you.