[ForeverLonelyGirl]

It's hard to believe that I am in my 19th month of recovery. Still many symptoms are present and actually some new ones! I can see my hands shaking and feel tremors in my chest at times, especially when I don't feel well. It does seem like I am beating a dead horse here but I never had the shakes or tremors before this, even with severe anxiety.

Also, I obsess and worry constantly about everything under the sun. My situation has changed a whole lot of course over the years but I am so much more anxious than ever and have all the symptoms of general anxiety disorder. Plus social anxiety and driving phobias.

Also have iatrogenic injury from the klonopin, it changes your brain chemistry, and probably from all the other psych drugs I have taken. That is injury as a result of a treatment or prescribed therapy from a physician. It is so real and damaging to many and the sad thing is that lots of md's don't/won't acknowledge that it exists from psych drug use. So we are left to recover on our own without much support or assistance.

All this is really keeping me down and super depressed the last few weeks, I can hardly get motivated to do much more than feed myself and be a couch potato. This has been my life for this whole 19 months, I am truly housebound. There is so much that I have been missing out on during this time and sometimes it gets old I guess to my family and they give me grief for not doing more with my grandchildren. I ache to be able to get out without limitations and freaking out. So it is a double whammy when on top of it all I get blasted for not doing more. I am surprised they have been supportive at all.

In the first few months I was really shamed for not being able to go spend time with my mom in the hospital. I was paralyzed by fear at that time, only a month off. Going into the big hospital was like being in one of those house of mirrors at a circus, totally surreal and horrifying. Wow, no one can understand that if they have not been through this. I remember saying months ago that all this would pass and I would be all brand new. I thought for sure by now. I have been told 12 months, then 18 months and now I'm being told 2 years! Also some say years upon years. I don't know what to believe. I know my personal doctor is one of the non believers and she just poo poo's most of my symptoms and tries to make my anxiety based symptoms into real diseases. She recently rushed me to a cardiologist for some symptoms I had that I even suggested to her that they may be anxiety related, and sure enough it all cleared up when I had a chance to really relax. The cardiologist confirmed it, citing "grandchildren-itis". The symptoms WERE scary enough to make me unsure at first. Glad I have enough medical knowledge to not have her rushing me to all kinds of doctors.

Sorry for all the boring details here but I have absolutely no one that I can talk to or share this with. Trust me the fam does not care to hear it anymore. I get the deer in headlights look if I mention it. I am sick and tired of talking about it myself but it is still causing me so many problems. Never ending nightmare I guess is the best way to describe it.

So today I was attempting to find help via a therapist and found out that my insurance hardly covers any therapists in town and the copays would be so high that I could only afford to go about once a month. Would that even be worth the trouble? Also it seems nuts to pay someone a fortune to just listen to my problems. I don't even know if a therapist could really help me at all with this. Any thoughts on that?

If anyone has read all this through, you have earned the right to send me this in response=
LoL...

[LastQuestion]

I have found a healthy diet of whole foods (no processed foods, less than 40 grams of sugar per day), daily exercise, dedicating the time for a consistent eight hour sleep cycle, Sensoril, and L-Theanine to be very helpful during my withdrawal.

The exercise helps release nootropic factors in the brain which play primary roles in repairing brain trauma. The Sensoril and Suntheanine attenuate the stress response in the CNS, thereby aiding in recovery. Chronic stress - and benzodiazepine withdrawal symptoms are most certainly chronicly stressful - will lead to a variety of cognitive deficits due to trauma and atrophy which will often manifest as depression and unstable mood.

Therapy can help. Engaging in activities which exercise the brain is just as important. Learn new things, go to new places, see new faces. You may consider seeing a neuropsychologist who performs neurofeedback, though I have no direct experience regarding its effectiveness.

[Jolisse]

Why did you start Klonopin in the first place?

[ForeverLonelyGirl]

Originally Posted by LastQuestion

I have found a healthy diet of whole foods (no processed foods, less than 40 grams of sugar per day), daily exercise, dedicating the time for a consistent eight hour sleep cycle, Sensoril, and L-Theanine to be very helpful during my withdrawal.

The exercise helps release nootropic factors in the brain which play primary roles in repairing brain trauma. The Sensoril and Suntheanine attenuate the stress response in the CNS, thereby aiding in recovery. Chronic stress - and benzodiazepine withdrawal symptoms are most certainly chronicly stressful - will lead to a variety of cognitive deficits due to trauma and atrophy which will often manifest as depression and unstable mood.

Therapy can help. Engaging in activities which exercise the brain is just as important. Learn new things, go to new places, see new faces. You may consider seeing a neuropsychologist who performs neurofeedback, though I have no direct experience regarding its effectiveness.

Thanks, good info. I could sleep 8 hours in my dreams! How did you find out about the sensoril and about taking L-Theanine? I have asked at least 10 doctors for help with this and all said there was nothing except for my current soon to be former doctor gave me a SSRI which would be like adding fuel to the fire. I did not take it of course.

I fantasize about being ABLE to go somewhere to get good exercise without passing out from a heart attack. Guess that is an irrational fear I have, also the fear of being in a closed in space exercising. Fear is dominating my life pretty much. I'm afraid of walking out alone in my neighborhood. I would love, love, love to go new places, meet people, try new things. The fears plus an overwhelming sense that I look absolutely hideous to others keeps me IN THE HOUSE. Not yelling just emphasizing. Seems like it all has become a vicious cycle that I do need help getting out of. I am starting the process of finding a therapist, although I can ill afford it. The copay is too high for me to be able to go more than once a month. You never know however, if you really get out and seek help, there may be other alternatives. I finally came to that conclusion and am trying to find someone.

The neuropsychologist sounds like a really good idea!

Thanks so much for your helpful suggestions.

FLG

[lilypup]

This is JMO, obviously, but this sounds like more than just benzo withdrawal. I'm not at all trying to minimize it. I just wonder if something else might be going on. Have you tried a new pdoc? Sending sympathy and hugs your way

[LastQuestion]

When I asked my pdoc if there was anything I could do to aid recovery from withdrawal and perhaps mitigate symptoms he basically told me I just had to "suffer through it." I didn't much care for that answer so I began intensively educating myself via resources on the Internet beginning with what benzo withdrawal is understood to be and potential solutions to aid recovery.

I've spent most of my time on pubmed reading research articles in order to figure out how I may or may not benefit from certain supplements. There are also online support groups, such as benzobuddies.com, which have useful information, however, much of it is conflicted by the desperation of individuals and their actions seeking to find something to address their withdrawal symptoms.

As opposed to doing research there seems a trend to just add a substance to their "stack" of supplements and rely on subjective self-analysis. To me, many of these individuals seem to have almost made this process into a hobby as they are often reactionary as opposed to being methodically observant. I do not believe such a process is one which leads to effective treatment. I believe many in such groups make things harder in the long run by seeking aid from supplements not as a means to augment their recovery efforts but instead seem to drive forward with a mentality which seeks to find hope in a bottle. Be very skeptical of information in such places.

I believe that these supplements may take the edge off of your extreme responses, but it is still a response which is part of you. Supplements like this work best when one actively seeks to change how they respond, to alter their behaviors, to improve their overall well-being.

I don't sleep very well either, but it's better when I adhere to my bedtime routine. I've also integrated Darkness Therapy and it seems to be helping.

I suppose I should mention dosages. I started out taking 250mg of Sensoril with breakfast and dinner, which noticably helped get things under control. I recently added another dose for lunch, which provided additional benefit. The L-Theanine has an average half-life of three hours. I take 100mg morning, 200mg lunch, 200mg three hours later (thirty min before my daily workout) and 100mg two hours before I go to sleep.

The benefits provided by them is subtle, so keep that in mind when you make adjustments to find out the dosages that work best for you. Work in timescales of weeks so as to avoid, as much as possible, any placebo effects. Also, the Sensoril isn't, according to my experience and resarch, an immediate relief solution. It's benefits build slowly over time, evidence of its efficacy noticable in how less responsive one is to stress as opposed to being unresponsive. In other words, it can change how much stress it takes before one freaks out, whereas Benzos can leave one almost entirely uncaring.

[ForeverLonelyGirl]

Originally Posted by lilypup

This is JMO, obviously, but this sounds like more than just benzo withdrawal. I'm not at all trying to minimize it. I just wonder if something else might be going on. Have you tried a new pdoc? Sending sympathy and hugs your way

Thanks lilypup,

It may seem like more than benzo withdrawal because it is so terrifying and relentless, but I assure you that it is the withdrawal healing process. People have feelings of terror and extreme anxiety like you would not believe. I was once on a support site that was strictly for benzo withdrawal, the horror stories on there make mine look like a picnic.

I guess the reason I post a lot about it, I just plain old do not have anyone to talk to about it and it gets super frustrating. I do not have a psych doctor right now, truly cannot afford that or therapy. However I am going to make more of a concerted effort to find a therapist that I can afford somehow.