[drunksunflower]

sorry to post and be a pain
i know i have prolly posted something similar before heh
i am still having problems deciding whether to take any drugs or not ... i have gone on and off them a bit in the past and i know that's not a fantastic way to do things but um.
i have been dithering about this for a couple of months now and i dont really know what to do. logically i know it's a good idea but im still managing to mostly cope with work and stuff so i don't think it's totally necessary. when i cant make myself go to work i can sort of say im working at home sometimes and stuff. i

i have avoided doing any illicit stuff but its so tempting to go out and have a party weekend and get completely wasted just to stop feeling crappy for a while.

it seems work's keeping me sane but im so scared of messing up

btw drug in question is celexa and it does work well it has in the past.

sorry i dont think i am making a lot of sense.

ty.

[drunksunflower]

i should also say that i dont wanna take something for 12 months or more or whatever is recommended.
how does one get around that?
is there any way?

Hey there, DSF. Sorry to see you are still struggling with this issue.

Here's some info from a very informative thread that you might find helpful this time?

To med or not to med...that is the question.

[drunksunflower]

thank you Petunia ...

I don't know. I don't want to risk putting on weight (I like my body now, I don't want to end up not liking it). I don't want to have to remember to take it. I don't want to have to take time to go to dr, I barely manage time to get contraception as it is. I don't want to go loopy when I drink wine (even though I recall someone saying they are not supposed to interact, I have done embarrassing things I don't remember when taking meds and having a few wines).

so a lot of motivation to NOT do it. but i dont really feel like this is healthy either.

maybe i should jsut give up

You need to be able to "see" your choices.

When me and hubby need to make a decision about something and are torn...we do what we call the M&M theory.

We dump out some M&M's on the table and make piles.

This is a positive--slide an M&M into one pile.

This is a con--slide on over to the other pile.

The biggest pile wins and then we eat the M&M's.

But where you are watching your weight maybe grapes or sunflower seeds.

I say wait until you get so desperate that you look forward to taking meds to get some relief. It doesn't sound like you are at that point yet.--Suzy--I was (am) so I take meds every day & figure I'll be on them always. BTW, I do drink wine in moderation to no ill effect.

[drunksunflower]

I like grapes ... that is a kinda cool way to decide.

Suzy: maybe waiting till that point is best. i don't know. i do know i can't afford to take time off work (i went through a spell of taking too many sick days and had to make excuses to my boss) and i dont wanna mess up my job - i have an awesome position with an awesome company and im scared that i will ruin it all. i dont know.

I flipped out totally last time I had Celexa + wine after an increase and it wasn't even much - only to 30mg. Can I ask what you take? Maybe it was just me / something else and I just thought it was those factors.

I have bipolar 1 so I take lots of stuff--Abilify, Lamictal, Concerta, Provigil, Trazodone, klonopin--sometimes adding Wellbutrin if I go into a deep depression.--Suzy

[psisci]

Is someone afraid their job will find out???

[drunksunflower]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
psisci said:
Is someone afraid their job will find out???

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

how could someone not be?

it would be a freakn terrible look in the corporate workplace. no offense to anyone intended, honestly, but you have to be professional all the time and crying at ur desk does not exactly embody that.

'working from home' worked this morning til i managed to get up an yesterday i made excuse of huge long wednesday of conference so i was taking a couple of hours off.

i dunno waht to do next week

psisci is there any way to just take something for a little while not ages and ages? and have the effects remain? i think i have already told you the counselling / therapy direction is not my thing.

i dunno, self help books?

[LMo]

Yeah, but medication can keep you from crying at your desk...

DSF, we've been through my position on this, but I'll reiterate because I think it's important. I personally am not worried if my clients know whether I'm taking medication or not (and I'm not, but I used to). I am proud to set a positive example of mental health treatment.

No point in succumbing to the stigma. It will remain a stigma until more people speak out and set good examples.

[drunksunflower]

i dont think i could do what you do lmo, it would definitely have an effect on my promotions and overseas work opportunities. that's just how it is.

[psisci]

Come to Colorado, and I will treat you, aside from that you are left to whatever people want to do. You need an AD, and you need to be on it for awhile, maybe longer than a year...I can't say. My advice is get a doc you can trust, your job cannot get your medical records unless you sue them or you let them, and get the treatment you need now. It will just get worse if you do not.

Party if you wish, but remember in the wise words of mike ness "whereever I have gone, I can surely find myself there...you can run all your life and not go anywhere".

[drunksunflower]

yea but if you're still coping then isn't it kinda a cop out.

[LMo]

I would think that your job success is going to depend a lot more on your stability, performance and confidence than on stigmatic stereotyping. If you are finding yourself struggling not to crumble at work, then you're taking a risk by NOT getting treatment, IMO.

I am extremely successful in my career, and am not ashamed of my decisions, so I'm not just talking theory. It does sound like you are conscious in your priorities, which is good, but I'm missing your logic about how skipping on the treatment is going to increase your success.

[psisci]

Homeless people are coping drunkflower, but you don't want to be them now do you??Here is my assessment of you: you like to be in control, and you think you know enough to take control of this. You know/knew someone you did/do not respect who is on meds and dependant, and you vowed to not be like them. You are a professional, and thus feel you should not have the problems the rest of humanity has, and lastly I bet one of your parents expects alot of you and maybe in an unrealistic way............

[drunksunflower]

actually psisci not quite:

a) yes i like to be in control and i don't see why i can't control this

b) nope i have friends who take meds and i fully respect and love them.

c) i don't feel i should not have those problems 'because' i'm a professional, but i dont really see why i SHOULD. what's my excuse for having anything wrong? absolutely freaking nothing.

d) nope, expectations to do my best at whatever i choose to do and unfailing support ALL my life.

LMo - I see your logic but i dunno. i find it hard to apply to me.

[drunksunflower]

and i thought you were down with the no therapy / counselling mumbjumbo touchyfeely thing there psisci :> perhaps not?

i know it has it's place for sure but like i said - not for my situation (so please don't be offended anyone, that was said only in relation to my own situ).

My daughter has had bouts of depression. She had to take a medical leave from college for a semester due to it. The college was great--just put medical leave not that it was due to psychiatric needs on her transcript. She is really afraid of stigma since she is a very high achiever.

She's now a lawyer & has had a need to go on AD's again, but is so paranoid that someone will find out that she won't see a doc about it. I worry about her, but she's 30 so she has to make her own decisions.

I had the crying at work thing & I had to make an excuse as to why I was feeling sad--lied & said my brother was in a motorcycle accident. Then I got into a mixed state & told off one of my co-workers. That didn't go over well.

I concluded that I needed medication to stabilize my moods so I could function at work & have a good quality of life.--Suzy

[drunksunflower]

your daughter is a year older than me so i understand how she feels, also being a professional (although i'm in marketing / work for a global corporate).

i've always forced myself through it in terms of study but it's really hard.

[LMo]

I'm a consultant to the Fortune 100, so am also corporate, also work internationally. While I'm not anyone's employee, most of my clients are very long-term (couple of years) and so we get to know each other well. If meds are what it takes to hold someone together so that they can maintain professional behavior in front of colleagues, the it would be self-sabotage to just try to wing it and end up faux-pasing your way around the office because your emotions get the better of you.

I'm not trying to talk you into it if that's just not what you're into, but you DID ask: "drugs or no drugs?". I'm for the drugs, even though I don't feel any need to take them myself at this time. Just giving you some perspectives as someone just a little older than you (I'm 37) and have been around that block a few times. I'll stop now, though - PM me if you want to explore this more, ok?

Thinking of you ((( dsf ))),
LMo

[drunksunflower]

Thank you LMo, I DO appreciate it and I am not 'waiting to be talked into it' anyway - but perspectives such as yours and suzy's and psisci's are really valuable to hear.

Your job sounds extremely challenging. I don't know, it's not just around the office, it's stuff like actually thinking i find sometimes its like having massive writer's block. maybe i am blaming this too much and im just turning less intelligent heh.

[LMo]

heh - yeah, the older I get, the more I realize how much I don't know. Weird, huh? I think that's typical, though. There are a ton of proverbs about that very concept.

[drunksunflower]

Yea that too LMo

I feel sort of dumbed down and i sort of wonder if that's another effect of whatever this is.

i don't know maybe i'm just making excuses for not being that intelligent after all.

[ouch]

I really struggled with that question. But in the end, I was so lost and could barely get myself to work - I was staying in bed all weekend and almost every night, and was not seeing ANYONE. I kept feeling worse and worse, so really I felt I had no choice.

I am on meds right now (celexa for dep and seroquel for sleep), and am not going to mess with them. I NEED to feel alive - I too am a professional, and can't be falling apart. I really resisted, but now that I am starting to feel slightly stable again (on sick leave, but hoping to go back to work in a week).

I can tell you that meds are what are keeping me from doing something drastic, and also allow me to LIVE and not always feel like a zombie - in a state that feels more dead than alive.

I don't want to waste my life - it's too short - I'm realizing that now that things are starting to look a little better.

My 2 cents worth.