[PsychSearcher0]

Hello,
I'm taking 20 mg Escitalopram for depression.
Last year I went off them and went through absolutely nightmare of a withdrawal, hypomanic/psychotic episode that lasted 4 months.

I am back to taking them as my depression creeped back on me, although I really don't know if I should - there is a possibility of me being bipolar, because it causes mania-like symptoms sometimes, but not actual mania yet, only after getting off it).

Thing is when i don't take it even if my depression is manageable, I get bad mood swings and increased anxiety. Actually my mother forced me to get back on it because she was worried I might hurt myself - yes I do get suicidal thoughts, so after a lot of fighting I agreed.
No suicidal thoughts on Escitalopram.

But when on it ALL I WANT IS TO GET OFF IT.
I do not feel natural, I am not myself, hard to explain.
I lose all desire for sexual activities and have problems maintaing erection.
I feel as if I am just dodging my problems, my productivity level is decreased as things do not bother me as much.
I feel bad because I am effectively addicted to the pill and I still remember my horrible withdrawal (worst thing that has ever happened to me!).

Should I get off it...? I was on 10 mg for 3 weeks, upped to usual 20 mg a few days ago.
I am really lost here.

When I don't take it my mood is unstable, I feel anxious and at times I get slight sucidial thoughts, I am restless and don't enjoy things as much.
But when I do my sexuality is eradicated and I feel I am dodging my problems way too much instead of working on them, not to mention possibility of another withdrawal.

Please advise. My GP is useless, he told me to stay on it, despite my concerns, despite my withdrawal which could have easily ruined my life (hypomanic with psychosis). What should I do?

[PsychSearcher0]

I'm strongly leaning towards quitting it. I have some Bromazepam if I get badly anxious after quitting (I know it's addictive, my mother went through it, trust me I am careful with this stuff). Nothing for depression really.

I guess you have to think of the pros and cons of staying on and getting off it. Do the current side effects outweigh the improved mood you have with it? Can you handle the hypomania/psychosis if you stop it?

This isn't something you should be doing without support from a doctor. Can your GP refer you to a psychiatrist? They will have a much better idea of how to treat you being specialists...

If it was me I would probably try something instead of escitalopram...rather than just stopping altogether

[PsychSearcher0]

Originally Posted by HalloweenSkye

I guess you have to think of the pros and cons of staying on and getting off it. Do the current side effects outweigh the improved mood you have with it? Can you handle the hypomania/psychosis if you stop it?

This isn't something you should be doing without support from a doctor. Can your GP refer you to a psychiatrist? They will have a much better idea of how to treat you being specialists...

If it was me I would probably try something instead of escitalopram...rather than just stopping altogether

Maybe I will ask him for something else. Could a MAOI work better for me perhaps?
Withdrawal would be a nightmare if I felt it the only thing I could do is get back on it no way I could handle that again with no support.
But maybe it wouldn't be so harsh this time, last time it was a 6+ months withdrawal not it would only be after a month.