Developing Over-reliance on Ativan

Not necessarily looking for advice though personal stories are most welcome. I mainly feel the need to be honest with this myself and one step more than just honest in my own head. So I figured I’d spill it out into the mental healthaverse

I started taking Ativan about a year ago, related to stress from my husbands COVID hospitalization and also used it for my own Post COVID insomnia .

I don’t abuse my medication. I don’t get any euphoria from it, nor do I get any physical withdrawal thank goodness. I can do a week without it no problem (but again keeping with the honesty) I don’t go two weeks without it. And I’ve developed some tolerance, usually taking two where before one would suffice

My main issue is that I’m finding more and more reasons to use it. Sleep trouble- Ativan . Work stress - Ativan . Life just generally piling on-Ativan . It’s too easy to reach for . And the relief when I request a refill from my doctor and it’s filled that day, even if I don’t necessarily take a dose that day .

I fully recognize that this is a slippery slope and I could really get in over my head if I don’t address this soon. How do you mentally decide that “hey this is the day” that you are going to reduce your reliance on it?

I’ve contemplated talking to my doctor about it but I’m not there yet. I feel that I CAN more carefully use it so I admit I’m hesitant to tell her and have her stop prescribing. Or judging me. I place her too high on a pedestal frankly so not quite into the idea of discussing it with her so far. But I’m open to it if I slide down that slippery slope

The thing to be careful with regarding Ativan or any benzodiazepine is the withdrawal. If you take it consistently for long enough, it can have withdrawal effects if you suddenly discontinue it. So just make sure, whatever your decision is, whether or not to take it, that if you discontinue it - do it gradually. There's a whole website devoted to this about how to get off of benzos if you are interested. I currently take benzos as prescribed as well and I don't have any interest in getting off of them for the moment because they are working and I don't experience signifcant side effects from them.