[Phoenix1985]

How do you talk about emotional/psychological abuse when you feel you are
never ready to talk about it? All I have to do is think about it and I get
depressed. I would much rather keep it all in the past, but my psychologist
wants to start working on my Lifetraps and they all stem from this abuse. I am
trying to get away from the depression and, well I guess I am scared that I
won't be able to handle doing this stuff with her, despite how nice she is

[mixedup_emotions]

My T told me the other day that your mind feels that you can handle less than you really can.....in another way, your mind also helps protect you from what you cannot handle.

I think that's a tricky situation, because how do you really know what you can handle?

You should talk to your T about how you feel that you're not ready, and ask your T to help prepare you so that you can know the signs for when you are ready.

[Phoenix1985]

Thank you. I'm going to make an appointment for the Lifetrap stuff for
Friday, but I'll start out by talking her about how I don't feel ready. I
think I'll definitely need my morning dose of Seroquel that day lol.

[sunrise]

Originally Posted by Phoenix1985

How do you talk about emotional/psychological abuse when you feel you are
never ready to talk about it?

For me, I kept minimizing it when T would say words like "abuse." I didn't see what I had experienced as abuse. It just seemed "normal" to me since I had experienced it for so many years. I also felt by admitting that I had experienced "abuse," that would be like taking on the role of a victim, and I am not a victim. Anyway, we went at this off and on for quite some time. And then he recommended a book to me on emotional abuse and I read it cover to cover before our next session. That book described me and my experience. I recognized myself and realized that I had experienced abuse. At the next session, my T was kind of amazed I had done this complete turnaround (maybe a little chagrinned: "you don't believe me but you do believe a book?" lol). We were able to talk about it a lot more after that. I still don't like to use the word abuse, but I do recognize myself as having gone through the same things as the people in that book.

So anyway, the book opened the door for me.

I'll start out by talking her about how I don't feel ready

I think it's important not to feel forced to talk about something you are not ready to. Therapy should be on your timetable.

[del12]

I have been working on the verbal and emotional abuse I endured my entire life from many of my family members and others. At first little bits came out and what really was a break through was when I realized that I blamed me and that I down played the abuse. First time I actually called it abuse was just a few months ago, even now when my T says the word abuse I cringe. There are many times that I find that I can't share all my feellings when it comes to the abuse and I just shut down. My T and I have talked about it and there is such support and acceptance of my inability to let all of it out. A little at a time is okay and there are times when I really have a hard time dealing with I think it is more of the awareness of the abuse and my T is there to support me. I get frustrated with me. SOmetimes I think just let it all out and get it over with! but we have built in protection so that only what we can handle will come out and the stronger we get the more we can open up. Just share what you can a little at a time. That is okay and remember your T is there to support you.

[Phoenix1985]

I too am not fond of using the word abuse. I have difficulty saying it, and only started
late last year. I think one thing I do really need to overcome is this deep feeling that I
have no right to talk about it as there was nothing physical about it - no scars left, no
bruises - it's all psychological. I'm sure that it's what has caused me to go on to have
Bipolar and BPD. Sorry if that offends anyone. Thank you all for your help.

[sittingatwatersedge]

Originally Posted by sunrise

And then he recommended a book to me on emotional abuse and I read it cover to cover before our next session.

Sunny - could you share the title? thanks!!

[mixedup_emotions]

I too cringe at the word "abuse" and "victim".....It somehow makes me feel weak and inadequate. I know that's not the truth. I am not weak, nor inadequate. Yet, those words trigger such feelings....Ugh.

[Xtree]

Originally Posted by Phoenix1985

How do you talk about emotional/psychological abuse when you feel you are
never ready to talk about it? All I have to do is think about it and I get
depressed. I would much rather keep it all in the past, but my psychologist
wants to start working on my Lifetraps and they all stem from this abuse. I am
trying to get away from the depression and, well I guess I am scared that I
won't be able to handle doing this stuff with her, despite how nice she is

This is a difficult topic for me to respond to. I feel I am still early in therapy even though it has been a year, therapy takes time. Time is important, do not rush it. It can almost feel like trauma all over again if you do it before you are ready. It all doesn't have to come out in one session, again time is your best friend.

I also have a very difficult time with certain words. Do not even attempt these words, let your T fill in the blanks. She is experienced and will know. Trust your T. She will not force you, she will be gentle and she will know when to stop. Understand and know that no matter what you say she will NOT judge you and she will ALWAYS respect your feeling.

Instinctively you will on do what you can handle.

Xtree

[Simcha]

Originally Posted by Phoenix1985

How do you talk about emotional/psychological abuse when you feel you are
never ready to talk about it? All I have to do is think about it and I get
depressed. I would much rather keep it all in the past, but my psychologist
wants to start working on my Lifetraps and they all stem from this abuse. I am
trying to get away from the depression and, well I guess I am scared that I
won't be able to handle doing this stuff with her, despite how nice she is

You'll open up more when your ready too. You have to build a certain level of trust, no matter how nice the therapist is (niceness doesn't equate trust exactly).

So, how long you been seeing this therapist?
One day, you might just make a commitment to make a small disclosure like I did, and then it goes from there. Wouldn't have worked if my T hadn't shown me trustworthiness though. I also start small, and work my way into larger and more complex issues. Start low, go slow is my motto.