I am feeling really confused.

The teenager part of me has been taking over a lot of my sessions lately. I always *think* we're co-conscious, but I can't remember most of the sessions later, so I don't know....

Anyhow, she is very LOUD in my head. I feel sort of mixed up with her right now- kind of half and half - and she has a seriously huge crush on T. SERIOUSLY HUGE.

I am kind of sick about it. I mean, *I*, grown up me, LOVE T so much and feel so so so safe with him. I've been able to trust him and be vulnerable and open up and tell him these things I've never told everyone. I feel loved and cared for and like I am healing for the first time, FINALLY, after all of these years.

Grown up me loves our relationship. It's so close and comforting. I never feel like I'm "too much". I know T likes me and loves me and enjoys working with me.

I don't know what teen will do. Seriously. I doubt she would throw herself at him or anything (OMG NO), but I also doubt she will keep her mouth shut about how she feels.

I was SA in my teens by a minister who was my counselor. Hello?!?!?!?!?! HELLO?!?!?! That is like one of the FIRST things we talked about in therapy, because it made the whole trust thing so crazy hard. And now, how can this be happening?? Grown up treehouse me literally feels sick. Teen me feels like "yay!".

I am really upset. This might be more of a post for the DD board, but I don't know, I just want to put it here.

When teen me and grown up at me are at odds bad things happen. H is out of town. I don't want to be alone with me and her.

I feel sad and scared

Could it be that "teen you" is caught up in trauma reenactment?

It's kinda like self harm in a way. We do it to "gain control" of past abuse situations.

Freud (1920) suggested that individuals who survived traumatic events may develop what he termed traumatic neurosis.

One consequence of traumatic neurosis is the survivors' compulsion to repeat elements of the traumatic event. Similar to Freud's concept, Miller (1994) postulated that adult survivors of childhood sexual trauma who engage in self-injurious behavior, engage in risk-taking behaviors such as promiscuity and substance abuse, and experience difficulties in interpersonal relationships, are actually reenacting behaviors symbolic of trauma suffered in childhood.

Types of reenactment these individuals engage in may include (a) behavioral (i.e., inflicting harm to self or others), (b) self destructiveness (i.e., subconsciously sabotaging situations such that it leads to feelings of revictimization), and (c) reexeperiencing (flashbacks).

http://www.accessmylibrary.com/coms2...6-14950760_ITM

[Sannah]

Can you email T and tell him about teenager's crush? I always feel better getting things out in the open.

Originally Posted by Orange_Blossom

Could it be that "teen you" is caught up in trauma reenactment?

It's kinda like self harm in a way. We do it to "gain control" of past abuse situations.

Ugh, that totally makes sense. Does that make me feel better or worse?

Totally confused.

Originally Posted by Sannah

Can you email T and tell him about teenager's crush? I always feel better getting things out in the open.

I did leave a message for T and told him teen is pushing at me. He knows that is usually not a good thing when I'm home alone (well, with my boys - H is across the country). He is in a training and can call on his way home (unless he's already home, which I hope he is, because, it's SATURDAY!). Anyhow, I asked him to leave a message for teen to tell her to just SIMMER DOWN.

I'M not going to tell him anything until I see him. Unless teen tells him first.

Feel better please!

It's a learning process and I'm right by your side reenacting my own stuff.

Hi, here I am replying to my own thread again.

I kind of think teen just wants to be loved.

Blah.

[sunrise]

How about if you cut teenager off at the pass and tell T yourself that you have been co-conscious a lot with teen lately and realized she has a huge crush for him? This way it's less embarrasing than if teen does the telling or acts on it. You can share how you feel about it with T and maybe come to accept your teen's feelings. After all, your T is a nice guy, has helped your system a lot, and is always caring and loving. It would be really natural for anyone to have a crush on him, perhaps especially a teen who didn't get much love or care growing up.

When you are with your teen, can you give her a hug? Offer her guidance or reassurance? Maybe you don't have to view this as being at odds with her. Can you find common ground in your feelings toward T? Maybe you could say to teen, "I love him too, he has helped us so much." Maybe teen would feel validated and not like adult treehouse is trying to push her around.

My T has told me that working with your parts is like trying to do family therapy with a family. The same techniques can work, relieve tension, break impasses, etc.

I always *think* we're co-conscious, but I can't remember most of the sessions later, so I don't know....

Anyhow, she is very LOUD in my head. I feel sort of mixed up with her right now- kind of half and half

Is it possible to tell her to go away for a while? I don't know if that is wise or not, but sometimes it can be hard to get enough space for oneself. Maybe just tell her you need a break. Maybe wait to talk to T about the best course. You don't want teen to feel rejected if you tell her to go away. It's a hard situation. I am not DID but once there was a period of a few days where my male adult ego state was completely con-conscious and becoming really dominant. I felt like I was being squished out of my own brain and that soon there would not be enough room for me. It was exhausting and inescapable. Finally, I told him rather forcefully to go away and he left. I don't think I handled that well at all. Later, T told me alternative courses. I guess I blew it, but I needed him to leave.

((((((((((Treehouse))))))))))

Originally Posted by sunrise

Maybe you don't have to view this as being at odds with her. Can you find common ground in your feelings toward T? Maybe you could say to teen, "I love him too, he has helped us so much." Maybe teen would feel validated and not like adult treehouse is trying to push her around.

My T has told me that working with your parts is like trying to do family therapy with a family. The same techniques can work, relieve tension, break impasses, etc.

Hmmm. I guess this is a good reminder. I really HAVE been trying to work WITH her lately (instead of being terrified of her)...she gets a LOT of T sessions, we got out EARS PIERCED (!)...trying to give her some of what she wants.

I guess she got so loud today and I panicked. I always imagine that if she was standing next to me, she'd beat me up.

Originally Posted by treehouse

I kind of think teen just wants to be loved.

.

And teen would like you to know that this sentence makes her gag.

[chaotic13]

Sunrise's parental approach sounds like it would be a direct approach. It would acknowledge the teens feelings but let her know that she is not incharge and it not allowed to run a muck.

Treehouse - totally get why your are struggling with this. I feel my ego state that sufferes from ...traumatic neurnosis a lot lately. It takes a lot for me to keep her in check.

[Simcha]

Originally Posted by treehouse

Hi, here I am replying to my own thread again.

I kind of think teen just wants to be loved.

Blah.

((((((((((TREEHOUSE)))))))))))))

Sam love treehouse! ALL "parts" of treehouse, teen, adult, crazy lady, whatever!

[googley]

(((((((Treehouse))))))

It sounds like you are going through a rough patch. I would second (or third) you letting your T know that teenager has a crush. Though, he might not be surprised. You said that teenager was having a lot of T sessions. It might be apparent from his sessions, (depending on what they talk about, trauma vs not trauma) with her that she has a crush (also he may not). Also remember that he is trained to deal with situations such as this. That your teenager part is having such strong feelings for him might mean that she trusts him (something that can be hard to do). With this experience, your T can provide a healthy and safe experience for both of you. Good Luck!!!

[phoenix7]

Originally Posted by treehouse

And teen would like you to know that this sentence makes her gag.

Let Teen know that deep inside everyone wants to be loved and thats ok - she doesnt need to admit it for it to be true - and having a crush on T is ok - T can handle it so Treehouse I would tell T about the crush so its out in the open - T will undertand

Treehouse, I dont think Teen would beat you up - she may take you out to a party and dance all night though!!!

sending you a wall of hugs to keep you safe

[MissCharlotte]

((Treehouse))

I recently told T that I had arrived at the point where I could tell my other part, "You can come with me." This way adult Miss C is in charge and younger Miss C doesn't feel left out. I dialogue with her when she shows up....Can you do an activity with her tonight to stay safe? Paint fingernails/toenails? Bake brownies and eat them? Watch a movie?

Oh yeah, I totally re-enact trauma. Thanks Orange. T used to say that and when he first brought it up it felt like criticism. Ugh.

Take gentle care, and be good to yourself Tree.

[deliquesce]

Originally Posted by sunrise

When you are with your teen, can you give her a hug? Offer her guidance or reassurance? Maybe you don't have to view this as being at odds with her. Can you find common ground in your feelings toward T? Maybe you could say to teen, "I love him too, he has helped us so much." Maybe teen would feel validated and not like adult treehouse is trying to push her around.

wow. i found this so helpful, just for myself. who has a major crush on pdoc and doesnt trust herself not to try anything out. this has helped. thank you sunny.

(((((treehouse)))))) - has T managed to call you back yet?

T hasn't called yet, but I know he will when he checks messages.

I took a healthy dose of klonopin and I am off to bed.

I REALLY appreciate everyone's comments. I know I need to kind of "embrace" teen - and I tried with the ear piercing last weekend - but this is just a bit too much for me. Way, way, way, way triggery for so many reasons.

Anyhow, she kind of scares me. Blah.

[ECHOES]

Originally Posted by treehouse

I kind of think teen just wants to be loved.
And teen would like you to know that this sentence makes her gag.

teen treehouse

It is my 6 year old who is like your teen. Shows up right in the middle of things sometimes. Very disappointed sometimes too, because I push her away.

[Luce]

I kinda wanna say something here, but I'm not sure how to convey what I mean... and I really hope I don't say it in a way that isn't helpful!!

I really understand why this 'stuff' that is coming up with the teen is really, really hard for you. Teen HAS this stuff because it is too hard for you. Until now, this aspect of your relationship with T has been dissociated because you haven't been in a place where you could acknowledge or tolerate or deal with those feelings. So it makes sense that bringing these things forward now will be incredibly uncomfortable for you, and will temporarily increase the triggery-ness (!?) and dissociative coping mechanisms.

I also think that all the groundwork you have done in your relationship with T has paved the way for you to face this issue in a safe way. T will 'get it', and T will be strong enough to deal with whatever comes up around this appropriately. T can safely walk down this road with you.

I also think that teen is pretty cool. And that teen has done kinda a cool job of holding on to this particular thing for a while so that you could get to this place in T where it could be addressed. I guess, in a sense, you've been doing 'teamwork' all along without even knowing it. And you can still do that teamwork. Teen will still be there to hold it for a while longer when you need to step back and take a break from it. And when you can deal with it, you'll be able to help her find appropriate ways to express and cope with her feelings. Maybe teamwork can be both things: working together AND apart... Supporting each other to find the best way through.

I've run out of words now.

[sittingatwatersedge]

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((( dear t house ))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

whatever your teen tells T, he will weather it OK. He already knows your own voice, and can recognize others. Don't worry

[phoenix7]

Keep us inthe loop treehouse sleep well

I am not doing well.

T recently said to me, really emphatically, when I think I was fretting about leaving too many messages or something "when you work hard, I will work hard. remember that"

But he hasn't responded to my call from yesterday. I know that it's the weekend, he's in training, he might not be checking his messages, he has tons of other clients who might need something more than I do, he might have stuff going on in his own life that he is dealing with, etc. etc. etc. etc.

But I feel really alone and sad and scared and like therapy is just too much work and just plain stupid sometimes.

((((((((((((((((treehouse))))))))))))))))))

Being vulnerable is hard. Hope he can respond soon.

[Simcha]

Originally Posted by treehouse

I am not doing well.

T recently said to me, really emphatically, when I think I was fretting about leaving too many messages or something "when you work hard, I will work hard. remember that"

But he hasn't responded to my call from yesterday. I know that it's the weekend, he's in training, he might not be checking his messages, he has tons of other clients who might need something more than I do, he might have stuff going on in his own life that he is dealing with, etc. etc. etc. etc.

But I feel really alone and sad and scared and like therapy is just too much work and just plain stupid sometimes.

((((((Treehouse)))))))

You have tons of people who really care about you, even if you feel like you are totally alone right now. You are such a great person Tree. Therapy isn't stupid--that's just your scared "parts" being avoidant of things they don't like to talk about because it makes them feel scared.

Do you have a friend you can call in the meantime? And make sure that if you didn't make it clear how much you need your T right now that you actually call him back and leave a more succinct, detailed message. Sometimes they need direction, and if you don't let them know that you NEED to have them call you back, they most likely will put you on the backburner (prioritizing as best they can with everything they have going on, not out of lack of care or concern).

Things always seem dark when we feel alone. Just try to remember it's not really as bad as we think it is.

-Sam

[MissCharlotte]

((tree))

Hope you might be a bit better....

therapy is just too much work and just plain stupid sometimes.

Yep, you are absolutely right! It is stupid sometimes. But stupid is in the eyes of the beholder. At some point some of those stupid things make sense to another part of us. And then again sometimes they stay stupid. Sigh.