[rainbow8]

I'm determined to make it possible to see my T "as needed" and not sever the connection with her because ATM that would be too devastating for me. I feel good about my decision. I am coming to terms with her limitations and her strengths. Maybe she hasn't solved my attachment to her, but I don't think it can be solved anymore. At least not by her. I have to do it myself by changing my attitude. I feel up to the challenge!

She wants it to be "safe" for me to see her, and I am going to make it safe. If I obsess afterwards, I will deal with it myself. I feel more confident that I can handle it.

What I am doing is building up my "real" relationships with others. I have a friend who is compassionate and gives great hugs, and what's more, she does not charge $140 for 50 minutes! I am not putting all my eggs in one basket, though. I am going to work on making new friends as well. I also have to work on my marriage. My H wants to go to the workshop my T is doing, and I think I can handle it. There's still time to see how I feel before I make the decision on attending.

I'm changing my attitude, and I feel stronger for it. It's what my T has wanted me to do all along--to be in the real world instead of having fantasies about her. I still want her to be my T, but that could change in the future. Just now, I feel optimistic though I know it's a struggle for me.

Good for you, rainbow - that sounds excellent!!!

[deliquesce]

sounds great, rainbow!

keep posting here so we can continue to support you as well .

[rainbow8]

Thanks for the encouragement, dreamseeker and deli. Yes, I will most likely need support. I have good intentions, and I hope I can follow through, but part of me still feels sad because I can't "have" my T the way I wish I could. It was always a dream. I've got to keep remembering that she still cares about me. I do have the feelings inside of me, but I already miss being with her. I need to hold onto all the good feelings without needing reinforcement from her.

[peaches100]

(((Rainbow)))

You're doing courageous work. I admire you for that.

[darkrunner]

Rainbow!!!

Wow! I love your positive attitude. It is very inspiring. And I love that you have the occasion to use 3 SMILEYs in 1 post!

It sounds like you are making good strong decisions.
I know it won't always be easy, but I hope you'll let us know how it is going so that we can support you.
We're in this together.

[rainbow8]

Thanks, peaches and ktgirl.

Well, I already am being tested! I called my T today because I wanted to ask her something about my friendship with the woman I mentioned in this thread. She answered me, and also told me how glad she is about my new attitude. That part was nice. She also said that I could call her just to say I miss her, if I need to. I hadn't even asked her that. But...

I told that I felt I could handle attending her marriage workshop. It's just 1 hour, not a series. There are other presenters at other times. She told me again, that she does not want me to attend even though I said my H wants to. If it were a lecture, she said it would be different, but she says she will be working with the couples (probably 5 - 10 couples will attend) and does not think it is a good situation for me and my H to be in with her. However, she said if we do attend, she won't be angry.

I almost cried when I hung up the phone. I felt so disappointed. Then I realized that I can't fool myself. I wanted to go so I could see her more than for the content of the workshop. So, it's a test. I trust my T that it might not be a good situation for me to atend. Maybe it would be too much of a test for me. I told her if I obsess about her afterwards, I will handle it myself. But the test is really about my NOT going because I would be going for the wrong reasons. I am trying to wean myself away from my T, not putting myself in places where I will be triggered by her. So, in line with my new attitude, I need to be strong and accept that I will NOT attend.

So, like I said, it's a struggle but I am going to be okay.

Something else. Sorry this is so long. I have to accept that my T looks at some of my behavior differently from the way I do. She still says I was playing games when I called her the first time because I said I couldn't talk. She didn't understand me. She also told me today that I can be very hostile when I talk about seeing someone else to get over the attachment problem. From the start, I've criticized her a lot. She always told me that I could see someone else if I didn't trust her. I chose to stay with her but I complained a lot. I don't know if I'm hostile or not, but I do know that there's no use bringing it up with her anymore. She's used her methods with me, and they worked when I actually followed them. Like now, making more connections with other people instead of obsessing about her. She doesn't believe in talking about the past, though she did let me talk about anything I wanted to.

My point is that I made a decision today to let those differences in opinion go. Therapy is basically over, at least the part of it where I will argue and complain about whether I'm getting anything out of it. I know what my T's strong and weak points are now. I know that she feels good when she sees me acting in a healthy manner. She just wants me to be healthy! We've been through 7 years together, so she knows me pretty well, I'd say. The bottom line is that she cares.

[darkrunner]

(((((((((((((((Rainbow)))))))))))))))))))

You're doing great!

[rainbow8]

Thank you, kt!!! Do you think I'm right not to attend my T's workshop? I'm trying not to obsess about it, and not beat myself up for wanting to go for the wrong reasons. Bottom line: I know my T is right about this, but it hurts, really hurts. I'll be jealous of those who do attend. I know the answer intellectually, but emotionally I still want to be wherever my T is. Gotta think: she's with me all the time, in my heart. That's so corny! Sometimes this whole T-attachment stuff embarrasses me so, so much.

[Brightheart]

You're worried about sounding corny? Have you read some of the stuff I write about my T, lol?

If it's truthful to the way you really feel, than it isn't anything to be ashamed of or embarrassed by. I like to think of it as a spiritual way of viewing things. Thinking that way always seems to give me comfort. My T is in my heart and in my love and in my joy.

Stick to your guns and do what you know is best for you instead of what you want to do. You're strong and capable.

[darkrunner]

(((((((Rainbow))))))))

I think you are right not to attend the workshop.
That is your T's advice, and I think it is smart to listen to her. She's known you a long time and I'm sure knows what is best for you.

I understand it is hard for you!!!
I really admire your strength - sometimes we have to go through the pain to get to the other side. (something I am avoiding with all of my being right now.)

Here are some hugs....hope they help....


You're doing great, Rainbow.

[deliquesce]

rainbow - i'm amazed and delighted for you . it is a difficult decision, but i think not attending is the right thing to do. but the really cool thing is how much you believe your T right now - how much she likes you, and that you're ok just sitting with that knowledge and not wanting to test it. i'm so happy for you.

but - practical questions: have you told your husband yet? will he be upset that it's not your T's workshop? do you think you'll go to a different workshop?

keep us posted on how you are travelling .

[revest]

That is great, you can do it.