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#1
May 30, 2009, 06:49 AM
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I was just sitting out in my Garden. Wind blowing through the trees, reminded me of the sound of waves washing ashore. Suddenly I became aware of the silence within me also. Where have all those children gone? Where has all that pain and constant yearning and crying from those children gone that once walked the landscape within? What does the landscape look like now?
I haven't sat out in my Garden for a couple of yrs. Being in therapy I seem to have stopped doing what I once did and have been consumned by it, perhaps I needed to be consumned by it? I realised that the times gone by when I use to sit outside are different for me, Its only in comparing today to the past that I could see some change. The thought of all those yearnings having once been there felt painful, thank god its not as bad now. I wondered how one gets by in life with such pain and unmet needs? I guess my answer is, poorly, but I knew no other way. Now when I look back its like holding my breath, ducking my head under and opening my eyes quickly to get a sense of what it was like, and the joy of knowing when I come back up for air, my new reality is still there. My life now has smoothness to it, not all rough sharp edges, moulded by my internalisation of therapy and T. There are still voices inside at times, but somehow they know that eventually their cries will be answered, theres not so much utter abandoment now. when T said, "You don't seem to be able to wait for the breast to be presented to you?" I think some of the voices inside are actually more able to do that, though the waiting sometimes is unpleasant, its not undoable any longer, it will and does come, this in itself is something that never did happen growing up, it never came, wow, how awful that must have been!! Oh well, today is a new day and the sun is shining and the leaves are dancing and everything inside is A-O-K! "The times, they are changing" How I Love bobby boy dylan 
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Here is the test to find whether your mission on earth is finished. If you're alive, it isn't. ~Richard Bach |
 phoenix7, Sannah
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#2
May 30, 2009, 07:29 AM
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sounds like progress to me mouse
 
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Its not how many times you fall down that counts  its how many times you get back up!  (Thanks to fenrir for my Picture )When you have come to the edge of all light that you know and are about to drop off into the darkness of the unknown, Faith is knowing One of two things will happen: There will be something solid to stand on or you will be taught to fly. by Patrick Overton, author and poet |
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#3
May 30, 2009, 02:17 PM
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Nice Mouse. The key is remembering all these changes when we are feeling low and disconnected.
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#4
May 31, 2009, 05:10 PM
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Mouse,
I love how you are keeping track of your new awarenesses and writing about them here. I enjoy being on your journey with you as an observer!
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This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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